Health: Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked...

By Anonymous - 20/07/2017 23:00 - United States - Dover

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 048

You deserved it 509

Health

The smell detective is on the case

Triage

Stuck with you

By creeper-status - 05/05/2016 17:37 - United States - Irvine

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 082

You deserved it 957

Puppy love

By Lovesick - 30/01/2021 01:58 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband is furious because I accused him of being in love with my best friend. He talks about her constantly, perks up like a puppy when she comes over, and occasionally only gets erections if I talk about her. Even the kids have noticed how moonstruck he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 114

By livgasms - 18/08/2011 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 722

You deserved it 5 090

By beekie9 - 14/01/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 195

You deserved it 2 215

By kel - 08/11/2013 23:50 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 896

You deserved it 7 453

By homeless - 14/12/2010 18:41 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 8 843

By Ricky - 16/05/2009 21:19 - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 283

You deserved it 47 734

Burning down the house

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 18:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I got some ingredients ready for a stew in the slow cooker, planning to turn it on when I left for work. Well, my dumb, un-caffeinated ass turned it on, but put it on high instead of low. For 13 hours. It was completely charcoal by the time I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 277

By Anonymous - 01/12/2011 03:11 - United States

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 241

You deserved it 4 375

By Jess - 20/12/2013 08:02 - United States - Modesto

Today, in a desperate attempt to add some variety to my life, I resorted to closing my eyes and picking a random font for my essay paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 712

You deserved it 7 771

By CassieMarieee - 10/12/2011 06:28 - United States

Today, I had to jump into my car while it was still moving. Apparently, just because you put it in park and turn it off, doesn't mean it won't take off towards a ditch without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 971

You deserved it 8 797

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 077

You deserved it 9 712

By rob - 23/11/2008 10:59 - France

Today, my mum prepared my bag for football practice. In the changing room I found one of her thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 269

You deserved it 4 473

The student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 17:00

Today, I threatened my kids I’d turn off their WiFi unless they did their chores, so my eldest chimed in, "Please, we changed the WiFi password months ago in case you tried to threaten us like this," then turned off my WiFi, which I need to work from home. I had to beg a 12-year-old to let me work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 2 220

By wowza - 31/01/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 420

You deserved it 2 458

By theish - 04/02/2011 14:08

Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 889

You deserved it 6 991

How not to raise 'em right

By cammy - 08/05/2021 05:59

Today, I learned that my 13 year-old daughter has been wearing the same pad for a week “because there’s no blood on it.” When I told her that it's still disgusting, she tried to defend herself be saying that, "no one ever told her how long she could wear it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 2 671

By Gumfanatic302 - 07/05/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 051

You deserved it 3 172

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 633

You deserved it 3 031

Tiler, the creator

By musicalxtheories - 09/05/2020 08:00

Today, my cat pooped in the shower. How did I find out? I didn't see the poop when I got in. I slipped in it, and smacked my head on the tile wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 256

By Ditzyfitzy - 09/01/2019 14:00

Today, after spending 2 years saving for my flights, I was denied boarding due to issues with my passport. I heading straight to the embassy only to be told a replacement will take 8 days. The airline will only hold my place for 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 577

You deserved it 360

Trapped

By obeezy - 30/04/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me "Tampon Girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 667

You deserved it 69 591

What happens in the woods stays in the woods

By sulfuric_acid - 10/08/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, on Facebook, I noticed my friend had posted a picture entitled, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Curious, I checked it out and discovered that while on our hunting trip, my friends took a picture of me, pants around my ankles, leaned up against a tree taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 149

Boozed up

By speechless - 13/07/2013 14:32 - United States - Mitchell

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 055

You deserved it 4 599

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 937

You deserved it 12 089

By notsoonenufdeparted - 02/10/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 202

You deserved it 4 789

By TheAngryBird - 28/06/2012 04:51 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 335

You deserved it 2 698

By The_HML - 24/03/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 903

You deserved it 11 121

By number2 - 14/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 966

You deserved it 4 485

By romantic84 - 31/05/2011 04:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 661

You deserved it 38 842

By sandwichmaker - 17/07/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 649

