By CrescentSelene - Canada - Edmonton

Without me

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2204

You deserved it

228

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Miscellaneous

Our house, in the middle of our street

Go anyway, see the sights

OK, well, goodbye

By dreamer2639 - United States

Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML

I agree, your life sucks

15478

You deserved it

47863

Favorite

By littlekellilee

Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with cancer is going. He responded by asking for boob pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3603

You deserved it

350

Favorite

By hfs palm - United States

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28515

You deserved it

2513

Favorite

By newestallen

MILs gonna MIL...

Today, I married the love of my life, which was meant to stay secret until we can afford a ceremony. I opened Facebook to see that my hubby’s mom made a post about it, called me her new daughter-in-law, and tagged me. All 3 things we specifically asked her not to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3223

You deserved it

413

Favorite

By LGFLIPSTER - Canada

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44624

You deserved it

6534

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35796

You deserved it

4264

Favorite

By Mrs.Slyfox - Canada

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he'd resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren't for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35213

You deserved it

58288

Favorite

By letmediealready

Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5636

You deserved it

320

Favorite

By Anonymous - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24822

You deserved it

8242

Favorite

By Maryann - 19/3/2021 05:01

Word of the day

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

789

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74718

You deserved it

9532

Favorite

By victoriassecret - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had "deflated" somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35445

You deserved it

4109

Favorite

By bruh_im18 - United States - Metairie

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12927

You deserved it

2546

Favorite

By ThankfullyNotKickedOut - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11339

You deserved it

3982

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36973

You deserved it

4277

Favorite

By mr. machine - United States

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1272

You deserved it

617

Favorite

By kidswithnomanners - United States

Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32245

You deserved it

10221

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, at a Christmas party, a cute girl was making a show of standing under some mistletoe. As I walked over, she quickly moved away in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32667

You deserved it

4203

Favorite

By Anonymous

Mr Commitment

Today, I asked the person I love to commit to me. Instead, he packed his shit and moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1565

You deserved it

406

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, the two government buildings on either side of my apartment both started renovations. It will be about two months of constant banging as they cut and put up the steel on both sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3422

You deserved it

239

Favorite

By SchoolSucks - United States

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46284

You deserved it

3192

Favorite

By SwimminginSweat - United States

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26096

You deserved it

4486

Favorite

By Gnomead

Why People Break Bad

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3065

You deserved it

192

Favorite

By Homeless? - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I have been vomiting for 4 days. Tomorrow, my landlord is insisting on inspecting my flat. I now either have to clean my house whilst trying not to throw up all around it, or fail my inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11040

You deserved it

1213

Favorite

By UglyApparently - United Kingdom

Today, I told a guy at work about my boyfriend. His immediate response was to ask me if I was making him up. He's the third person to react this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30136

You deserved it

3912

Favorite

By shrimp41 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46804

You deserved it

16203

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30408

You deserved it

3205

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while blowing my nose after being bunged up for days, it finally unblocked. A solid slimy multicoloured booger roughly the size of a grape shot out, blew right through the tissue and landed on my manager's shoe. Hell hath no fury like a lady sneezed upon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3697

You deserved it

479

Favorite

By screewit - United States

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

101498

You deserved it

4940

Favorite

By GN - United States - New York

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9305

You deserved it

46813

Favorite

By the poor man - Australia - Perth

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22106

You deserved it

10143

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50514

You deserved it

2502

Favorite

By BAMN2187 - United States

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32894

You deserved it

9011

Favorite

By zain - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49817

You deserved it

3675

Favorite

By DestinyJoy

Today, at Starbucks, I complimented the awkward nerdy barista's name tag because of the funny Sonic decorations on it. The dude took it as me flirting and gave me my drink with Sonic drawn on it. I had applied to work there and now I can't go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5277

You deserved it

1859

Favorite

By rob

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I'd kissed another girl five days before we got together. She told me, "That's OK, I slept with my boss last week." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49478

You deserved it

7957

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23739

You deserved it

7022

Favorite

By Hailey - United States

Today, I took sexy pictures for my boyfriend. I am at my Aunt's house. I uploaded the pictures and after successfully posting them in a message I deleted them. I accidentally deleted the whole photo library. Now she is taking the computer to Apple tomorrow to recover the "lost" photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11339

You deserved it

57740

Favorite

By Furry - United Kingdom

Today, I looked outside with a grimace at the very heavy rainfall through which I had to trudge a long way. I waited ten minutes for it to let up, only to find it was getting heavier. So, I started walking anyway. After getting soaked to the bone, I walked through my door, and it stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29222

You deserved it

3446

Favorite

By gfg - Romania

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

173342

You deserved it

24521

Favorite

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Top comments

By MrSassypants | 32

#6599108 - Saturday 7 May 2016 5:21

The weirdest part is that I was cropped in.

By DingleCherryBomb | 4

#7869261 - Monday 23 December 2019 23:47

Why would you, or any of her other family members for that matter, be on her profile picture? It's HER profile 😐😐

COMMENTS

By MrSassypants | 32

#6599108 - Saturday 7 May 2016 5:21

The weirdest part is that I was cropped in.

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7869240 - Monday 23 December 2019 21:44

Guess your not part of the family

By DingleCherryBomb | 4

#7869261 - Monday 23 December 2019 23:47

Why would you, or any of her other family members for that matter, be on her profile picture? It's HER profile 😐😐

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7869270 - Tuesday 24 December 2019 1:30

Kinda like how Kenan Thompson keeps getting cropped out of that SNL still from Eddie Murphy's return.