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The all-time greatest FMLs

Pick on someone your own size

By FluffythePink - 07/10/2023 12:30

Today, I was fighting to change a toilet seat when it suddenly came free and, thanks to physics, I promptly smashed myself across the bridge of my nose with the edge of it. I now have a purple nose and it's starting to spread to my eyes. I now have to explain to people over the next week or so how it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 168

Bummer indeed

By Keerah - 18/05/2025 01:00 - Russia - Kolomna

Today, after being an "expert" in autism for over 40 years (yeah, I'm not a doctor, just autistic) I thought I'd seen it all. Bad relations, failed friendships and job interviews, etc. Now I find out there's such thing as a regress and I might completely lose the ability to talk. On top of that I'm losing my eyesight. Bummer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 115

New pariah just dropped

By Anonymous - 09/01/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had such an intense stomach ache I couldn’t even stand up. I ended up shitting my pants. I’m 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 141

Wrecked

By Anonymous - 13/04/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my dad is mad at me because I refused to buy a truck. An ugly old Isuzu with two flat tires and a missing headlight, and the owner said it needed a new transmission & brakes, but still wanted $8000. Apparently, without consulting me, Dad promised him I'd buy it as payment for guns he bought. Now he's in debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 82

Don't go

By Kyle - 18/01/2024 13:00 - United States - Universal City

Today, my parents finally decided to get a divorce. The catch? I'm on my step-dad's insurance and without it, I will no longer be able to receive my absolutely crucial mental health medication, on which, no exaggeration, my life depends upon. I'm cooked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 117

Old fashioned

By Anonymous - 02/02/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my mom my boyfriend started an argument because I’ve not been feeling well, so I haven’t cooked or wanted sex for a week or so. My dad piped up that if mom used such a lame excuse to avoid blowjobs and cooking, he’d damn we’ll start an argument too. Mom agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 362

Dick inspector

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm a significant grower not a shower, so when not erect to 7 inches my penis really does resemble a cocktail sausage. So far my girlfriend hadn’t seen it soft but today she whipped my boxers down while I was asleep. The phrase, "Oh my god! What happened to it?" is now forever etched in my brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 144

Shoulda, woulda, coulda

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 02:02 - United States

Today, I found out about bitcoin around 2012 when it cost $20. I had about $40k of money to invest at the time. That would be about 2,000 BTC. If I'd just bought and held onto it until now, it would be worth $60,000,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 815

Justifiable anger

By Well shit - 27/12/2023 02:00 - United States

Today, I completed a jigsaw puzzle. Almost. You see, there's a problem: One of the pieces is an exact duplicate of another, and the actual missing piece is… gone. So there's one empty space and one piece that doesn't fit. Words cannot describe how irrationally angry this makes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 147

By sickkid - 23/11/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 69

Out of the blue

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 06:00 - United States - Oxford

Today, on my last day of vacation with my family, and after moving my kid back home after their college graduation, I received a text message from my supervisor that said, “Hello, your services are no longer needed" and that they would pack up my desk and mail it to me. I can’t get anyone to explain why or even answer me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 97

Bad date

By GothicGhosty - 12/06/2023 00:02

Today I got stuck in a restaurant booth and needed my date to help pull me out. I'm only 23. Safe to say he won't be calling me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 407

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 22/07/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 107

By brunhilde - 16/09/2012 10:14 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, it’s been two weeks since I’ve been in Hungary. I make the most of being away from home by dieting, eating for lunch every day a pot of really nice yoghurt with fresh fruit. I learned this morning that “Tejfol” doesn’t mean “yoghurt”, but “cream”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 159

Naughty boy

By Bad boy - 21/09/2023 06:00

Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 228

J'accuse!

