Today, I was getting my picture taken with my mom and grandma for a portrait. I said it was going to be beautiful when it was done, with three generations of our family in it. My grandma said that would be true, if I weren't adopted. FML
GraceWaldorf93 tells us more.
Hi guys! OP here :) Well, after a long talk with my parents, turns out I am adopted. It certainly came as a shock to me because my grandma (yup, same one) spoils me to this day. I am 22 years old and I am the only adopted grandchild and am yet my grandma's favorite (I'm not even kidding!). I gave her her first great-grandchild and she loves him more than life itself. Granted, I would have preferred to have found out another way, but it doesn't affect me at all. Thank you for the nice comments!
Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML
Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML
Today, I got so bored that I ordered my DVD drawer from awesomest to non-awesomest. I need a life. FML
Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML
Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer, as well as all the emails from my long-distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job, and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML
Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I arrived early so I could check in with the receptionists about this weird communication mixup that's caused me to miss my last two appointments. Despite what my appointment card said, I arrived to find the office closed. FML
Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML
Today, my family is flying to Hawaii for a longed-for holiday. Well, my husband and children are; I'm in a hospital bed awaiting surgery on kidney stones that I never knew I had. Hopefully they'll send me a postcard. FML
Drover7 tells us more.
Drover7 3
I am the OP and wish to thank everyone for their well wishes and kindness. Bit of an update: I have an infection in both kidneys so they can't yet remove the big 7mm stone that is stuck half way. Surgeons put in a stent and my pain filled hazy brain decided I just wanted to be with family so I stupidly boarded a plane to Hawaii! Now I am writhing about in a hotel bed (with a beautiful view of Waikiki and Diamond Head) and still ruining my family's holiday. I didn't realise how serious my condition was when I assured my husband that if he got on the plane I would follow a day later so it's all my fault. I've made a shitty situation even worse. FML
Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions to my destination, in case I had already missed the bus. I was so absorbed in my search that I missed the bus. FML
Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML
Today, I got a heads-up that my boss suffered a death in the family, but was coming into work anyway. I thought he'd be depressed, but it seems he deals with grief with anger instead. I found that out when he yelled at me, threatening to rip my spine out my ass over a typo I made in a report. FML
Today, some jackass decided that using the back of my car to slow down was easier than using his brakes. FML
Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML
Today, my boss lost the company a very lucrative contract I had worked on for weeks because he wouldn't tolerate the client's "disrespect." The disrespect? Asking him to not interrupt her or put words in her mouth during a conference call with her employees. FML
TheGreatSquirrel tells us more.
OP here. I'm IT, not an English major, and 300 charas is a limited space. Sorry if it was too garbled. This actually happened last year and was the last straw as far as my job there went. The company had a small sales staff and a policy where tech personnel, working on their own time, could bring in new clients. You got a biannual bonus proportional to how much the client contracted for. At the time, my wife was pregnant and on bedrest, so we really could have used the extra money. I had a friend working for a nice-sized company in the area that needed some IT services. While I didn't get any insider secrets from him, what I knew from general conversation was enough to tailor an offer and know how to present it to the company owner. My boss was the kind of person who saw everyone competent as conspiring to threaten his job, so he insisted on being on the call she wanted to confirm everything before signing. He was condescending to the client, constantly interrupted her, and tried to sell her things that she would never need. It was obvious he didn't know or care what her company needed or wanted. She politely asked him to stop and he dressed her down for rudeness and disrespect in front of her own employees. When she declined to sign a contract with us, he blamed me, even though I'd only gotten about three sentences out. And then I got a job somewhere much better and quit.
Today, I was in bed, thinking about my crush and playing with myself, when I remembered the complicated spreadsheet my boss asked me to make tomorrow. That got me more excited than the thought of my crush. FML
Today, I removed the side rails from my truck because I didn't think I really needed them. An hour later, I went to Wal-Mart, forgot they were gone, and busted my ass in public while getting out of my truck. FML
Today, I was scolding my 8 year-old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight "A"s like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair. When I asked why, he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML
Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML
Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo." It went on for around half an hour. FML
Today, at my work at a charity shop, I reached into a new bag of donations only to pull out... used underwear. Thanks for your generosity. FML
indigohero tells us more.
indigohero 20
@22 Yeah that's exactly what I do now since this happened and @21 exactly. I swear some of the stuff people "donate" is ridiculous. It's clearly just stuff they couldn't be bothered to dispose of properly. One time, someone "donated" a small bag with a bundle of string and a rock in it (??) and another time someone had "donated" their old retainer..... just, why? And @16 it's true we get money for bags of rags and damaged clothing that we can't sell, but we don't actively ask for items like this - we ask for "good quality items", and while it's not so bad just throwing torn or worn clothes in a bag, it's kinda disgusting to have to sort through used underwear, stained baby clothes and dirty old socks, to name a few things. People donating clearly don't think through that an actual person has to sort through this stuff when they hand it over. Thankfully most of the stuff we get is fine though, there's just the odd few where you have to wonder what they were thinking. And generally I love working there, it's just nice to complain sometimes haha :)
Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML
Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML
Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML
Today, I was at church with some friends and our counselor, who had recently came back from Taiwan. I was born there and love to visit, so I immediately exclaimed, "How lucky!" A few seconds of awkward silence later, he said, "I was visiting my dad who was just diagnosed with cancer." FML
Today, my brother decided he could just live with me. He's sharing my bed, using all my stuff, and has even refused to let me into my room in the morning to get ready. He thinks the situation is perfect. FML
shazzasm tells us more.
shazzasm 12
Hi, I'm the author, made an account just to comment ? I couldn't really explain the situation in much detail but it's a little bit more complex than just kicking him out or not... So pretty much this brother is my twin. We're twenty minutes apart and extremely close so the older/younger sibling thing doesn't really apply because we swap a lot. When he's in need, I help as much as I can and vice versa really. Anyways, I recently moved out of home, renting a room at my aunty's to go to uni and my brother decided to apply for a job interview where I was. He was allowed to stay for a couple of days but he just never ended up going home. The house is just big enough for me to live there, so an extra person is a bit of a stretch, I.e. Why he's sleeping in my bed. It was fine at the start but he's started pushing everyone's patience... I would tell him he needs to go home but he's a touch mentally unstable at the moment and I don't wanna rock the boat. I've told my parents but he's avoiding them at the moment because he 'knows' what's best for himself, and there's not much they can do when they're 9 hours away. Everytime I try to approach the subject of you need to go home and back to your job, he kind of explodes so I'm kind of treading carefully. After I posted this, I had a chat with my Aunty, she's cool, and said he was annoying me a little because I'm at uni in the hopes of being a doctor and it's a bit stressful to study when I'm printing him out cvs and other stuff. We talked about it and I ended up telling him I'd help him but he had to have found something by Sunday... His genius solution however wasn't as well thought through as he'd hoped. He got himself a flat but no job so I'm not really sure what's gonna happen next but hopefully it's good! Sorry for the long winded explanation, hope it makes more sense! Thanks
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML
Today, I was walking around in a park when I passed some kids playing soccer. One of them kicked the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily, I caught the ball, then I drop-kicked it, intending to say, "Go get it." Instead, it bounced off a nearby tree and hit me in the face. FML
Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML
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