Goddamn commies
Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML
Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML
Today, I went to the public library for the first time ever. The librarian told me I couldn't get a library card because I had an outstanding balance of $130.00 from 1995. I was born in 1991. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML
Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML
Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML
Today, I was watching a TV show about people with shopping addictions. One girl was $15,000 in debt and I thought how horrible it would be to live with that. Then I realized that I'm in medical school and currently $135,000 in debt. At least they have something to show for their debt. FML
Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, on my 18th birthday, my mom told me the man I thought was my father for 18 years was actually not my father, and my real father was in prison for murder. FML
Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
Today, I finished my project two weeks early. Now I am being laid off because there is no work to do. FML
Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML
Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML
Today, I realized why my water bill has gone down so much. My 16 year old daughter now only feels it necessary to shower whenever her boyfriend is going to come over. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML
Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML
Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML
ktmla tells us more.
ktmla 14
OP here. To those of you who referred to me as "he"... I'm a girl :) I work at Hollister and the jacket is actually one my friend from Georgia gave me. It's his school jacket so I'm not sure why she wanted it. #1 Damn straight. #2 We don't but I'll make sure to put it in the suggestion box :-) #3 I was worried she would try to jack it (get it)... #18 I would've assumed the same thing had it not be from a school in a different state. #24 It's one of those things where it's only nice to me for sentimental reasons haha. Thanks though. #28 Although that is often true my manager is really cool so after the whole thing was over I was able to explain exactly what happened and I didn't get in trouble. #44 Thank you for your novel :-) you rock. #48/71 (and anyone's else who wanted clarification): I know your comment was buried but actually we do have that exact rule. We aren't allowed to have any personal items visible except for the clothes/accessories we are wearing (which are required to be from the store as part of the dress code). My jacket was actually behind the counter in a place not visible to customers and had she not been walking behind the counter (against the rules btw) to get to the dressing rooms she never would've seen it. I just couldn't include that in the 300 character fml. #64 I'm guessing that was a joke :) But if you were serious then if you are ever working in retail don't do anything like that unless you want to get fired. #67 More than you know. #74 Nah, she was just a bitch. #73 By fill pup I'm assuming you mean follow up. But you're right some people can really be jerks sometimes! #88 Exactly. #66 Obviously (not a) Product #83 The only place I told her to go was hell.. Wow, just kidding, that was dramatic of me. But no it was a school jacket. #84 I'm sorry that sucks.. Sorry this is so long I wanted to try to reply to as many people as possible. -Katie
Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
Today, it was my father's wedding. He never really cared for me, and his fiancée is my age, but I thought it would mean a lot to him if I went. I was supposed to wait for his call the day before, so he would give me directions and tell me when it starts. He never called. FML
kkiv tells us more.
kkiv 0
I don't really have the patience to answer every single comment, let me just say: - to those of you who say I'm stupid/naive for thinking he might care about me this time: he invited me. it was official. the wedding was small, and I'm not sure he even distributed any sort of invitations on paper. of course it's impossible to sum up 21 years of a father-daughter relationship in one FML post, so I wrote that he didn't really care about me, because that's the overall leitmotif. - to those who say I should get over it et cetera - I am over it. you should have seen me when it happened, I just shook my head, put on a bitter smile and told my mother he didn't call, surprise surprise. the reason I posted this here was that just because I'm over it, and just because I'm used to having a shitty father, doesn't mean it's alright and natural. plus it had a comical accent to it, which I'm surprised nobody caught. guess it's my Polish sense of humour. and yes, I am turning the other cheek, and when he calls, I answer, and when he offers to meet, I agree. not because I'm naive, and not because I'm some sort of martyr - sometimes even I don't know why I keep giving him one chance after another. I just don't really see any sense in me ignoring him, or getting back at him, or anything of that sort, it's just not my way of thinking. and to be honest, I do laugh about it sometimes. yes, my father is an asshole, he's a selfish prick and doesn't deserve to have kids, but like my mother said: - well, honey, what can I say? he was really handsome, AND on the basketball team. and just look at how pretty you are..!
Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML
Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML
Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML
Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML
Today, a little girl came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Lindsey, let's be friends!" I thought she was cute, so I played along and said, "OK! My name is Jen!" Her reply was, "Wait, never mind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML
Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML
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