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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, I was helping my dad move into his new house. It's a 4-bedroom house and he has three kids so it's perfect. I was wandering around and noticed that the first bedroom is his, the second is my older brother's, the third is my younger sister's, and the fourth is an office. I have no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 43

Fore!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2023 12:00 - United States - Cary

Today, while playing golf on a local course, my idiot of a friend decided to push his pushcart down a massive hill towards me. When he realized that I was going to be hit, he screamed for me to move, but it was too late. I collapsed to the ground in pain, all while he chuckled about the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 123

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 29/04/2024 05:00

Today, I’m coming to accept that my wife’s relationship with her phone and her social media is deeper and more intimate than it will ever be with me. I can’t afford to leave her, her sister's a lawyer, she’ll take everything I still love in the divorce. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 147

The ultimate betrayal

By nick - 23/08/2024 11:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I learned of my girlfriend’s affair with her coworker. And by coworker, I mean my long-time friend, who we helped get a job at her work in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 60

The betrayal

By jojolovesyou134 - 16/08/2023 18:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my best friend of 18 years decided to end our friendship in order to continue sleeping with her brother-in-law, who is also my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 115

By soso96 - 09/08/2013 08:09 - Algeria - Ouargla

Today, due to a spate of burglaries, I updated the security on my house. Latches, locks, gates, I was very proud of my work, because it’s impossible to get in! Then, the front door slammed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 125

Knowledge is power

By asuramaru - 24/10/2019 16:00

Today, at 19 years-old, I found out that kiwi birds aren’t actually extinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 1 295

Road movie

By Anonymous - 17/10/2022 12:00

Today, I threw up while on a road trip. My boyfriend asked what made me sick, but I didn't want to tell him that his belching the entire time smelled so goddamn bad it made me physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 771

By Maxime - 28/02/2014 00:32 - France - Paris

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 40

Horn section

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 21:30

Today, I matched with someone on a dating app. The first thing they said to me was, "What is the chance that you are the trombone player living below me and would you please stop playing after 9 p.m.?" I am that trombone player and due to Covid I have to practice a lot in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 1 843

Domestic Dispute on the Road

By FML Approved - 11/09/2017 03:30

Hang in there, buddy!

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 136

By jilted - 21/03/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 45

Chill out, Mom

By Anonymous - 16/03/2024 03:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, my mom is in hysterics, all because I told her I don't want to get married or have kids, and I'm not interested in dating anyone. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 111

By bittersweet - 08/02/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 45

Know this of me…

By thefmlman2011 - 02/09/2023 08:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was going to ask out a girl I work with, only to find out that not only is she in a relationship, she’s also a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 250

Some friend you are

By Used - 02/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I had to give back the Christmas present to who I thought was my best friend. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I declined. Apparently, because I don’t feel the same way he does, I don’t deserve it. I was under the impression that he’d given me this present to be a friend, not to get in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 208

Decisions, decisions

By Not how that works - 10/11/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about possibly having a threesome. In his words, choosing a woman would be "a fun new experience for us to enjoy together." But choosing a man would be "forcing me to watch you cheat, and pretend that I'm okay with it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 224

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 58 year-old mother told me she’s having a baby. Apparently she hasn’t started menopause yet, but assumed from her age she wouldn’t get pregnant when she started seeing a man she goes to bingo with. 58 years-old. My little brother/sister is going to be 36 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 93

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 31/08/2023 07:02 - Palau - Angaur State

Today, I got gifted a US MRE Menu 4 Cheese and Veggie Omelette, despite the fact that this crap has been discontinued by the government, as well as probably expired, as a "Thank you for your service" gift. I thought they'd gotten rid of this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 124

It's just a ride

By fatherof4 - 26/07/2021 04:01

Today, I realized that this is it. We are here for the blink of an eye, then dead. What if God doesn’t exist, then nothing has any meaning. I’ve been almost frozen in terror at this thought for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 621

First amendment issue

By God please make it stop - 03/08/2023 22:00

Today, my four year-old son has reached the phase where yelling random words is funny. I can't go five minutes without hearing, "CHICKEN NUGGET!" or "KALAMAZOO!" or "STINKY SOCKS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 279

Barbarians

By Anonymous - 08/04/2024 09:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, although I received a good grade for my science project, it was disqualified for the science fair that I'd hoped to enter. A beautiful scale model of our solar system was ruined by the Cro-Magnons in one of the other classes; I found pieces of it scattered all over the classroom. The teacher did nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 90

Mystery

By Gary - 14/03/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wallsend

Today, I was pulled into an office by the head of my college department. I was told that I was “making someone uncomfortable” but refused to elaborate on who it was, or what I’d done wrong. How am I supposed to fix a problem if I don’t know what the problem is? FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 92

CREEPY!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 22:00

Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 81

The Crazy World of Arthur Brown

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, our new chef managed to start a grease fire. We couldn’t put it out because he managed to splash the flaming grease onto the fire extinguisher. Yes, we couldn’t put out a fire because our fire extinguisher was on fire. The fire department guys just laughed and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 112

Hangover blues

By VibeCheck - 10/03/2020 07:57

Today, I woke up hungover and went to the kitchen for some food. I saw what I thought was a blueberry muffin. Halfway through eating it, I realized I couldn’t taste any blueberries, so I tried another one. I then remembered my dad telling me to throw out any old food we had. It was mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 1 869

Brat winter

By Single again - 04/01/2026 22:00

Today, my girlfriend's kid was acting silly and cutting up in a busy parking lot. I saw a car coming towards him and yanked him to my side. He started crying and my girlfriend screamed at me for "being mean" to him. I should have let the brat get hit, I guess. If this is the stepdad life, fuck it, I'm out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 108

Dodged a bullet

By whatever - 08/06/2025 09:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I went on a coffee date with a new girl. It was over less than a minute in, when I ordered a black coffee. She lectured me about how I "obviously" have a "seriously fragile ego." I just like black coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 71

Creature comforts

By Anonymous - 22/10/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, while my man raves about that one time he went hiking with his brother, without even a sleeping bag, spending the night under piles of dry leaves, now that we are looking for a small camper van, he insists it must have a toilet, kitchen, and indoor shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 162

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - 14/12/2023 08:00 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I'm feeling so lonely and miserable that I started adding a few drops of whiskey to my coffee, just to make all those shitty thoughts disappear for a moment. I know that it won't really help and I need therapy, but I can't afford it right now. On the other hand, it seems that I don't really care anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 182

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The Top

Today, after 6 years not wanting kids, my wife suddenly wants them with a desperation I’ve only seen in the drug addicts I work with wanting their fix. I still don’t want children, so now we just don’t have sex because I can’t trust her to take her contraceptives, or somehow tamper with my condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 277

Today, I was in bed, thinking about my crush and playing with myself, when I remembered the complicated spreadsheet my boss asked me to make tomorrow. That got me more excited than the thought of my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 915

You deserved it 7 206

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower and his phone was buzzing with calls and texts. Concerned as his nan is in ICU, I picked it up to find he's been secretly sexting his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 798

You deserved it 6 112

Today, I was showing why we picked the colour in our posters and ads for my department. I used a video to explain; I hadn't watched the full video. I skipped to halfway through and there was a picture of a naked woman with starfish on her tits. Everyone kinda went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 1 312

Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 183

Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 689

You deserved it 1 007