By fuck you sis

Loyalty card

Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML

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Out of it

This Charming Man

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By ET. - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Remember when conspiracy theories were fun?

Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML

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By Eli - United States

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

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By reese

The arrogance of youth

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

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By Wraith - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Southfield

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

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By Anonymous - Costa Rica

Today, I found out that my mom goes through my garbage. I'm 25 and don't live with her. FML

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By levi Glasscock - United States

Today, my mom called me and said, "I made your sister laugh so hard she peed her pants." I got home and noticed she also peed on my bed. FML

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By Jim - United States

Today, I went to the hospital for wrenching pains in my abdomen. It turns out I have the largest "non removable" kidney stone my doctor has ever seen. It's the size of a fucking walnut. I have to pass the thing. FML

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By young grandpa - United States - Statham

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

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By Loser - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

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By not taking those! - 6/10/2020 23:07 - United States

Lobbied

Today, I called my insurance company begging for a new doctor. All my current one does is prescribe antidepressants for everything. Migraines? AD! Dizziness? AD! Birth control? AD! I’ve been having rough periods and I’m pretty sure she’s just trying to push pills to bill us more. FML

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By horriblefashionsense - United States - Winter Garden

It's Thursday!

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Anonymous's next job could be in cyber (she just doesn't know it yet)

Today, my doctor told me the severe hearing damage from my car accident is permanent. I just graduated with a degree for Interpreting and Translating. FML

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By camerashyguy - United States - Longview

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 08:02 - United States - Gwynn Oak

Holiday cheer

Today, I’m convinced my mother in law comes over every holiday just to make me miserable. She comes in, criticizes me food, snarks then ignores the kids. I dread every holiday and spend it getting drunk and casting F-you glances at my husband. Is it wrong to buy her a casket for the next holiday? Is it really? FML

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By Anonymous - Malawi

Today, I went to a coworker's wedding. Instead of getting to celebrate their marriage, we spent most of the service being lectured by the priest on how women are a freak by-product of "God's masterpiece design" and are the cause of all the world's problems. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the guy I liked how I felt by making him a mixed CD. Confident, I gave it to him. After class, I went to the trash can to throw some paper away. I saw my mixed CD in the trash. FML

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By dentedmercedes - United States - Berkley

Today, I was rear ended at McDonald's by the same driver who rear ended me at the same McDonald's last week. FML

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By FrOsTy25

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

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By jellybean_94 - Canada

Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

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By brsoxgirl - United States

Today, I learned why my boyfriend of 10 months and I never hang out at his place. He still lives at home with his mother. He's 38. FML

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By sugar - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

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By Taraa3 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

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By guess28 - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

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By Bug8Frog - United States - Anchorage

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

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By Lulu - United States

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

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By Bullet dodged - 20/2/2021 00:59 - United Kingdom

Get out while you still can

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML

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By Pirated booty - 11/5/2021 04:01

Movie worthy

Today, after I found gold coins a few years ago, nothing newsworthy but enough to pay off my parents' mortgage, some landowning douche, who is already a millionaire, is now claiming the lake where I found the coins is his, and is suing me for the coins' full value. If I lose in court, my parents may have to sell their house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellingham

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

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By lumacsp - United States

Today, I stopped at the light when someone crashed on to my motorcycle making me fall. The guy claimed it was my fault because I stopped too fast. I got really mad, so I attempted to spit on his face and was ready to start a fight when I noticed that I forgot to lift the helmet shield. FML

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By danny

Today, while working at a chain restaurant, I forgot to charge someone a few dollars for extra toppings on the side. My stingy boss took the time to take that money out of my paycheck. FML

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By insomniac - United States

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

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By chessgeeksam - United States

Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML

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By Annonymous - United States - Fallbrook

Today, my water got cut off. The previous homeowners owed the water company over $300, and the company doesn't believe that I'm not them. The supervisor told me this will keep happening until I pay up. I need a shower. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2021 04:01

Nice guys

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend handed me this month’s rental statement with “Paid” written in red ink. He says it’s my gift, because, "that shit adds up every month" and I should be "grateful" that I have a roof over my head for another month instead of being "materialistic." FML

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Top comments

By Charlie Given | 24

#7850607 - Saturday 12 October 2019 17:38

Your sister sounds narcissistic and is manipulating your parents

By budshot | 2

#7850609 - Saturday 12 October 2019 17:52

you're already the bigger person.

just move on.

COMMENTS

By Charlie Given | 24

#7850607 - Saturday 12 October 2019 17:38

Your sister sounds narcissistic and is manipulating your parents

Reply

MidnaLink | 33

#7850645 - Saturday 12 October 2019 20:28

Or they could genuinely be idiots, but I see your take on this.

By budshot | 2

#7850609 - Saturday 12 October 2019 17:52

you're already the bigger person.

just move on.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7850610 - Saturday 12 October 2019 18:03

While you have the scissors out, why don't you cut out your parents, too?

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7850611 - Saturday 12 October 2019 18:03

Blood family ties do not mean you have to stand by them.

By bullsonyourface | 20

#7850615 - Saturday 12 October 2019 18:19

forgive her. not for her but for yourself. you don't have to go have drinks with the bitch, but holding on to this anger will give you explosive diarrhea.

By Surewhatever | 35

#7850663 - Saturday 12 October 2019 22:05

Ah Hell NAHHH!
Be angry. What a horrible breach of trust and love on so many levels.

By Surewhatever | 35

#7850664 - Saturday 12 October 2019 22:06

You are an amazing person. If this happened to me, I think there might be bodies.

By Mathalamus | 24

#7850696 - Sunday 13 October 2019 1:02

They aren't wrong, but they should understand that it takes time to forgive.

Reply

JackFaire | 27

#7850749 - Sunday 13 October 2019 8:36

They are very wrong. With my sister I have forgiven her for the things she did to me but there is no place in my life for a sociopathic narcissist.

By mcsmee | 6

#7850714 - Sunday 13 October 2019 4:49

Pick better boyfriends?

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7850756 - Sunday 13 October 2019 8:52

I guess we can see who the favorite sister is.