Love: Today, I found out why a boy I like has been ignoring me since... - FML

By Bibi - Brazil - Brasilia

Today, I found out why a boy I like has been ignoring me since we went out for drinks the other night. I accidentally got too drunk and remember nothing except that I decided to play on my phone for awhile. The next day he wouldn't even talk to me and when I asked why, he told me that I had drunkenly revealed to him that I had multiple crushes, all of their names, and had showed him all of my conversations with them on WhatsApp. FML

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BO Central

Season finale

Incognito browsing

By msamberjade - United States - Columbus

New movie

Today, my boyfriend came home with three of his best friends and broke up with me in front of them. Then, when I asked if we could talk privately, he filmed it for "documentation". FML

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By infected - Denmark

Today, I had a snowball fight with a friend. In the midst of the game, I stole her hat and put it on my head, ignoring her pleas. Apparently, she was trying to say she had head lice. I can now verify that. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

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By rotezora - Switzerland - Basel

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

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By Old and Ugly - United States

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

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By booboo300

Today, I picked up my gardisal 9 hpv update shot that my doctor prescribed and discovered that not only do I need three of them, they are $200 a piece. The guy I was dating that was the reason I needed the booster broke up with me on Friday. FML

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By Sybille - France

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

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By sma93 - United States - Baldwin

Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML

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By sarahbeth93 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend to stop tickling me, since I absolutely hate being tickled. He got extremely pissed at me and left the room. It took me a full five minutes to realize that I'd called him by my ex's name. FML

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By eh - Azerbaijan - Baku

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

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By PhailedMidterm - United States - Mattapan

Today, I was at the library doing research for my midterm. All of the computers were in use, so I decided to use my laptop instead. Ten minutes later, I was confronted and kicked out. My offense? Unauthorized use of the library's so-called "Free Public WiFi". FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML

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By dgilbs - United States - Grosse Pointe

Today, my friends and I went out to dinner. Being short on cash, I suggested a game where we put our phones in the center of the table and first to check their phone had to pay the bill. Our conversation died out, and fearful of having an awkward silence, I checked my phone. FML

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By synn - Singapore

Today, I went for a job briefing, and after that was told to do some editing for them. When I asked the person whether I was paid for the day, she laughed and said no. She was serious. FML

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By Yoooooo0 - United States

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

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By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - Sweden - Uppsala

Bad timing

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

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By Tmth

Today, I'm on crutches due to hip surgery. I went to the fridge to grab a bite to eat, but quickly realized if I wanted anything, I would have to eat there. I can't carry anything. Cold leftovers here we go. FML

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By blueballs - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

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By DoYourWorst - Canada

Dorsia? On a Friday night?

Today, marks yet another day when I've been threatened to be ruined with the words, "I know people in high places!" and had objects thrown at me at my workplace. I'm a hostess. FML

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By Sudokori

A Dog's Love = Priceless

Today, I bought a lottery ticket. Two hours ago, I found out that the ticket was worth $100. Five minutes ago, I found my dog eating it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

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By Caeru - United States

Dumbass idea

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

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By Anon127 - United States - Taunton

Today, I learned that instead of training my cat, she has been training me. She now refuses to drink anything but running tap water, and yowls loudly early in the morning at my bedroom door to be fed. FML

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By Xandar

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

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By countrygirl8846 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I went to pick up some pictures I took on a family trip, but the person at the counter said someone else had already picked them up. Now not only am I out $20, some random creep has pictures of me and my whole family. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

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By must be adopted - United States - Houston

Today, I casually mentioned to my dad that it was the Chinese New Year yesterday. He accused me of insulting his intelligence by "making stupid shit up." I explained that it's real, and that we just use the Gregorian calendar, hence the different dates. He responded by grounding me. FML

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By AFGirlfriend - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

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By vivelawank - United Kingdom

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

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By rabid_otaku - United States - Sycamore

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

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By no_service - United States

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

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By Thescarlettfox - 17/9/2020 16:58

Now Playing

Today, my eleven-year-old cousin, who lives with me, has discovered Old Town Road. He’s been playing it for four hours on repeat and I’m ready to scream. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, a customer ordered a caramel latte with no caramel. I made a regular latte after explaining that’s what it was. He got angry and threw it at me. I got fired for insulting his intelligence. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML

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By retard99 - Canada

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

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By potatohead

Today, I had a nasty headache so I tried to take a nap. Unfortunately, my college had a homecoming parade a block away from where I live. I never knew our marching band sounded that awful. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

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Top comments

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7494595 - Sunday 16 July 2017 21:54

How does one accidentally get drunk? An open bottle of whiskey walking nearby tripped, fell, and landed in your mouth?

By A Frenchy in Eire | 31

#7494588 - Sunday 16 July 2017 21:51

One does not simply "accidentally" get too drunk...

COMMENTS

By A Frenchy in Eire | 31

#7494588 - Sunday 16 July 2017 21:51

One does not simply "accidentally" get too drunk...

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7494595 - Sunday 16 July 2017 21:54

How does one accidentally get drunk? An open bottle of whiskey walking nearby tripped, fell, and landed in your mouth?

Reply

Cali | 54

#7497076 - Tuesday 18 July 2017 17:21

Have you never underestimated the strength of a mixed drink? Sometimes a single glass of punch can almost knock you out!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7494599 - Sunday 16 July 2017 21:57

Drunk you has no shame.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7494604 - Sunday 16 July 2017 22:03

I clicked YDI as soon as I read you got too drunk.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7494627 - Sunday 16 July 2017 22:28

Then maybe you should exercise self control. Ever think about that?

By Gwengreen | 6

#7494662 - Sunday 16 July 2017 23:03

This is a sad example of hate the playa, not the game. Poor form OP.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7494691 - Sunday 16 July 2017 23:55

You really need to know your limit.

Guys don’t like it when girls get sloppy drunk. Unless they are rapists.

Reply

korpse | 6

#7507677 - Wednesday 26 July 2017 13:43

Anyone who gets sloppy drunk can get annoying; it's not a question of gender.

By thatslifeiguess7 | 15

#7494700 - Monday 17 July 2017 0:10

You my dear are not old enough to drink...now or ever! How old are you? 13? Geez did a genie show up and make you drunk?

By ImminentDisaster | 12

#7495167 - Monday 17 July 2017 10:06

Maybe OP has never had alcohol or gotten drunk before, so didn't realise how quickly they'd get drunk or quite what effect it would have on them.

By jessicasoho | 13

#7495172 - Monday 17 July 2017 10:11

Did you date Bill Cosby?