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Hey guys! It's OP :] So most of you were confused as to why she would hit me for calling my uncle...uncle. She thought I was insulting him and making him feel old and by extension implying that SHE was old. She also blamed it on the fact that it seemed as I was trying to hit on him ? ( I'm still confused about that one ) Thank heavens my uncle puts family first. Miss.Pack-A-Punch is out of our lives for good !

By disappointed - 25/03/2014 11:36 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 037

You deserved it 5 537

Great question, I'm glad you asked

By partycats - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted, "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 037

You deserved it 19 951

By pong - 06/08/2013 21:59 - France - Toulouse

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 035

You deserved it 4 076

By dope_mcfly - 29/01/2014 16:55 - United States - Keene

Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 033

You deserved it 4 062

dope_mcfly tells us more.

dope_mcfly 24

Thursday 30 January 2014 9:31

Hey, OP here. I would have mentioned in the FML that my work phone is one of those "dumb phones" and does not have any option to block numbers. After she did that for two nights in a row, I wound up setting one of the fax machine at my office to auto-dial her mobile and house phones every 15 minutes. Now, the only thing that wakes me up is the occasional user who forgot their login info, and my wife's odd food cravings.

Pleased to see me?

By Lukev7 - 12/09/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, it was my first day at Military School. Our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood, which the commander wasted no time in addressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 032

You deserved it 5 605

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 09:21 - United States

Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 031

You deserved it 2 450

By I fathered a pussy. - 14/06/2013 22:12 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 028

You deserved it 4 952

By MyLifeSucks - 15/04/2013 22:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 026

You deserved it 2 818

By fuckmyjob - 19/06/2014 20:10 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 024

You deserved it 10 187

Let me Slytherin

By Wisconsin love - 13/12/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 024

You deserved it 10 980

Dumbass

By litup - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 023

You deserved it 6 661

By thanks - 02/05/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 023

You deserved it 3 528

By catfriend - 06/05/2014 05:42 - United States - Salida

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 022

You deserved it 4 849

Just in case

By thanksbaby - 01/06/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 020

You deserved it 11 588

By Anonymous - 25/09/2011 10:26 - Singapore

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 020

You deserved it 3 679

By IMSERIOUS - 22/01/2014 19:23 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 019

You deserved it 5 830

By Itsnotmeitsyou - 11/10/2013 06:09 - Australia

Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 019

You deserved it 5 105

By fuckmylifeLulu - 09/04/2011 16:07 - United States

Today, I filed my taxes. As a divorcée with children, I was supposed to get $3,500 back from the IRS. Alas, my ex's new wife already filed with my children, who don't live with her. I now owe the IRS $250. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 019

You deserved it 4 096

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 019

You deserved it 4 024

By atterz123 - 12/02/2009 13:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 018

You deserved it 5 421

False hope

By :(( - 14/06/2011 18:06 - United States

Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 017

You deserved it 6 153

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The Top

Today, I had sex with a guy on our third date. We'd just finished having sex and he was blatantly on Tinder right next to me in bed. I literally hadn’t moved yet and he still had a wet boner, and yet he was on Tinder looking for his next hookup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 386

Today, my brother, a plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 005

You deserved it 2 336

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 366

You deserved it 22 724

Today, I was let go from a position that I spent 11 years pouring my heart into. I was fired for ranting in an group chat, after getting 37 minutes of sleep in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 496

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 746

You deserved it 32 311

Today, my youngest sister was Snapchatting a new guy and sent him a selfie with me in it. He responded, “Is that your mom?” I’m 26.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 125