Miscellaneous: Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming...

By Anonymous - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19640

You deserved it

1520

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Proactive

Messed up

Do as I say, not as I do

By Anonymous - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38677

You deserved it

6176

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24538

You deserved it

3941

Favorite

By ForgottenKid - United States

Today, I saw my grandmother. All of my cousins and I went to say "hi" to her, one by one. When I got up to her and said, "Hi grandma!", she said in Chinese, "I don't remember this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35803

You deserved it

2563

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12284

You deserved it

22178

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16068

You deserved it

30032

Favorite

By meowitzer - 22/4/2020 05:02

All over the place

Today, a close, funny friend who has quite the attitude, received a long email from a long-time friend of hers, telling her how difficult she is. When I told her it doesn’t matter, that she is still wonderful, she went off on how bad a friend I am for saying that, and then deleted me off WhatsApp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1326

You deserved it

175

Favorite

By AnnoyedWoman - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49329

You deserved it

5570

Favorite

By fuckyoutoothen! - 22/7/2020 08:02

Nice victim blaming!

Today, I showed my friend all the dirty messages and dick pics her boyfriend had sent me. I included the ones of me telling him to stop. Instead of being mad at him, she flipped out on me, saying it’s my fault because I “dress too sexy” and he shouldn’t even have my number. He got it from her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2297

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By Witos - United States - Chandler

Today, my mom started fundraising and selling things on ebay. At first I was happy because I thought she was finally going to help me pay my college tuition. Turns out she's planning on raising money to get our dog a new friend because she's "lonely". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38472

You deserved it

5252

Favorite

By Erin - 2/1/2021 20:01

Warming it up

Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

720

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By fuckall - United States

Today, I worked out that if I paid the minimum monthly amount on my student loans, I'd be paying them until I'm 65. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29647

You deserved it

5752

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 20:00

Responsibilities

Today, I got chewed out by my boss. Why? Because my coworkers haven't gotten their work done. Now I have to scan them their work for them to complete it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1266

You deserved it

101

Favorite

By Rae - United States - Chicago

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25754

You deserved it

3364

Favorite

By liz - United States

Today, my husband and I moved to get closer to his job. Today he got transferred 150 miles away from where we moved to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30550

You deserved it

2603

Favorite

By Crossy - Australia

Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11516

You deserved it

36517

Favorite

By fmlfmlfml - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24820

You deserved it

60723

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chillicothe

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19659

You deserved it

1251

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33093

You deserved it

2601

Favorite

By Leroy - Australia

Insanity

Today, my girlfriend slapped me and dumped me because she thought I was gay, simply because I had to miss a date because one of my guy friends was in a car accident, and I went to see him at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1948

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By trainE - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22281

You deserved it

94355

Favorite

By part time all the time - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58224

You deserved it

3396

Favorite

By xXEndlesslullabyXx - United States

Today, my grandmother's excuse for not going to my college graduation was because she'd already bought her bingo card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33545

You deserved it

2784

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom rolled up the car window on my fingers. She thought my yelling and crying was because I was throwing a tantrum. I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33339

You deserved it

4003

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/5/2020 20:00

Who's a good boy?

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2225

You deserved it

181

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2074

You deserved it

205

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29765

You deserved it

4908

Favorite

By Spanky - United States

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25644

You deserved it

2488

Favorite

By meg the mighty

Today, it's been 3 days since my husband decided he really wanted to try the surstromming challenge. I can still smell that shit all through my house even with all the doors and windows open after the stupid bastard took one smell, vomited, and dropped the can on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2375

You deserved it

262

Favorite

By pon-3 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35814

You deserved it

2301

Favorite

By hairy - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40308

You deserved it

3811

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47529

You deserved it

5354

Favorite

By scardeycat13 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. I was so scared I passed out. I was only on the kiddy hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24174

You deserved it

10694

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40214

You deserved it

3359

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45386

You deserved it

8271

Favorite

By zzdug - United States

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30004

You deserved it

5865

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19718

You deserved it

34896

Favorite

By BiteMe - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16181

You deserved it

1166

Favorite

By Princeton - United States

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a F*ing idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6739

You deserved it

47758

Favorite

By Sock_Muppet

Today, I looked at my sister's Instagram story, and saw her, my brother, and my father all on a family road trip to Reno without me. I wasn't told anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2312

You deserved it

168

Favorite

By no i'm sure you're a responsible parent - 9/4/2020 02:00 - United States

Parent #1 of the Year

Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1523

You deserved it

171

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6536468 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:44

Well how much therapy are you going to need? I know a guy his office is a van but hey he's half the price

By am1717 | 22

#6536492 - Sunday 14 February 2016 7:05

I have a great idea for a haunted house now

COMMENTS

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6536468 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:44

Well how much therapy are you going to need? I know a guy his office is a van but hey he's half the price

walid820014 | 20

#6536485 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:57

We meet again lol

iamahappypenguin | 14

#6536557 - Sunday 14 February 2016 10:13

Can I get his number?

tomvertigo | 17

#6536647 - Sunday 14 February 2016 14:20

Is he the guy down by the river? Bastard destroyed my coffee table years ago.

By NotGabe | 28

#6536471 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:45

Behold. The beauty of aging.

By Mahcookiez | 15

#6536472 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:45

What was seen cannot be unseen

By trucker2 | 33

#6536475 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:47

Grams a nudist- she's letting her wrinkles Breath..

thatonechicksaid | 12

#6539452 - Wednesday 17 February 2016 20:03

they gotta breathe sometime

By allforfun | 23

#6536476 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:49

Welcome to wrinkle city... Population- you.

MichaelDeSanta | 20

#6536506 - Sunday 14 February 2016 7:49

Population-grandma

By jayennachristine | 23

#6536477 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:49

probably earned you a few of gramma's grey hairs..

trulypar | 34

#6536569 - Sunday 14 February 2016 11:04

Let's hope their from her head.

trulypar | 34

#6536572 - Sunday 14 February 2016 11:12

Oops they're...lol, too late to be reading FMLs for me.

By walid820014 | 20

#6536482 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:55

Maybe you need to be prepared for anything. Man up.

By nickie_94 | 18

#6536483 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:56

She must really have something against towels. But did then again, did she know you were around?

By Blueocean7 | 19

#6536489 - Sunday 14 February 2016 7:00

Bleach eye time!

whysobeachy | 37

#6536522 - Sunday 14 February 2016 8:20

You mean "eye bleach"?

By am1717 | 22

#6536492 - Sunday 14 February 2016 7:05

I have a great idea for a haunted house now

Ichiya | 29

#6536568 - Sunday 14 February 2016 11:02

No, wherever that thought is going stop it now. Kill it before you cause mental scarring for everyone.

am1717 | 22

#6536687 - Sunday 14 February 2016 15:57

But that's what makes for a great haunted house ;)