Transportation: Today, I got into a minor car accident. No one got hurt, but... - FML

By WaitWhat - 18/11/2017 08:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got into a minor car accident. No one got hurt, but the person that hit me was my father. Everyone thought he died 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 096

You deserved it 232

Late term

Stop talking!

Management

By left out wet - 22/06/2019 22:08

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 207

By Anonymous - 15/11/2017 15:00

Today, the two government buildings on either side of my apartment both started renovations. It will be about two months of constant banging as they cut and put up the steel on both sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 444

You deserved it 240

By princessbbee - 18/08/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 715

You deserved it 7 117

By Anonymous - 23/09/2009 10:23 - Singapore

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 382

You deserved it 38 045

By anonymous - 27/01/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 877

You deserved it 8 263

By MyPoorEyes - 19/03/2015 13:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 737

You deserved it 3 746

By Sexless from Texas - 24/04/2015 11:38 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 957

You deserved it 13 729

By unlolable4321 - 28/04/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 280

You deserved it 5 640

Who's Afraid of Red, Yellow and Blue

By Anonymous - 28/09/2020 08:08

Today, I spent almost two hours drawing a scenery. I was tired halfway in and took a break. Came back to my room to see it getting scribbled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 101

By itsjustwill - 17/01/2013 00:35 - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 040

You deserved it 2 142

By desigirl - 10/11/2015 01:03 - United States - Johnson City

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 135

You deserved it 3 407

By fmylyfe - 09/11/2013 14:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 844

You deserved it 3 951

By Anonymous - 23/10/2014 01:33 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 913

You deserved it 4 116

By sadpoorlady - 22/06/2013 09:22 - United Kingdom - Appley Bridge

Today, my boyfriend used the "this isn't working, we need to talk" line on me. How nice of him to wait this long to do so, just days after we returned from the expensive Caribbean holiday that I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 782

You deserved it 4 987

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 17:52 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 204

You deserved it 3 301

By ohshat - 22/12/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I was on Facebook chat with my boss, talking about holiday hours. I had to go to my doctor's appointment, so I said, "G2G, love you" accidentally. Not only did he say it back, but he also requested a relationship with me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 923

You deserved it 12 963

By Anonymous - 26/08/2015 11:28 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 391

You deserved it 10 057

By cwhitney7 - 22/12/2014 15:04 - United States - Waltham

Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 701

You deserved it 13 299

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 01:58

Today, my husband has been isolating for 6 days in our bedroom, with me sleeping in the spare room, since his positive COVID test. I found instructions for how to fake the positive result on our shared iPad. He lied to get out of work, my birthday, and my parents' anniversary party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 181

By woodless - 09/12/2012 15:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 962

You deserved it 1 946

By Darkandcold - 09/01/2013 19:23 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 510

You deserved it 2 718

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 563

You deserved it 5 962

By KtSue - 12/11/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 353

You deserved it 1 877

By Golden~ - 01/06/2011 09:20 - Canada

Today, I found out that the school principal takes all the money from the school fund raisers to buy herself donuts. I'd donated over $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 245

You deserved it 5 376

Sex workers unite!

By not a fan - 07/04/2021 08:00 - United States

Spicy

Today I’ve been called a prude, a misogynist, a controlling bastard and worse all because I have a problem with my girlfriend masturbating for strangers online. She has an OnlyFans and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 346

By pictureperfect678 - 19/01/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I was in one of two hot tubs with my dad at a vacation resort, when 3 good looking guys walked into the pool area. My dad moved to the other hot tub so the guys could hang out in the one I was in. They came outside, passed my hot tub, and went into the one my dad just moved into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 039

You deserved it 4 662

By Not a programmer yet - 01/09/2015 15:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss told me that the company will be hiring a programmer for our department. I had the idea for the position when we went over my 3-year career path last month, but it wasn't approved. I now get to look over résumés from other people applying for my dream job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 660

