By SariLone - 19/05/2013 18:02 - India - Mumbai

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks 45 994
You deserved it 8 679
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Same thing different taste

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Top comments

JayElleBee 15

Cockgoblin. Well, there's a word I'm going to use for the rest of my life.

353 3
Wizardo 33

The shit people do for sex... also this guy needs help, I recommend Tiger Woods' therapist.

214 5

Comments

Wizardo 33

The shit people do for sex... also this guy needs help, I recommend Tiger Woods' therapist.

214 5
syley 5

Tiger Woods the rapist sounds like a perfect solution for him. Then he'll have true trauma to complain about!

12 44
rg350dx 29

The friends of OP's ex take the cake for probably the best wingmen of all time. Faking a kidnapping to help get your buddy laid? That's ******* commitment right there.

97 4
Dawnstempest 17

@33 That's a true wingman.

12 10
zanoty 17

That may be my favorite comment ever

2 12
summerguy97 16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
34 49
joedirtxtc 5

Idk why this is getting voted down lol I for one love this idea.

12 3
wildperson 8

Because it's illegal and childish?

8 5
niallo 23

This should be an easy one. It's got all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship written all over it. So I think " Fuckoff And Die" should come close to an appropriate response.

89 4
JayElleBee 15

Cockgoblin. Well, there's a word I'm going to use for the rest of my life.

353 3
AngelSpit 18

Every time I talk to my one ex (we're actually really good friends) I answer the phone with "how's it goes my code guzzling knob goblin" but my absolute Faves are "analy regurgitated come bubble" and "twat waffle"

11 97
PoopNuggetLeader 4

16, should that have really been shared?

72 2
SwaggCapone 11

Yeah I'm pretty sure nobody cares 16

39 4
Sillabub 15

Thank you for entering "cockgoblin" into my vocabulary. I'll wield it happily.

161 3
golden_warrior 23

With great power word like this comes great responsibility! Only if you accept then you may use this word

15 3
denden_mushi 11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
7 28
denden_mushi 11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
2 24
JayElleBee 15

She didn't have sex with him. That's why he called her a selfish bitch.

18 2
SystemofaBlink41 27

I actually didn't realize she hadn't had sex until you said it. The way it was written seemed to imply it had happened in the past...

7 1
denden_mushi 11

12 - I didn't realise that. Thanks for pointing it out, since it wasn't clear when I first read it.

3 0
NeinKittenz 20

I'm going to have to use cockgoblin now.

24 5
xtna 9

Glad you're not as dumb as he thought you were.

24 2
SystemofaBlink41 27

Cockgoblin= New Spiderman villain?

57 4
flockz 19

nope new **** series. Spiderman: Return of the Cockgoblin in a world where a menace roams the streets in search of young virgins to thrust his evil into, a hero must erectify. spiderman must protect these virgins and find the place where he has to park his peter in order to save humanity.

50 1
SystemofaBlink41 27

Quick, someone copyright this!

22 2