By Itsnotmeitsyou - 11/10/2013 06:09 - Australia
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Just tell him youre not interested. It might be harsh but it's actually the nicest way to go about it
These things usually start because the girl [happens to both genders, but most commonly to girls] does not initially make it clear that she has absolutely no interest, but instead uses some kind of excuse, thus not shutting the door completely. This instills the thought that the girl would go out with the potential stalker, if said excuse wouldn't prevent her from it, and it convinces him that she actually likes him. All further attempts at correcting this misunderstanding will be brushed off as her playing hard to get. The only solution to this is to never let it happen in the first place by directly saying no, instead of giving any kind of excuse. [Granted, even that may not work in all cases. (male and female) Bitches be crazy, y'know?]
#29, Uh no, I've had a guy ask me out, and when I firmly told him that I had no interest a because I already had a boyfriend (who I'd been dating for a year and a half at that point), what he did instead was pester me for the next 2 months by following me around amd waiting outside of my classes because he thought that if he could just talk to me, I'd see that we could be good together. I went to the school administration multiple times, and it only stopped because he was taken out of my school. One of my friends also had a similar problem with a guy. She CLEARLY told him in no uncertain terms that she would never go out with him, but instead of listening to her, he'd tell anyone who would listen that "they're secretely together but she just doesn't want anyone to know yet." He somehow got a hold of her number and texted her until she changed it, and even 2 years later he's STILL convinced that she's just kidding and that she wants to be with him even though she moved to the other side of the freaking country for college just to get away from him. Some guys just don't understand the word no. It doesn't matter how many times you say it, they just think it's a joke. What happens instead is that it turns into a nightmare for the one being pursued because you realize that the person following you around is probably not mentally stable, and you start feeling like you have to look over your shoulder constantly. It's not a pleasant experience.
I had a customer that would come in and completely creep me out, no matter where I was, by the way he would stare at me, it felt like he was looking into my soul. Even all my managers were creeped out for me and had said that he looked like a stalker, rapist and so on and it got to the point to where I was on register and he walked in or came through drive thru, I had a manager take his order for me while I hid in a corner. After awhile he luckily got the point and I haven't seen him in a long time. There are always going to be that one creepy guy.
Man, this could have been from my workplace. I work at a coffee shop and there's this old man who comes in and flirts with all the girls and just stares at us. He's also been caught..."touching himself". Creepiest thing ever. I do suggest telling him you're not interested and maybe even getting a coworker to deal with him if he doesn't creep on them too. Heck, get your male friend to come visit you at work and act like a couple!
#36 But it is her fault for taking a drink from another person instead of getting it herself like she should. Also, if you're going to drink, pay attention to your drink to make sure no one slips something into it. This certainly isn't the case in all rape situations, but in the situation you're insinuating this statement applies. #29 You are correct in many cases, people do tend to have an issue saying no straight out which can cause these situations. Now, as has been stated by #33, this doesn't always work, but it would lower the chance of it happening. If you don't want someone talking to you or trying to be with you, tell that person the honest brutal truth. Don't beat around the bush or act like you may go out with them, but you're not because of X, Y, and Z. If this fails, move to more drastic measures, up to a restraining order if need be. OP, to me this is both a FYL and a YDI. It's your fault for lying to him and making him think you weren't going out with him because of your nonexistent boyfriend, but it also sucks that you have to deal with it. Tell him no firmly and that you lied to him before because you couldn't say no. Let him know the truth. Or get to know him, see if he's actually the creep you think he is. Maybe he's generally a good guy and is just nervous/not acting normal around you? Whatever you do, good luck.
33, I'm not sure whether you stopped reading my comment half-way through or simply ignored the last parts of it, but both of the cases you described were covered by me. Your first example, the one with the boyfriend, falls in the "excuses"-category, because you added a temporary reason to the "No". [Namely, your boyfriend. The boyfriend statement is not a "no" to these people.] Your second example falls into the "nothing helps" category, which I described aswell. Y'know, that "for some people even saying NO outright doesn't help" part that ended my previous comment. 36, I have honestly no idea how you drew that conclusion. Did you maybe not understand the post I made or something? Or are you also among the group of people who say that someone who suggests ways to reduce the chance of being raped is either advocating rape or is an aspiring rapist? Y'know, the people who don't realise that while the rapist is always at fault, women generally still have ways to reduce their chances of becoming a victim. [Although it's admittedly impossible to reduce this chance to zero.]
I didn't add a temprorary reason with him. I told him no, im not interested and when he asked why I told him that I wasn't attracted to him, and that I already had a boyfriend whom I love and had been with for quite a while by that point. Even if id just gone "sorry Im already dating someone!" that doesnt excuse the fact that he stalked me for two months. It doesn't MATTER if a girl gives a guy an excuse or vice versa, the person should take that as a no and move on, and you're an idiot if you cant see that. There is no way that you can justify any type of harassment without sounding like an idiot, so please stop trying.
Also, I read your comment all the way through. But it doesn't make what you said any less idiotic. What you're basically doing is victim blaming. Do you remember the phrase "no means no?" It applies in this case too. If a girl or guy says no, take it as no and move the fuck on. I've flatout said no to guys before who wouldn't just accept no, so I either had to tell them why I dont want to date them, or flat out lie to them in order to get them to back off.
You seem to mistake me stating explanations for why these things happen, with me condoning these things happening. I'm not saying that there are excuses for stalking, even I know fully well that it's a wrong thing to do. What I am saying, however, is that there are ways to understand how stalking works, which is knowledge that can be used in order to prevent it from happening as much as possible. On another note, your statement of "no means no" is correct and works perfectly well in an ideal world. Sad news is: Our world is nowhere close to that. No matter how much you yell that from every house, there will still be people who simply choose to ignore it. Even if they're taught that it's wrong to do so, they'll just continue anyways. What I'm suggesting here is not to simply continue yelling it, as you seem to do, but instead to also try and protect yourself against these people with other methods. I personally know that it is impossible to eradicate harrassment, stalking, rape and the like, so instead of just saying that people who commit these crimes are bad, why not also teach others methods to reduce the chance of becoming a victim to them?
Well, maybe you should just stop playing hard to get, and go out with me. HIM!! I meant him! It's not me..... DEFINITELY not me..... (runs)
Two opinions: Tell him you're looking for that special girl to complete you, Or, tell him you find him creepy and you lied to not hurt his feelings the first time. Now however, I want you to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. If neither of those work, tell him you have half the STI's in the book. See where that takes you. ;p