By I'mSoHungry - New Zealand - Auckland

I am very hungry

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2257

You deserved it

177

Favorite

Work

Dominion

It is what it is

Insurance is a scam

By nicetomeetyou2 - Canada - Nepean

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41629

You deserved it

3492

Favorite

By anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7727

You deserved it

42296

Favorite

By PPP - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32558

You deserved it

3295

Favorite

By nopethanks - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I woke up really early to get ready for an interview. I guess it was too early because my mom thought someone broke into our house and now I have two bruised ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32829

You deserved it

2756

Favorite

By billjoebob424 - Canada

Today, I've been so accustomed to kissing my girlfriend that when I gave my best bud a hug, I kissed him on the neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20332

You deserved it

7414

Favorite

By Balphleair - Lebanon - Saida

Fight the power!

Today, my country went on strike and is overthrowing the government, and I'm stuck on a night shift at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1366

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By Matti

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3104

You deserved it

217

Favorite

By sickofsick - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41556

You deserved it

3963

Favorite

By elipses - Canada

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48007

You deserved it

2980

Favorite

By ccc - United States

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55993

You deserved it

4406

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Draper

Today, at the store, I didn't hear the cashier when she asked if I had a loyalty card. She took one look at my naturally bitchy-looking face and muttered "It's my JOB to ask, jeez." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11626

You deserved it

2056

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10598

You deserved it

680

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20780

You deserved it

62860

Favorite

By Melting in Texas

Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13743

You deserved it

933

Favorite

By dk_2k16 - United States - Hattiesburg

Check that expiration date man, it's later than you think

Today, I went to take my permit test. I had been studying for months and was familiar with the whole book. When I sat down to take my test, I didn't recognize any of the questions. I went home and found out the book I used to study was the book my mom used to take her test in 1970. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15511

You deserved it

18743

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14815

You deserved it

21566

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little sister figured out how to use the printer. I came home to pictures of Nicolas Cage all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37254

You deserved it

5804

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone to a guy I really like from work. We'd been talking for about 2 minutes, when he said he was getting another call, and put me on hold. I was so excited to be on the phone with him, it took me a whole 15 minutes to realise he had actually just hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34181

You deserved it

7371

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26945

You deserved it

4632

Favorite

By muffin - Austria

Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40092

You deserved it

7402

Favorite

By dammed - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25930

You deserved it

2111

Favorite

By Devil - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30445

You deserved it

5737

Favorite

By tacky_unrefined - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51396

You deserved it

4061

Favorite

By phukt - United States

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20121

You deserved it

30482

Favorite

By Brightbulb - United States

Today, I went to work feeling great. I'd just paid off my student loans and was planning a trip to see friends in Italy. I left work unemployed because a fraud case I exposed 3 years ago got the company sued for slander. It was thrown out because everything was fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3694

You deserved it

329

Favorite

By Bribri - United States

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36730

You deserved it

2452

Favorite

By Kit2019 - United States

Today, I got overly excited because someone texted me, but then realized that moments before, I had sent myself a message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1274

You deserved it

378

Favorite

By Swatted - United States - Sparks

Today, a model I've been working on for an art competition was declined. They thought I was being insensitive and "rudely glorifying 9/11". My model was about the ending scene of King Kong. I spent twenty hours on that model. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31164

You deserved it

2920

Favorite

By always amazed - Canada - Barrie

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19118

You deserved it

3002

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26721

You deserved it

3249

Favorite

By soomeone - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. I started putting my arm around her, when I hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13648

You deserved it

25556

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55915

You deserved it

9326

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46498

You deserved it

6268

Favorite

By Bethany - United States - Cable

Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19337

You deserved it

42978

Favorite

By do your own ironing

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45728

You deserved it

5534

Favorite

By Cow lover - United States - Schenectady

Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15108

You deserved it

2332

Favorite

By ccat209 - United States - Riverton

Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3653

You deserved it

8922

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a guy in a fancy car tailed me for twenty minutes, just so he could take a picture of my license plate and tell me there's a $300 fine for flicking cigarette ashes out your window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11915

You deserved it

31425

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Call Mario

Today, I was making out with a guy in a washroom at a party. Things got heavy and the guy lifted me onto the sink. The sink broke off from the wall. This caused a flood in the apartment. The party was canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16936

You deserved it

38394

Favorite

By Xanadu - United States

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39464

You deserved it

5779

Favorite

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Top comments

By jfigley | 5

#7873465 - Friday 10 January 2020 20:18

Haha, this is a legit FML. Sorry about you lunch tho. That blows...

By Seeya55 | 31

#7873501 - Friday 10 January 2020 23:59

Ah yes, the ol' grey poupon!

COMMENTS

By jfigley | 5

#7873465 - Friday 10 January 2020 20:18

Haha, this is a legit FML. Sorry about you lunch tho. That blows...

By Seeya55 | 31

#7873501 - Friday 10 January 2020 23:59

Ah yes, the ol' grey poupon!

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7873505 - Saturday 11 January 2020 1:00

Mission successful

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7873566 - Saturday 11 January 2020 8:47

I hereby name that bird "Banner", so I can quote "Dick move, Banner", and cement my place as God of Gods.

By Jonkbaby | 20

#7873839 - Sunday 12 January 2020 15:54

corporate material