By fuck you sis

Loyalty card

Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

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By WakeUpToADream - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

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By kvdfan - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

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By failfailfail - United Kingdom

Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

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By Sandman2015 - United States - American Fork

Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML

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By dangit - United States

Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML

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By friend loves a gay guy... - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

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By JJLight - United States - Camarillo

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

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By ToiletProblems - United States - Northbrook

Today, I decided to use the disabled toilet in work to get a little extra privacy while I did my business. The cleaners who unlocked the door from the outside and barged in on me were nice and waited until I finished to apologize and explain there were complaints the door had been locked for days. FML

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By Sodapop40 - 21/6/2020 05:05

"Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield starts playing…

Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Saltillo

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

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By Wolf - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sends a text to one of his "friends" saying "I'm thinking of you". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was refereeing at a kids' soccer tournament and a deer ran across one of the fields. Some of the parents then claimed that a deer on the field meant a free kick. FML

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By koolkidx3 - United States

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

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By Mr Hawks - France

Today, I decided to put my computer on slideshow mode. Did you know that hidden files are also read when you put slideshow on? I discovered this, as did my entire family, when my naked girlfriend appeared on the screen. FML

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By frustrated - United Kingdom

Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML

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By well then - United States - Forest Park

Today, my girlfriend randomly confessed to basically having a "phobia" of monogamy. But don't worry, she defensively assured me she's never ever cheated on me, even though I never said she had, so I guess that's okay then. FML

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By anidiotskeeper - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

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By cmoney6452 - United States

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my date took nearly 10 minutes to get an erection, had to be shown where the entrance to my vagina was, since he kept missing it and poking me in the thigh, he orgasmed after only 3 thrusts, fell asleep straight away, then an hour later had the nerve to ask if I’d had fun too. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was trying to swat a wasp in my bedroom. I got so frustrated that I ended up punching myself in the face. The wasp is still here, and now I look like I've been in a brawl. FML

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By danikka1 - United States

Today, I told my husband that after fifteen years of marriage, I wanted a divorce. His first question was whether or not he could still go on the family cruise my parents are paying for in May. FML

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By Hotdogwater

Today, my neighbour put in a noise complaint against me for being loud at midnight. I was having a coughing fit and couldn't breath. FML

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By lageste - France

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

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By TingBarter - United States

Today, I heard a student in the class I assist having trouble with a download. I walked over and showed him how to save to his flash drive, and how to use 7z to unzip said file. I then found out I'd just assisted him in downloading a half gig of porn during class. FML

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By O__o - United States

Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

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By singkong duleng

Today, I told my mom that my wife and I got her a birthday present, but she won't be getting it until April. That instantly pissed her off, cussing us out calling us cheap worthless selfish bastards. I was about to surprise her that she's finally going to be a grandma. FML

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By abygalee - United States - Akron

Today, my mom hadn't talked to me for 5 days, so worried sick I called my grandpa. She's been in jail, and no one cared to inform me. Great. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

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By LilyL - United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

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By Benjamin - Canada

Today, I was rear-ended by a girl barely out of her teens. I got out of my car and went to get her insurance details, only for her mother to get out and up in my face, screaming at me to, "Get back in your fucking car and get the fuck out of here!" I panicked and did just that. FML

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By CrackHouseBaby - United Kingdom - Manchester

This Is Us

Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML

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By jbthedude - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

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By mulligan - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

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By awkwardaf3 - United States - Bel Air

Today, as I squatted down to get a snack, my pajama pants ripped wide open. I guess the universe is try to tell me something. FML

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By shellbom - United Kingdom

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said "how would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

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By mr_loveless - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

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Top comments

By Charlie Given | 23

#7850607 - Saturday 12 October 2019 17:38

Your sister sounds narcissistic and is manipulating your parents

By budshot | 2

#7850609 - Saturday 12 October 2019 17:52

you're already the bigger person.

just move on.

COMMENTS

By Charlie Given | 23

#7850607 - Saturday 12 October 2019 17:38

Your sister sounds narcissistic and is manipulating your parents

Reply

MidnaLink | 32

#7850645 - Saturday 12 October 2019 20:28

Or they could genuinely be idiots, but I see your take on this.

By budshot | 2

#7850609 - Saturday 12 October 2019 17:52

you're already the bigger person.

just move on.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7850610 - Saturday 12 October 2019 18:03

While you have the scissors out, why don't you cut out your parents, too?

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7850611 - Saturday 12 October 2019 18:03

Blood family ties do not mean you have to stand by them.

By bullsonyourface | 20

#7850615 - Saturday 12 October 2019 18:19

forgive her. not for her but for yourself. you don't have to go have drinks with the bitch, but holding on to this anger will give you explosive diarrhea.

By Surewhatever | 35

#7850663 - Saturday 12 October 2019 22:05

Ah Hell NAHHH!
Be angry. What a horrible breach of trust and love on so many levels.

By Surewhatever | 35

#7850664 - Saturday 12 October 2019 22:06

You are an amazing person. If this happened to me, I think there might be bodies.

By Mathalamus | 24

#7850696 - Sunday 13 October 2019 1:02

They aren't wrong, but they should understand that it takes time to forgive.

Reply

JackFaire | 27

#7850749 - Sunday 13 October 2019 8:36

They are very wrong. With my sister I have forgiven her for the things she did to me but there is no place in my life for a sociopathic narcissist.

By mcsmee | 5

#7850714 - Sunday 13 October 2019 4:49

Pick better boyfriends?

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7850756 - Sunday 13 October 2019 8:52

I guess we can see who the favorite sister is.