And it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire. The ring of fire. All jokes aside what could you be doing to cause friction burns? I hate to ask, but an FML like this can only get funnier with an answer.

Gently apply Tabasco sauce to the affected area 3 times a day until the symptoms subside...

It could be worse. You could be writing an FML about how you contracted an STD. But friction burns down under definitely are a feeling best left unfelt.

Ouch, have fun with that. Guessing you had a little too much shower sex lately.

Honestly that is better than most things that could have been. This one is probably the most embarrassing one though

Foreplay, you need much more foreplay. Get well soon little buddy.

Invest in lotion and learn to use a looser grip!

Use some lotion for all that motion dude!

This is because you need lubrication when you self pleasure. I recommend a little jalapeño juice. Adds a little spice to your love life and the sensation is incredible.

At that rate you could solve the world's energy crisis all on your own.