Christmas shopping

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2171

You deserved it

198

Favorite

Intimate moments

Serious times

Walk on the wild side

This is fine

By zarko - Croatia - Zagreb

The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one!

Today, I created myself a Dropbox folder named "Traffic fines". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3270

You deserved it

5529

Favorite

By JC12345 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebees for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked "How was it?" he says "It was terrible", to which I said "The food was that bad?" He replies "No, the sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

90674

You deserved it

13763

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8294

You deserved it

44087

Favorite

By fEk - Australia

Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1889

You deserved it

296

Favorite

By ThatNewCarSmell - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21856

You deserved it

45479

Favorite

By karlajjjjj - United Kingdom - Cold Ashby

Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4 hour drive away, walking past me on the path. I turned my head and called to her, causing me not to notice the pothole in front of me. My front wheel went in and I went over the handlebars. It wasn't even my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40271

You deserved it

11668

Favorite

By dibman - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27634

You deserved it

2942

Favorite

By purged - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45985

You deserved it

8625

Favorite

By notip - United States

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31969

You deserved it

5610

Favorite

By DuckyKiller - United States

Today, I was at a pond taking pictures with my new camera. I saw a mama duck leading her babies around and decided to get in closer to take a picture. Mama duck got spooked and led her babies too close to a waterfall escaping. One fell off. It never surfaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24510

You deserved it

57315

Favorite

By filipkm - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14350

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2775

Favorite

By Shiet - Singapore

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

I agree, your life sucks

9788

You deserved it

21608

Favorite

By jake - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24689

You deserved it

40578

Favorite

By hbt51 - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23917

You deserved it

1935

Favorite

By Annoymous - Australia

Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43406

You deserved it

5791

Favorite

By s0728 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37484

You deserved it

3289

Favorite

By wrongnumber - United States

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24508

You deserved it

3192

Favorite

By -_- - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33944

You deserved it

3169

Favorite

By stupid - Ireland

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40546

You deserved it

4593

Favorite

By my teeth! - 24/7/2020 14:07

Like riding a bike

Today, my sister and I were trying to teach our kids how to Double Dutch. While giving a demonstration of how to jump in while the ropes were turning, my feet got jumbled. I ended up faceplanting in front of all the kids, who screamed in horror at my bloodied face and missing tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1317

You deserved it

331

Favorite

By moron - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31277

You deserved it

3715

Favorite

By Jonathan

Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73325

You deserved it

19692

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I purchased a cactus in a cute little pot and put it on my windowsill so it could get sun. Unfortunately, that's also where I have my alarm clock. Guess which one I grabbed in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2186

You deserved it

2600

Favorite

By ouch - Australia - Collaroy

Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30882

You deserved it

5001

Favorite

By Dr_JF - France

Today, I told myself: "Go on you big geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your PC, go for a walk". I finally muster the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've been in an internet cafe for four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23389

You deserved it

9010

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/4/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Business is business

Today, my lawyer lied to me about how much of a settlement she won for my workplace accident. I got £20,000, but she lied and kept £55,000 for herself. My lawyer is my wife, and she claims she’s entitled to that money since she’s the one who’s really suffered caring for me during my recovery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1494

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By lonelygal69 - United States - Stafford

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29966

You deserved it

3748

Favorite

By Timeless - Canada

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

I agree, your life sucks

9173

You deserved it

55767

Favorite

By Poppleton99 - United States - Cedar City

Today, I was hanging out with a friend out of state. He had some friends with him and we were all having a great time, until they found out I live in Utah. They instantly assumed I was Mormon and started to act weird around me. This is a frequent occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21137

You deserved it

1962

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42167

You deserved it

3067

Favorite

By B - United States

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25275

You deserved it

4640

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41968

You deserved it

7385

Favorite

By TooQuick - Mozambique - Maputo

Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10808

You deserved it

2726

Favorite

By stupidneighbor - United States

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65012

You deserved it

3510

Favorite

By Ashley

Fire…?

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1436

You deserved it

148

Favorite

By nekkidness - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9514

You deserved it

38840

Favorite

By GeeThanks - Canada - Toronto

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51422

You deserved it

3965

Favorite

By lehonj49 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50743

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71720

You deserved it

6372

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28665

You deserved it

3909

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Hangryko | 17

#7869874 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:11

Originally posted on May 8, 2010 from the Philippines.

By Sinshine | 27

#7869873 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:11

Better a mannequin than another woman, I guess.

COMMENTS

By Sinshine | 27

#7869873 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:11

Better a mannequin than another woman, I guess.

By Hangryko | 17

#7869874 - Thursday 26 December 2019 23:11

Originally posted on May 8, 2010 from the Philippines.

alycion | 38

#7869892 - Friday 27 December 2019 1:19

The old ones usually do not have a user name tied to them. Wonder if submissions slowed down and they are just reusing old at this point.

Enyi | 8

#7870155 - Saturday 28 December 2019 9:09

My mortifying FML didn't go through as FML enough and they reuse old stuff? Just what the...

julfunky | 29

#7870383 - Sunday 29 December 2019 11:19

Users wade through the new FMLs first. So if your “horrifying” FML hasn’t been posted then either (a) it was riddled with grammar mistakes and they weren’t having it, (b) obviously fake, or (c) it’s just taking some time to be published, which happens.