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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Disgruntled ADP - 26/10/2018 08:30 - United States - Dallas

Today, we moved desks for the umpteenth time, and my supervisor stuffed me in a corner by the door with no one around to talk to. The worst thing is I hear the badge reader beep every few seconds. It's already driving me crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 344

You deserved it 218

Pick a lane

By Cece - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, while bowling on a first date, the guy I ended things with three days before was bowling too. In the lane next to ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 344

You deserved it 773

That's just cruel

By forever dog-less - 22/12/2018 04:00

Today, my mom told me to go meet a rescue dog. After doing all my research and emailing shelters left and right, I finally got a call. It went well! Then, my mom told me it would never happen. I'm still expecting several emails from the shelters I contacted, so I get to relive this pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 342

You deserved it 208

Three is a magic number

By Jenny - 05/04/2020 23:00

Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 342

You deserved it 509

Cunning

By Single Again - 07/03/2020 06:11

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 342

You deserved it 168

There goes the neighborhood

By Backtoschool - 28/08/2018 15:00

Today, while preparing to move into my dorm, I received two e-mails from the campus police. The first stated that there had been 76 overdoses from a synthetic drug reported around campus this week and the second said there had been a stabbing on campus this morning. Happy back to school to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 189

By Chase - 15/05/2017 18:00

Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 6 439

By mario - 02/03/2019 19:00 - United States - Corvallis

Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 208

Innocent

By ouch! - 22/08/2020 08:02

Today, I was playfully chasing my daughter along the waterline at the beach when the biggest, buffest, lifeguard I’d ever seen full-on NFL-style tackled me. Apparently I "looked like a creep" chasing a young girl. My ribs hurt like the devil and my daughter won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 180

By mastermind - 22/08/2018 23:30

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 338

You deserved it 750

By Getthelysol - 10/10/2018 05:00

Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 338

You deserved it 1 544

Loyalty card

By fuck you sis - 12/10/2019 16:00

Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 336

You deserved it 179

But my grandbabiiiiiiies!

By Anonymous - 21/09/2021 02:00

Today, my mother was sneaking through my underwear and found my condoms and the bills from the hospital where I had my IUD inserted. She then started yelling at me, saying that I didn't have permission to not have children and that, "I get to choose, not you." I'm 28 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 335

You deserved it 203

Without me

By CrescentSelene - 23/12/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 335

You deserved it 254

Leech

By Anonymous - 13/06/2022 00:00

Today, my daughter broke up with her boyfriend and moved back in with me, because he kept doing things like inviting her on dates, trying to talk to her, and even, god forbid, trying to have sex with her. All this apparently got in the way of her watching anime 24/7. I'm never getting rid of her, am I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 334

You deserved it 502

There must be other reasons

By Anonymous - 12/05/2022 00:01

Today, my wife is leaving me because I don’t satisfy her sexually. Chance would be a fine thing, every time I get romantic, all I get is, "I have a headache", "I think my period's coming", “Is sex all you think about?”, “What if the neighbours hear us?”, and my all time favourite, “Ew, not a chance.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 316

Christmas shopping

By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 20:00

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 331

You deserved it 234

By Marcus - 20/01/2019 18:00

Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 331

You deserved it 918

Last trip

By cap - 09/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 335

By Money Shot - 15/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum on the deck, but when I rolled back, my elderly neighbor yelled, "Don't do that in the open if you won’t give up the money shot." FML