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The all-time greatest FMLs

By THATgirl - 26/01/2018 15:00

Today, our wedding venue canceled on us, leaving us 8 months to find another in peak foliage season. My parents contacted the local news over the ordeal, but they're using my name and picture to make me look like a whiny brat who didn’t get her way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 082

You deserved it 1 246

By chickenflavouredlaptop - 09/04/2018 01:30

Today, I received my new laptop in the mail and put it on the kitchen counter, where my family charges all our electronics. My mom then decided to make soup and spilt chicken broth all over my new laptop before I even got the chance to turn it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 082

You deserved it 1 053

Bastard Bambi busts bumper

By SugarCoat - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I volunteered to go get ice cream if I could use my mother's car. She told me to be VERY careful. Not ten minutes later, I hit a deer, which got up and walked off as though nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 081

You deserved it 759

What's up, doc?

By Anonymous - 07/04/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 080

You deserved it 2 026

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 080

You deserved it 375

By Anonymous - 10/09/2017 00:00 - Australia - Coogee

Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 080

You deserved it 421

By Anonymous - 18/08/2018 03:30

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 074

You deserved it 681

By Phobia - 29/12/2017 15:00

Today, thanks to my new anti-anxiety meds, I am finally no longer agoraphobic. Today also marks 5 weeks of constant diarrhea due to the same meds. Guess who's not leaving the house anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 074

You deserved it 313

By Anonymous - 27/07/2018 08:00 - United States - Macon

Today, as I was pulling into work at 15 weeks pregnant, I projectile vomit all over myself and my vehicle. I had an emotional breakdown as I went back home, and called my boss to let him know I would not be in that day. I am now looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 073

You deserved it 530

J'accuse...!

By hockeymango57 - 24/09/2017 23:15

Today, one of my friends blew a giant vape cloud and the principal saw and called us into his office. We blamed each other, so the principal checked both of our backpacks. Apparently, my friend snuck his pen into my bag somehow. I don't even vape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 072

You deserved it 641

By Seriously? - 22/07/2017 13:54

Today, my friend with benefits got my new car stuck in a mud hole. I had to call my ex to get us unstuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 072

You deserved it 2 043

By longdistancemyass - 11/08/2017 23:15

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is currently dating a girl who lives in Korea. We broke up because I was moving to a different part of the city for college and he thought the distance would be "too much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 071

You deserved it 308

By Jfly25 - 23/01/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 071

You deserved it 322

By Late marriage - 24/08/2017 14:00 - Australia

Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception. Later, when I asked him why, he said, "I was playing Legend of Zelda and had to finish my quest." He thinks this is an eligible excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 070

You deserved it 997

Shitty Engagement

By poopplop - 03/12/2017 19:00 - Italy - Monza

Today, I dropped a ring in the toilet. The new engagement ring my fiancé gave me at dinner last night. The dinner that gave me diarrhea today. In which I dropped the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 070

You deserved it 493

By Anonymous - 11/12/2017 14:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, on our 5th anniversary, I asked my boyfriend what he loved most about me. He told me with brutal honesty that it's how I look like, act like, and have the same first name as his favourite character from Family Guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 069

You deserved it 534

By cereal mom - 07/07/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that my ex let my son eat nothing but cereal and milk for every single meal during his five-day visit. Now my son shrieks, cries, and has a meltdown if I try to make him eat real food. My ex merely replied, "Your problem now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 069

You deserved it 452

By MrT - 11/06/2018 15:00

Today, I phoned my bank. The person wouldn't speak to me about my account as I "sound female" despite being a year 30-old-male. They had to get a supervisor and listen to recordings of past calls to believe me. This isn't the first time I've been mistaken for a girl on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 067

You deserved it 305

The struggle

By lizi - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 066

You deserved it 846

Soft as snow

By Snow White - 22/05/2017 22:00

Today, I'm so pale that I managed to get a sunburn while sitting in a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 064

You deserved it 425

By Anonymous - 27/02/2018 09:00 - Spain

Today, my girlfriend went out on a date with someone else. We're in Spain on a trip together, but apparently we're all done and she's seeing this person for the time we are here. I still have 10 more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 064

You deserved it 273

By HYRTE - 06/09/2017 04:30

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 062

You deserved it 371

By Anonymous - 13/02/2017 23:48 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, my neighbours knocked to complain about the noise. I have been nursing a headache for the past several weeks while they have been slamming doors and arguing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 062

You deserved it 248

hellpop tells us more.

hellpop 22

Monday 13 February 2017 20:35

So... I'm pretty sure that this is my FML... however I have no idea why it's saying I'm male or from that part of the UK... However I did submit this some time ago so that's why I think it's me. Anyway! The explanation was that it turned out to be my loud, lousy ex friend they had an issue with who'd stay every Sunday night. And my headache, I have been to several doctors but it's due to another medical condition I have that I'm having an MRI for in the near future. Hope that explains some stuff!

Throw the bill at the kid. Do it.

By Deadmeat - 12/09/2017 04:29

Today, I was really excited that I'd made it the two weeks I'd borrowed my mother-in-law's new car without putting a scratch on it. I got off work to discover a customer's child throwing rocks in the parking lot. They cracked the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 062

You deserved it 274

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 061

You deserved it 609

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 061

You deserved it 1 006

By badhairday - 21/02/2018 01:30

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 060

You deserved it 384

By cat cat - 13/07/2018 01:30

Today, I wore my first thong, which I bought weeks ago but was only just now brave enough to wear. As I was leaving, my little brother decided I really needed a wedgie. The thong garrotted my bum hole and I now have toilet paper up there because it won't stop bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 059

You deserved it 522

By Single forever I guess - 30/09/2018 05:00

Today, after months of hurtful and derogatory remarks from matches, I had to add the line "Not trans, just ugly." to my Tinder bio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 059

You deserved it 357

Haters Gonna Hate

By apparentlyweird - 28/08/2018 22:00

Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 058

You deserved it 245

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Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down. I hate to be a cock-block, but she woke multiple people up, myself included. I live 4 doors down the hall from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 946

You deserved it 454

Today, I handed a middle-aged woman her change of $0.75 with three quarters. She looked at the change bewildered and threw the coins down, asking if she thought I could get away with only giving her thirty cents. I had to explain to her how much a quarter is worth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 280

You deserved it 751

Today, my pug farted so much that I thought there was an actual gas leak. I kept checking the oven and making sure our C02 detector had batteries before I heard a squeaky fart come from my dog. Don't get a pug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 341

Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 782

You deserved it 1 958

Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for four years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 179

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 093

You deserved it 21 540