Miscellaneous: Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming...

By Anonymous - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Rich people problems

The sweet smell of unsuccess

By bridezilla - New Zealand - Auckland

Honesty

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

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20394

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By shitballs_911 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

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By drop dead single - United States

Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML

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39134

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By Anonymous - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't know I had. That is to say, the company hired me but didn't tell me, so when I didn't show up for work two days in a row, they called and claimed job abandonment. FML

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5194

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By nullroute - Switzerland - Full

Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML

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20061

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By UnknownOperation - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

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By love_today - Canada

Today, I got called a f***ing b**ch by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

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51210

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By Pissed - Australia

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

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27655

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By yeah - United States

Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML

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14702

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

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10180

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By Again - United States - Pell City

Today, I received my replacement debit card in the mail after losing my previous one. I've already lost my new one. FML

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By owowowow - Canada

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

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35040

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By Miffy - United States - San Augustine

Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML

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2559

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By Anonymous - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML

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37777

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By Whateversz - Netherlands

Today, when I took a nap on the couch, a spider crawled into my mouth. How do I know? My boyfriend filmed it and laughed. FML

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37958

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By Annoyed - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML

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28310

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By Anonymous

Eye-bleach please

Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML

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1405

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260

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By tutusaurus - United States - Salinas

Today, I wrote the girl I love a long, gushy letter to convince her to be with me instead of her abusive ex. Later on, I asked her what she thought. She said she can't read cursive. She chose the ex. FML

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27533

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By Anonymous - United States - Wellsville

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

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By nobodywasthere

Today, I rushed onto the metro to get to work. I found there were no seats left and asked a perfectly healthy guy to let me sit in the handicap spot. He refused to because "being tired" was a handicap characteristic. I have one leg. FML

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By weneedthatmoneytoliveon - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

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By tracelee - United States

Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

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By iloveyoutoomom - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

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By Smirky - India - Bangalore

Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2021 15:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Sore loser

Today, after graduating from the same program, I was offered several jobs, while my boyfriend wasn’t. He couldn’t be happy for me, saying, "She got in with the right people, and they just keep handing her jobs," and dismissing my work ethic. FML

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1182

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By soupcrackers - 7/10/2020 04:57

Persona non grata

Today, I spoke to Friend A and Friend B, with whom I'd had arguments with in the past. Those arguments caused me to leave a group chat. When I want to settle things with Friend B, they told me, "Don't come back to the group chat. It'll make everyone happier if you stay out." FML

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779

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By Rosie - United States - Brunswick

Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

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By Stormy - United States

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Solna

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

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By bastard magnet - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

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By Teenagegirl - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

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32264

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By Anonymous - Canada - Moncton

Today, I discovered that the pain I've had for the past couple of weeks was actually due to a broken collar bone. Now work won't pay for the treatment I need because I continued to work despite the pain. FML

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By SonofMnemosyne - United States

Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML

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2469

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By Brittany - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

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7266

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By scotsgal - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

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By Can’t Cope

Today my fiancé is going to Planned Parenthood to see if he got herpes from a prostitute. FML

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5445

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505

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

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56643

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By reedcarter

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

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25945

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2023

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Top comments

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6536468 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:44

Well how much therapy are you going to need? I know a guy his office is a van but hey he's half the price

By am1717 | 22

#6536492 - Sunday 14 February 2016 7:05

I have a great idea for a haunted house now

COMMENTS

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6536468 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:44

Well how much therapy are you going to need? I know a guy his office is a van but hey he's half the price

walid820014 | 20

#6536485 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:57

We meet again lol

iamahappypenguin | 14

#6536557 - Sunday 14 February 2016 10:13

Can I get his number?

tomvertigo | 17

#6536647 - Sunday 14 February 2016 14:20

Is he the guy down by the river? Bastard destroyed my coffee table years ago.

By NotGabe | 28

#6536471 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:45

Behold. The beauty of aging.

By Mahcookiez | 15

#6536472 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:45

What was seen cannot be unseen

By trucker2 | 33

#6536475 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:47

Grams a nudist- she's letting her wrinkles Breath..

thatonechicksaid | 12

#6539452 - Wednesday 17 February 2016 20:03

they gotta breathe sometime

By allforfun | 23

#6536476 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:49

Welcome to wrinkle city... Population- you.

MichaelDeSanta | 20

#6536506 - Sunday 14 February 2016 7:49

Population-grandma

By jayennachristine | 23

#6536477 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:49

probably earned you a few of gramma's grey hairs..

trulypar | 34

#6536569 - Sunday 14 February 2016 11:04

Let's hope their from her head.

trulypar | 34

#6536572 - Sunday 14 February 2016 11:12

Oops they're...lol, too late to be reading FMLs for me.

By walid820014 | 20

#6536482 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:55

Maybe you need to be prepared for anything. Man up.

By nickie_94 | 18

#6536483 - Sunday 14 February 2016 6:56

She must really have something against towels. But did then again, did she know you were around?

By Blueocean7 | 19

#6536489 - Sunday 14 February 2016 7:00

Bleach eye time!

whysobeachy | 37

#6536522 - Sunday 14 February 2016 8:20

You mean "eye bleach"?

By am1717 | 22

#6536492 - Sunday 14 February 2016 7:05

I have a great idea for a haunted house now

Ichiya | 29

#6536568 - Sunday 14 February 2016 11:02

No, wherever that thought is going stop it now. Kill it before you cause mental scarring for everyone.

am1717 | 22

#6536687 - Sunday 14 February 2016 15:57

But that's what makes for a great haunted house ;)