Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML
Today, I learned that my boyfriend is a better pole dancer than I am, despite daily practice. This was his first time trying it. FML
Today, we got the results of our family's ancestry DNA tests. My father isn't related to me, but my grandfather is still my grandfather. Apparently grandma cheated on grandpa to get 'dad', and my mother cheated on 'dad' with my 'uncle' to get me. FML
Today, I was heading out for lunch, and a co-worker asked me if I would pick up their pizza. I said yes, because, why not? Just as I arrived, they texted to inform me that the pizza was under the name "Anita Luong Duong". FML
Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2 space and it was going well. We laughed, joked, and seemed to get along and want the same things. At the end of the conversation, however, he said he needed to "pray" about his decision to room with an atheist. This probably won't work out. FML
Today, after a string of crappy employees had come and gone over the month, I was joking to my manager that maybe we should move the "Now Hiring" sign further away from the trash can so we'd stop getting garbage hires. The new girl was right behind me. I'll be her trainer all week. FML
Today, I received multiple phone calls asking how much my Siamese cat cost. Too bad I never had a Siamese cat - let alone a Siamese cat up for sale. It turns out the guy I prank phone called the other day didn't appreciate it and put my number on Craigslist with an ad for a Siamese cat. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years went on a 2-week trip to Italy to spend time with his family. Thinking nothing of it, I decided to go to a Comic Con alone. I saw him there with another girl. FML
Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I loved him, he revealed that he cheated on me, that his side chick is pregnant, and that he has the clap. FML
Today, a woman messaged me on a dating app to tell me that I was ugly, and that I shouldn't be allowed on the site. FML
Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML
Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife's period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 5 years sat me down and told me how much I meant to him. He then told me that he's gay and in love with my best friend Miles, who he's been secretly seeing behind my back for over 2 years. I thought he was going to propose. FML
Today, whilst working my waitressing job, I had a patron lose his rag at me because there was too much "green stuff" in his salad. What did he expect? Chicken? FML
Today, whilst working at the supermarket, a man came through my checkout who couldn't open the plastic bags. I thought it would be a laugh to make fun of him because of it, saying "Come on! What's wrong with you?". Turns out he has arthritis. And Parkinson's Disease. He left, more than angry. FML
bdk_2020 tells us more.
bdk_2020 0
Ok. I've tried explaining why I did what I did, but I'm still getting the death threats and a lot of the word '****' being used to show your disdain. I would like to tell you what really happened, not because I want you on my side or I'm trying to defend what I did. I just want you to see that what happened was based on simple stupidity and not because I'm the spawn of satan. So here's you some of the stuff you've all assumed that I would like to put right: - 1. This man was not at all elderly. He must have been 45-50 years old. You don't have to be elderly to have Parkinson's Disease. See Michael J. Fox for proof of that. 2. I offered to pack for him before he started struggling himself. He was alone, so I felt I should help him. He declined. That's why I thought he could do it himself. 3. I had no idea he was suffering from arthritis or Parkinson's Disease. I'd never met him before. He was struggling to open the bags, like myself and most people do, and so I made the very stupid comment based on that. 4. No, I didn't notice the shaking associated with Parkinson's Disease. I know that people think Cashier's are all idiots, wasters and the job is really easy, but you do have to focus on the screen in front of you to check the identity and the price of the item is correct. Therefore, I was barely focusing on his movements or his mannerisms. I was just doing what I'm paid to do. 5. As soon as he told me what was wrong, and I then focused on him properly, I then noticed he had a mild tremor in his hands. 6. I immediately apologised for what I said, feeling terrible. I then opened all the bags for him and offered to pack. He declined because, like you, he thought I had made fun of him because of his disability. I tried to explain, but he didn't want to hear. 7. If I knew he was struggling because he had a medical reason for not being able to open the bags, I would never had said it and would have made him let me pack. I would hate it if I saw someone who clearly had a disability not being able to do something and I'm just standing there ignoring it - That IS evil. 8. He left angry and hurt. I was left feeling horrible and guilty for being so stupid. 9. I wanted to post the FML not to get sympathy. As I said, I felt terrbile for upsetting him, and I just wanted to get it off my chest. I wanted to show people how much of an ass I'd been that day. 10. FML is all about bad things that have happened to you or that you have done. I felt that my stupidity for saying that to a man I didn't know was an FML moment. In retrospect, I realise that the way I worded the FML sounds like I was being cruel. I can understand why you are all upset. But to say I deserve to die or have all this offensive language thrown in my direction was ok? You know nothing about me. To assume that I always behave like this, that I'm this evil, vindictive bastard, based on one stupid comment... Well, I really don't know. Furthermore, why would I post this as an FML moment if I enjoy being horrible to people? It's because I hate myself for being so stupid that I posted this. Again, I really am sorry if I offended anyone. The last thing I wanted was all of this, so I just hope this post will clears it all up.
Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML
Today, after scrubbing every surface twice a week for a month, I finally found the source of the pee smell in my bathroom. Under the toilet. The people who built our house didn't think it was necessary to seal around the toilet. There was two years of pee under there. FML
Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML
Today, I decided to not hang in the library after school like I usually do. When I got home, I found my father cheating on my mother with my girlfriend, who said she was gay. FML
Today, after installing a clapper in our bedroom, my wife and I had some rough sex and the lights went on and off. That's how we found out about her seizures. FML
Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML
Today, it's my wedding anniversary. I decided to come home early to surprise my husband, but I was the one left surprised. I walked in on him in bed with a teenager. I'm six months pregnant with our second child. FML
Today, I'm in such pain due to my period cramps that I haven't been able to eat anything. My religious mother refuses to allow me to take birth control to help regulate the pain as it would "tempt" me to "become sexually active". FML
Caitlin Mcloughlin tells us more.
Hey guys, OP here! I have no idea how this login system works so I think I ended up creating a new profile. Anyway, for now I'm better, thank you so much for your support! As for a more permanent solution, fortunately I'm moving out next year to go to college, and so I'll be able to sort myself out with medication then. I'm honestly super surprised that my FML ended up published - thanks again for your sympathies!
Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I started our diet. After a long day of being held accountable for every calorie I ate, I went home to sneak a snack. My boyfriend came over to surprise me, and found me on the couch shoveling left-over Indian food into my mouth. FML
Today, I almost got upgraded to business class because the gentleman at the check-in was so mortified at having called me "sir" instead of "mam." However, before it could go through, his colleague stopped him, telling me that it was "an easy mistake to make." FML
Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML
Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML
Today, I was having a chat with a fellow veteran I bumped into at a car show. He ended the conversation by turning to my dad and saying, "you're lucky to catch a young honey like this." Then went on to ask if we'd tried anal yet. FML
C8H18 tells us more.
C8H18 33
OP here. My dad walked off acting like he hadn't heard anything as I yelled, "That's my FATHER!"
Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML
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