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After years of being on FML, I finally get featured! It started about 2 weeks after we got here and I basically have hives, am very itchy, and have severe allergies. All this has made me very depressed for months I just stay at home with the windows closed and the air cleaner on because it gets worse whenever I go outside. So the Army is letting us apply for "compassionate reassignment" which lets us move to our next army base earlier than we are supposed to. Hopefully it gets approved!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2017 20:00

Today, after spending five months helping my husband lose a ton, he left me. Apparently, "fit people" should only have sex with "fit people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 144

You deserved it 534

Not helping.

By child abused - 19/10/2017 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my neighbor's pesky 7-year-old daughter, who is friends with the guy I really like, decided to help me with him. She used her phone to send him a picture of me. I was in the shower, completely naked and surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 142

You deserved it 783

By WaitWhat - 18/11/2017 08:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got into a minor car accident. No one got hurt, but the person that hit me was my father. Everyone thought he died 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 141

You deserved it 241

The geyser

By Anonymous - 15/05/2020 23:00

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 136

You deserved it 415

Surprised? No, really. We can't tell anymore.

By Stella5127 - 13/11/2017 23:54

Today, while getting my eyebrows waxed, the girl pulled off a strip and screamed, "Susan!" The owner came over and gave a look of pure disgust before saying, "Oh honey, you need to focus. Just give her 5% off." My whole eyebrow was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 136

You deserved it 414

Stella5127 tells us more.

Stella5127 12

Sunday 12 November 2017 8:41

They gave me a baggy of this eyebrow pomade stuff....it was black, I have blonde hair. ??

By Anon - 20/01/2017 22:00

Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 136

You deserved it 1 737

By no spare - 19/12/2016 19:22 - United States - Marquette

Today, I woke up to find out that the two front tires on our van were flat. Now we won't have a vehicle all week since the tire shop is booked solid. We just went through this with the rear tires two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 136

You deserved it 751

By inappropes - 03/01/2017 23:40 - United States

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 136

You deserved it 1 599

inappropes tells us more.

inappropes 31

Thursday 5 January 2017 4:50

Haha this got published. So I turn around and the 8 people I work with started to clap. They said I have a good voice as well. I think they were most interested because I am usually pretty reserved and quiet. They invited me out to karaoke this weekend lol! And I was singing Johnny Cash songs btw. My voice is fairly deep so I think I can do his amazing songs justice.

By Simon - 30/12/2008 11:14 - France

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 134

You deserved it 53 551