You deserved it 1 601

By Anonymous - 23/01/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 337

You deserved it 3 243

By Anonymous - 02/08/2010 01:59 - United States

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 184

You deserved it 38 932

By Leanna - 10/04/2017 12:00

Today, I cleaned my entire house. Ready for a fresh finishing touch in the bedroom, I grabbed the Febreze and lightly sprayed over my clean bedding, carpeting, and clothing. Then a pungent odor hit me. It seems someone forgot to label the bottle when they filled it with vinegar instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 074

You deserved it 666

By j - 18/04/2016 22:24 - United States

Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 499

You deserved it 4 563

By Khrixas_069 - 18/06/2011 07:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 688

You deserved it 58 464

By Tingly - 16/08/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I realized that that tingly feeling on my face when I put a new combination of acne wash, acne medication, and my usual moisturizer on was not, in fact, "it working." It was slowly peeling away the top layer of skin. I look and feel sunburned. I also still have acne and oily skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 380

You deserved it 6 246

By ooblie - 08/12/2010 08:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 827

You deserved it 3 984

By JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 889

You deserved it 4 710

By hoser - 21/02/2010 10:01 - Canada

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 693

You deserved it 37 059

After sleepover

By carriageway - 31/01/2020 01:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 185

Overreaction much?

By brokenglass - 24/03/2021 21:30

Today, while bringing my grandmother some water, I tripped, dropping and shattering the glass. Infuriated, she explained to me that the glass was worth more than I am and ordered me out of her house for good. I live there. I was also with her when she bought the glass. $10 for a set of 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 52

By toonice - 17/07/2014 20:48 - United States - Eugene

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too nice. Apparently, me being nice to him makes him feel guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 661

You deserved it 4 718

By Wenny - 18/01/2009 12:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 305

You deserved it 2 960

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 November 2017 18:36

... I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS.

Send a private message

Monday 13 November 2017 21:52

'Awkward' isn't a strong enough word.

Comments

Send a private message

Monday 13 November 2017 21:52

'Awkward' isn't a strong enough word.

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 November 2017 18:36

... I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS.

exileonmainst 16

Send a private message

Saturday 18 November 2017 10:47

So far, you have yet to ask one.

Send a private message

Friday 17 November 2017 20:34

The car that can resurrect people on impact. Incredible.

Send a private message

Friday 17 November 2017 20:48

This smells like something out of a soap opera.

Send a private message

Friday 17 November 2017 21:36

Talk about ghosting!! He mastered it

BaDumTsss_fml 23

Send a private message

Friday 17 November 2017 22:26

Well, this is certainly going to be a fun reunion

exileonmainst 16

Send a private message

Friday 17 November 2017 22:38

”Mom, I’ve met this guy and he’s coming over for dinner, I just can’t wait for him to meet the family. I just think we’ve got this connection, you know?”

Muhammad Umer Asif 6

Send a private message

Saturday 18 November 2017 8:17

This might be a Fake post!

exileonmainst 16

Send a private message

Saturday 18 November 2017 16:56

Shit. No one has ever questioned the existence of my posts. I mean, I can see the post and so can you. But what if we’re both imaginary, then our posts would also be figments of imaginations. Can imaginations have imaginations? If we question our reality, does that make us real? Shit, this is too much to contemplate..

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 17 November 2017 22:46

Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!!! ... and your insurance agent.

Send a private message

Friday 17 November 2017 23:30

I ain't scared of no ghost--but I am scared of the damage he did to my car.

Send a private message

Friday 17 November 2017 23:43

Zombies can drive?

DanielleinDC 32

Send a private message

Saturday 18 November 2017 18:21

No, but vampires can.

Send a private message

Saturday 18 November 2017 0:48

Op: "My fathered died years ago!" Op's dad: *breathing in mask* "No, I am your father." *more breathing in mask*

Send a private message

Saturday 18 November 2017 18:25

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 1 966

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 190