You deserved it 3 417

Love bites

By LoveLifeFail - 11/04/2021 14:01 - Canada

Today, the man I love showed me the ring he's going to give to the woman that he loves. Who is someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 07/12/2014 04:48 - United States - Watertown

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 068

You deserved it 8 202

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 16:35 - United States - Overland Park

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 682

You deserved it 3 309

By TRalalla - 07/08/2010 17:10 - Canada

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 955

You deserved it 5 688

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 175

By Ugh - 13/12/2016 14:39

Today, at my work in a self-service chinese restaurant, a lady came up to me, pointed to the plate she loaded with honey king prawns, and yelled at me because she was allergic to seafood. She demanded a refund and another plate. Everything is clearly labeled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 116

You deserved it 517

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 00:22

Today, a coworker told me I was "fat shaming" them by discussing weight loss with other coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 506

You deserved it 716

By SleepIsForTheWeak - 19/03/2015 16:41 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I had to work a double shift after my relief called in "sick" just so he could go to a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 828

You deserved it 2 549

By TeamVomit - 27/08/2017 23:15

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to surprise him and caught him with another girl. As my boyfriend got up to explain himself, I, in a state of shock, violently threw up on him (and partially her). His mum had let me in the house. At least I know whose side she's on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 764

You deserved it 298

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Top comments

nanxi 30

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Friday 21 July 2017 6:58

I'm sorry that happened to you ): My family is Chinese, and even they would tell this guy to chill the fuck out.

MidnaLink 33

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Friday 21 July 2017 5:45

That's aassault and you can press charges for that sort of thing. "Traitor to the motherland", my ass.

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 21 July 2017 5:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Little Richard 11

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Friday 21 July 2017 9:52

Or, you may be a dumb ass.

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 21 July 2017 9:57

Or you can make your own profile pic instead of stealing mine?

acmariner99 25

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Friday 21 July 2017 5:26

Someone is a bit bitter

Preethik 17

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Tuesday 25 July 2017 4:10

?? no shit Sherlock

MidnaLink 33

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Friday 21 July 2017 5:45

That's aassault and you can press charges for that sort of thing. "Traitor to the motherland", my ass.

MissMayLaw001 21

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Sunday 23 July 2017 17:17

She is a traitor to the motherland.

Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20

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Friday 21 July 2017 6:31

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Vermillion_fml 6

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Friday 21 July 2017 7:18

Most Taiwanese people have ancestors that immigrated from China so if they were conversing in English it's unlikely they could tell the difference just from the looks...

skippydoda 32

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Friday 21 July 2017 11:24

Some people don't know what a joke is.

inappropes 31

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Saturday 22 July 2017 7:43

The joke went right over your head didn't it. along with all the people who downvoted him.

nanxi 30

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Friday 21 July 2017 6:58

I'm sorry that happened to you ): My family is Chinese, and even they would tell this guy to chill the fuck out.

Kevin Kent 1

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Friday 21 July 2017 7:03

Yeah, well he's a f*cking communist.

vshah 13

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Friday 21 July 2017 15:42

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BrazilianNotGayBlueHaired 6

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Friday 21 July 2017 20:16

yes, china is comunist, but they let capitalist industries and fast foods inside their space doesn't make any sense, but china is china so... yeah

I'madumbass 19

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Saturday 22 July 2017 15:47

Actually, it is. A Chinese friend of mine makes jokes about China being Communist all the time.

TheDiceMan69 3

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Friday 21 July 2017 7:12

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Aricycla 6

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Monday 24 July 2017 3:24

That's very offensive....

olga_crvjl 19

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Friday 21 July 2017 8:54

Omg how rude!!!

Lobby_Bee 17

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Friday 21 July 2017 9:30

I have been to both places and I found Taiwan to be a much more pleasant country. Give your ancestors a pat on the back, they did the right thing by leaving.

PaulieXP 16

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Friday 21 July 2017 10:31

It's funny how quickly people can turn from sympathetic to assholes. In WW2 the japanese invaded china and treated them like shit, made fun of them, called them sick man of asia(bruce lee film remember?). They were the victims and you cheered for them when Japan was defeated. Then they go and do the same thing to Tibet. Now they're the bad guys. And this taiwanesse nonsense. I can't remeber the last time a brit called an american a traitor