Money and Geek: Today, I received my new laptop in the mail and put it on the...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 138

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 752

09/04/2018 01:30

Today, I received my new laptop in the mail and put it on the kitchen counter, where my family charges all our electronics. My mom then decided to make soup and spilt chicken broth all over my new laptop before I even got the chance to turn it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 995

You deserved it 1 013

Money Geek

You tried

Stop talking!

You tried

What should I do?

By Anonymous - 08/12/2019 20:00

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 115

You deserved it 543

Believe in the Q

By Q Hub - 14/10/2021 14:00

Today, I found out my 36 year-old wife has been cyberstalking an 18 year old-girl for a week. Why? Because the girl doesn’t believe in QAnon. I found out when my wife’s online business started getting backlash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 71

30/09/2015 17:16

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 392

You deserved it 2 141

15/06/2012 06:19

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 986

You deserved it 17 092

12/10/2011 07:17

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 838

You deserved it 28 134

12/03/2011 00:02

Today, I was prescribed medicine for anxiety. Without it, my stomach churns all day. With it, I shake uncontrollably and my eyes twitch. Now I have to choose between diarrhea and rude stares from people in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 849

You deserved it 2 988

10/08/2014 19:26

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 427

You deserved it 7 427

16/05/2009 21:06

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 626

You deserved it 8 705

12/10/2018 12:00

Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 537

You deserved it 902

05/03/2010 06:10

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 527

You deserved it 5 379

24/09/2009 04:52

Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 720

You deserved it 13 610

29/03/2018 19:00

Today, after a week on bed rest in a cast after ankle surgery, I got so bored and lonely I agreed to do an hour-long government phone survey just to have someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 728

You deserved it 372

06/11/2008 13:39

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 833

You deserved it 9 325

Common passion

By ShowerheadGirl - 09/11/2009 07:06

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 107

You deserved it 25 033

11/11/2010 05:30

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 454

You deserved it 5 185

A likely story...

By Anonymous - 15/07/2017 11:59

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years wanted to break up because I was "kissing" another guy. That guy was 73 years old and dying of a heart-attack. I work as an Ambulance Technician and was performing CPR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 966

You deserved it 509

18/06/2010 07:18

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 238

You deserved it 38 641

28/09/2012 02:41

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 422

You deserved it 30 889

Spoke too soon

By Lily Cakes - 19/10/2018 20:00

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said, "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 4 741

11/01/2018 09:00

Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He replied, totally honestly, that I was the easiest girl he'd ever managed to talk into a one night stand, only instead of doing the walk of shame the next morning, I stayed so long we ended up married with kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 577

You deserved it 1 237

04/09/2014 01:24

Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 241

You deserved it 3 212

16/09/2011 19:26

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 774

You deserved it 2 919

26/09/2015 01:10

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 433

You deserved it 2 224

09/09/2013 01:42

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 131

You deserved it 9 651

24/11/2012 23:11

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 862

You deserved it 2 694

08/03/2009 19:08

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 424

You deserved it 10 843

07/05/2009 19:47

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 030

You deserved it 7 735

25/07/2012 10:54

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 493

You deserved it 13 799

27/04/2014 17:25

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 552

You deserved it 6 720

08/04/2016 23:39

Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 478

You deserved it 1 650

04/12/2008 11:16

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 3 714

31/03/2011 01:10

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 791

You deserved it 6 007

11/03/2010 05:30

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 877

You deserved it 2 709

12/11/2015 04:11

Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 703

You deserved it 1 452

31/05/2014 07:24

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 642

You deserved it 4 041

09/01/2013 19:27

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 501

You deserved it 64 142

Pants on fire

By Bun - 11/10/2020 23:01

Today, I found out that while I was attending AA meetings to help understand how to help my boyfriend of 7 years when he got back from rehab, that he was not in rehab at all. He was on vacation. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 139

Beautiful

By Anonymous - 10/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 442

22/08/2012 04:19

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 140

You deserved it 9 951

05/02/2011 06:29

Today, and even at this very moment, my ex, who I'm still in love with, is having sex with her new boyfriend. He's my neighbor and she's making a lot more noise with him than she did with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 221

You deserved it 6 977

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Top comments

tonyfan00 38

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Monday 9 April 2018 1:55

To be fair, a kitchen is a horrible place to charge your electronics! Do what I do, and charge them next to your bathtub!

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 9 April 2018 1:43

At least your computer won’t have any viruses — chicken soup cures everything!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 9 April 2018 1:43

At least your computer won’t have any viruses — chicken soup cures everything!

tonyfan00 38

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Monday 9 April 2018 1:55

To be fair, a kitchen is a horrible place to charge your electronics! Do what I do, and charge them next to your bathtub!

Glowworm56 25

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Monday 9 April 2018 2:55

Chicken soup for the Computer Lover's Soul--online edition!

sumocj 14

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Monday 9 April 2018 3:13

How dare your mother cook in the charging area!

dexter420 21

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Monday 9 April 2018 3:34

You shouldn’t have left it open

julfunky 29

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Monday 9 April 2018 21:52

Where does it say it was open? You can spill all over a closed laptop too.

Lobby_Bee 17

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Monday 9 April 2018 4:02

Your mother should have cooked in the bedroom instead in of the charging area.

LAUGHINGKOMODO 25

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Monday 9 April 2018 5:28

Why tho

Sinshine 27

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Monday 9 April 2018 13:05

Why in the world do you charge electronics in an area where all the food is being handled? That's begging for ruined devices!

JudgeComrade 17

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Monday 9 April 2018 17:38

Ugh, moooooom!

John Monbeck 4

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Tuesday 10 April 2018 17:37

Lmao I don't know anyone who has a 'charging area' if there is a plug it's a charging area.🙄

Rabite 28

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Tuesday 10 April 2018 18:23

Do you move your charger every time you plug your device in? Do you have more than one device you have to charge?

MischievousRunt 6

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Wednesday 11 April 2018 10:42

I have a charger in almost every socket in my home. Lmfao didn’t know people had a select socket for it either.

Rabite 28

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Friday 13 April 2018 13:10

Having a charger in nearly every socket around the whole house/flat is wrong on so many levels.