Today, I was training a new volunteer at a clothing donation center. While explaining how to sort donations, I reached into a garbage bag full of clothes and something on my hand caught my eye. It was a bed bug. The bag was full of them and they sought refuge up my arm. FML
Today, on an 11-hour flight, I had to throw up. I managed to calmly walk to the bathroom and be violently sick in the toilet. After cleaning up, I was proud nobody had noticed and left the stall. A hot flight attendant was already waiting for me with a glass of water. FML
rubberduck_of_doom tells us more.
OP here! OMG I saw this FML and that it was from Austria and then I thought hey I'm from Austria too. Then I read the FML and thought HEY THAT'S MINE!! AND IT WAS =D.. I'M so happy =D... Just a couple of things to clarify (since 200 characters aren't nearly enough XD ): This actually happened a couple of month ago. I was on a flight home from Lima. There was this super hot flight attendant on the plane and I was ogling him everytime he passed. During the first 2 hours of the flight I felt perfectly fine and had no troubles. Then the food came and it was delicious but a couple of minutes after they cleaned up the trays I started feeling extremely nauseous. Now I travel a lot and have been on plenty of flights so far and this never happened to me before. Anyways, once I realized that I was not going to be able to hold it back I calmly got up and walked to the bathroom since I didn't want to make a fuss. Once I got there I was violently sick into the toilet. I had stomach cramps like you wouldn't believe. It hurt so much and I had no idea what was going on... After I was done I cleaned everything up as best I could and washed up as to not arouse any suspicion. I didn't look too bad (I thought) and left the bathroom, proud of myslef that nobody noticed. However as soon as I opened the door the hot flight attendant was standing there in front of the door and gave me a glass of water. Then he looked at me pityingly and asked me if I wanted some coke. I just nodded embarrased and he gave it to me. XD... I was sick like 6 more times on that flight and had cramps all the way to Paris (where I changed planes). To this day I do not know what happened to me on that flight and it hasn't happend since and I sincerely hope it doesn't happen again because this was a horrible experience. Sorry for the giant post but I always want to know the backstory behind FML's so I thought you might too ;) Thanks for all the encouraging words btw ;)
Today, I received a grade of 0 for a paper I worked really hard on. When I emailed my professor for feedback, she told me she gave me a 0 because I misspelled Colombia as "Columbia" and that she's not responsible for my low IQ. FML
Today, my husband ate several slices of pizza and one whole ghost pepper. He then threw up all over the living room, hallway, and pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom before going directly to bed. I had to clean it up. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, 30 seconds after waking up and shuffling into the bathroom, the mother of all spiders lost its fight with gravity and fell into my lap while I was peeing. I went from 0-100 wide awake and screaming at 6am. FML
Today, I was let go at work. About 2 years ago, we had hired an eager-to-learn "assistant" for me. When they canned me, they let me know that I should've trained him faster so I could've been fired sooner. FML
Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML
Today, I got fired because I abruptly hung up on my boss while being pulled over for talking in a hands free zone. I also got a $300 fine. FML
Today, my wife finally gave up on our autistic 11 year-old son and decided to have him taken into a care facility, because his autism is so bad, all he can do is sleep, stare vacantly, play on his iPad, or scream for hours. I’m kind of glad he’s leaving, but I can’t shake the dam guilt. FML
Today, our toilet overflowed during the night. Over 50 gallons worth leaked through the floor and the ceiling to the room below. I am now covered in poop water. What a way to start the day. FML
Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML
Today, I gave a sexual harassment seminar, explaining how important it is to not do anything that makes coworkers uncomfortable. Someone joked, "Like telling you your fly is open?" I tried to zip up, but it got caught on my underwear. There were 20 minutes left in the program. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me the only reason he has stayed with me for the last 6 months is because of the Netflix account. FML
Today, I was excited by the thought of the bathroom in my rental being replaced after the plumber advised that the leak can't be easily fixed. Instead, the owner has decided to fully renovate and is kicking me out. FML
Today, I knew I was a small guy and finally about to get laid for the first time in years. Everything was going great, until she got my pants off. She stared at it, stared at me, stared back at it and said, "Yeah, that’s not gonna happen." Got dressed and left. Sadly this has happened many times. FML
Today, my dad bought me my first car. On the way home, he crashed it. FML
Today, I walked into a sexual health clinic to get checked for STDs and they sent me to emerge instead. After 6 hours of tests, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer at the age of 27. I never thought I'd wish to have gonorrhea or chlamydia instead. FML
Today, I felt frisky and went down on my boyfriend, only to come face to face with a tick that had buried itself in his inner thigh. Killed the mood a bit. FML
Today, it's my 30th Birthday. The day started with me tripping in the shower and breaking my arm, continued with a car crashing into our car in the hospital parking, and ended with yet another car crash while finally driving home. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML
Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML
Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down. I hate to be a cock-block, but she woke multiple people up, myself included. I live 4 doors down the hall from her. FML
Today, 4 weeks after I told my housemate I was moving out, she told me she expects me to continue paying rent beyond when I leave, despite giving her plenty of notice. Now I'm dealing with lawyers and it's more drama than I can handle. FML
RAlyf tells us more.
RAlyf 18
OP here. I was on the lease. I was approved to go off the lease, as someone else was moving into the house. 3 bedroom house, 2 people on the lease, I move out, someone else moves in. The real estate agent changed his mind about me going off the lease because the new chick wasn’t going into my room - which he can’t actually do - and the lease doesn’t specify who is in which room. The real estate agent has been unprofessional towards me and never once helped me - but ex housemate is a narcissistic toxic liar, so who knows what lies she’s spread about me... Plot twist - the owner is moving back into the house, so my ex housemate and her new housemate now have to vacate and I’m footing half the cleaning bills etc because I’m sick of fighting and want to cut this chick out of my life!
Today, my neighbours had an extremely loud party, which began at midnight and didn't end until 6. I know this because I had a 15 minute sleep, seeing as I had to wake up at quarter past. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML
Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML
Today, a week after my son was born via C-section, I received 3 messages from 3 different women saying that they had recently slept with my fiancé. One of them said they tested positive for herpes. FML
Today, a customer filed a formal complaint with corporate about me, because I wouldn't help her find things she wanted while I was off the clock. We were in a completely different store than the one where I actually work. FML
Today, I got married and it was wonderful. I had a beautiful mermaid-style tight dress, had fun with my husband, and drunk like there was no tomorrow. Then my bridesmaid forcefully took me to the bathroom to show a big, red stain on my butt. My period came two weeks early. FML
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