Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception....

By Late marriage - 24/8/2017 14:00 - Australia

Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception. Later, when I asked him why, he said, "I was playing Legend of Zelda and had to finish my quest." He thinks this is an eligible excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3890

You deserved it

921

Favorite

Love

Understandable

Tidy your room

Higher standards

By Noname - 16/3/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21227

You deserved it

122721

Favorite

By Classicmen - 19/6/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36802

You deserved it

3581

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I wanted to buy a Philly cheesesteak from my campus grill, but I was running late so I ordered a grilled cheese as it would be simpler to prep. I then waited 20 minutes and watched as the cooks made 4 cheesesteaks for other orders before even starting my grilled cheese. I was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7154

You deserved it

1398

Favorite

By ICanExplain - 22/6/2015 20:46 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32916

You deserved it

1541

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 21:57 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19711

You deserved it

4593

Favorite

By Faker - 16/10/2012 21:44 - United States

Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37841

You deserved it

1651

Favorite

By NotSoAnon - 13/8/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35248

You deserved it

5032

Favorite

By anonymous - 8/6/2011 16:47 - United States

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20583

You deserved it

43359

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 02:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30926

You deserved it

2399

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/9/2013 14:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my grandfather that Canadians aren't evil by reminding him that he's Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41147

You deserved it

2789

Favorite

By dude - 20/1/2009 14:01 - France

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks

11467

You deserved it

28833

Favorite

By notlilien - 14/11/2018 15:30

Today, my boss created a WhatsApp group called "Forever Alone", added me and only me, and then left so that I could be the only person in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3103

You deserved it

258

Favorite

By ??? - 19/7/2020 05:01

Double crossed

Today, I found out the best man at my wedding was banging my wife after years of being married. My best man was my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2059

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By BoBandy - 15/8/2018 14:30

Today, I finally went to the hospital for a week-long migraine. A few Saturdays ago I went to the park to play frisbee with my friends and coworkers. While climbing a fence, I fell and hit my head twice. Turns out I have a severe concussion and a swollen brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2593

You deserved it

857

Favorite

By niceboss - 25/11/2010 02:32 - Singapore

Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28612

You deserved it

2701

Favorite

By nacho - 24/1/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34965

You deserved it

4313

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/7/2012 15:45 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24722

You deserved it

14211

Favorite

By screwed - 10/2/2013 10:41 - United States

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36422

You deserved it

4256

Favorite

By WTF Lady? - 8/4/2020 20:00

Rod Stewart was wrong

Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1740

You deserved it

103

Favorite

By sothishappened - 20/5/2014 09:54 - United States - Joliet

Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45598

You deserved it

8749

Favorite

By oncehipjr - 3/10/2014 19:04 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48222

You deserved it

4506

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/11/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18537

You deserved it

47210

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/6/2014 01:02 - United States - Imperial

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50736

You deserved it

10668

Favorite

By suckstobeme - 16/4/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks

67926

You deserved it

8766

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 02:00

Sex Ed has failed a lot of people

Today, a senior girl in my college-level biology course asked our professor what periods are like when you’re pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1468

You deserved it

152

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 23:38 - Bangladesh

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42215

You deserved it

21351

Favorite

By Felicityfrank - 1/5/2014 14:17 - Australia - Glen Iris

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53867

You deserved it

4874

Favorite

By pickit - 25/2/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26178

You deserved it

20742

Favorite

By lilithfaye - 2/11/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27507

You deserved it

6101

Favorite

By brokeasajoke - 1/11/2013 12:58 - United States - El Reno

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42664

You deserved it

10716

Favorite

By chacha_bby - 23/8/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded "Well the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7609

You deserved it

51534

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 14:58 - United States - Springfield

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11352

You deserved it

72072

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/3/2019 22:00

Today...I started my day with a head cold and sore throat. I am ending the day with my period and explosive diarrhea. Oh and to top it all off, I live in the midwest, where the wind chills are going to be -50 tomorrow...FML

I agree, your life sucks

1923

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By sarahrachel - 15/12/2015 03:30 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24916

You deserved it

5008

Favorite

By cheezmaster - 16/12/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46680

You deserved it

2551

Favorite

By katiekat - 5/1/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24876

You deserved it

12604

Favorite

By Cob - 3/2/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31114

You deserved it

2398

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/8/2019 00:01 - United States - New York

Today, I caught my half-sister stealing money from her mother's purse. Rather than risk getting in trouble, she told her uber-conservative mother that I've been seeing a girl. So now, I'm grounded for being gay, and she gets off the hook for stealing because she outed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2008

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 18:00

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1670

You deserved it

821

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/2/2018 15:00

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5290

You deserved it

445

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7533478 - Thursday 24 August 2017 20:20

Well, he certainly found the Triforce of Courage. The Triforce of Wisdom, on the other hand, not so much.

By marina1996 | 5

#7533476 - Thursday 24 August 2017 20:19

that was a cluster fuck of spelling errors good god.

COMMENTS

By dwight7476 | 11

#7533471 - Thursday 24 August 2017 20:10

Early signs of divorce in your future

By marina1996 | 5

#7533476 - Thursday 24 August 2017 20:19

that was a cluster fuck of spelling errors good god.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7533478 - Thursday 24 August 2017 20:20

Well, he certainly found the Triforce of Courage. The Triforce of Wisdom, on the other hand, not so much.

By Ghetis 396 | 11

#7533486 - Thursday 24 August 2017 20:27

That IS a valid excuse. no one gets between a man and his Zelda

Kirstie Bell | 8

#7533611 - Friday 25 August 2017 2:39

Agreed.

stridercab | 12

#7536604 - Saturday 2 September 2017 3:18

Seconded.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7533493 - Thursday 24 August 2017 20:35

Which one was he playing?

ImZakki | 15

#7533608 - Friday 25 August 2017 2:23

Probs breath of the wild

ImPrettyGoddamnDum | 2

#7533624 - Friday 25 August 2017 3:59

His wife

By sambmjmdjj | 9

#7533495 - Thursday 24 August 2017 20:39

Should have married a grown-up.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7533502 - Thursday 24 August 2017 21:01

Too late to back out now.

By jfsiv | 17

#7533518 - Thursday 24 August 2017 22:05

Either get out now, or accept that you will never be his first priority.

By Razell | 13

#7533519 - Thursday 24 August 2017 22:07

You could have told him that the moon has already fallen because he too k too long in the dungeon.

By aik | 14

#7533528 - Thursday 24 August 2017 22:20

I smell a divorce