By Anonymous - 19/04/2024 07:00 - United States - Humboldt

Today, I got terminated from my job due to two coworkers accusing me of saying racial slurs four months ago. Four months ago I refused to support the same coworkers in trying to terminate another coworker on false allegations. I’m the least racist person you could ever met. I’m also 5 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 112

Idiots

By Anonymous - 19/07/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband took our son into the woods with a big stick and two tennis rackets because they'd found a hornets nest. Yes, they used the stick to poke the nest and the tennis rackets to whack the hornets, like they thought it was a game. They got swarmed and are now in hospital. Idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 112

By gentileman - 16/03/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 93

Accounting

By SOME QUESTIONS DON'T NEED ANSWERS - 29/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I came home to my boyfriend weighing a cup of shit on the kitchen scale. After I finished screaming in horror, he said he wanted to know how much his average dump weighed, so he could calculate how many pounds of shit he'd made in his adult life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 128

Hyper self-awareness

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 23:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on a first date and everything was going great, until I realized I had garlic breath from the garlic bread I ate earlier. I tried covering it with a mouthful of wine, but it just made it worse. I ended up trying to avoid any closeness, and now I guess I'll just die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 485

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous_229 - 20/02/2022 08:01 - Australia - Preston

Today, I have to make a hard decision on whether I should move on and free my boyfriend from me and let him do his own thing while I do my own, or resolve our differences. Advice needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 362

Small world

By Anonymous - 03/11/2023 12:00

Today, I learned that my current boss took my fiancé's virginity back in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 104

Trashy

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after my dad insisted that the trash go out last night, even though I always take it out in the morning because of the stray dog problem in our neighborhood, I took it anyway to appease him. He woke me up banging on my door and screaming because the strays had thrown the trash all over the road in the night, and he blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 83

Goodbye horses

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband announced he bought a horse for our daughter. A freaking horse. Does he not realise how expensive it is to keep a horse? Stable fees alone are almost £700 monthly, then there’s vet bills, equipment, it’s endless. We are not wealthy, this will ruin us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 86

Single and ready to Pringle

By Anonymous - 01/09/2023 00:02

Today, I went to a family gathering and was asked by multiple relatives why I was still single. Trying to lighten the mood, I joked that in fact I do have a secret admirer. My little cousin yelled out, "Is it your cat?" He was right, even though, come to think about it, I'm not sure my cat even likes me all that much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 169

By neige - 24/02/2009 00:29 - Sweden

Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only happen in the movies: if you slam the door, all the snow of the roof will fall on your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 114

Cost effective

By Anonymous - 25/11/2023 00:00

Today, I am now sans job due to burnout. My supervisors recognized I was overworked, and I'd told them I was not able to keep up with all the roles loaded on. I guess firing me was the best business solution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 145

By FAIL - 08/09/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 83

Wonky logic

By Anonymous - 25/10/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I got my ass beat by some kid in my grade. The reason I was targeted? The superintendent, aka my idiot father, suspended him for defending himself in another fight. The kid told me it's not personal, he needed to prove a point that our school doesn't do shit about bullying, As much as I agree with him… FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 90

Nosy nitwit

By Paladin Rayjack - 17/10/2024 02:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, at the mall, I ran into a lost, crying little girl. It was my best friend's daughter. She recognized and clung on to me. As I called her dad, some nosy lady snatched her from me and caused a scene, screaming, "KIDNAPPER!" As I got apprehended, her claim was she heard me say, "If you still want to see her…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 84

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 147

Today, I found out why my boyfriend won't come over anymore. He and my brother apparently had a "thing" before we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 139

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 136

You deserved it 2 331

Today, I've been sick for five days and I have two college essays and a exam coming up, along with a few other assignments. I've been working non-stop for five days with less than six hours of sleep per day, and more assignments are flowing in as I am working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 144

Today I was very excited to go to the post office to claim a parcel. I didn't know what it could be, so I assumed it was a gift. It turned out to be a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 142

You deserved it 2 603

Today, my 2 year relationship ended when my boyfriend accused me of stealing his beanie hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 454

You deserved it 2 258