By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Spicy
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML
I agree, your life sucks 51 922
You deserved it 16 371

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I think it's a little more weird that your parents are discussing your jacking off skills.

How do you jack off weird?

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How do you jack off weird?

\ 28

By doing it to My Little Pony cartoons :)

Instead of jerking he fingers.

Flicking the bean stalk eh?

Different strokes for different folks.

28, you look like a brunette Taylor Swift.

You look like a coke whore who likes to dance, 33! I will admit though, you got some moves.

38-You probably already know this but her picture is a character from "Pulp Fiction".

Ah mods.. Take this one as well, please. I didn't realize mine was deleted until I already commented..

16, are you speaking from experience?

48- yes. Yes he is.

I believe #16 was referring to a previous fml. In which someone walked in on their brother whacking off to My Little Pony

I was thinking OP was doing something even goofier than that, 63. Like uh, maybe trying to pull of a pile driver on his own. Squatting, pointing his dick towards the ground and half jump plowing into a little hole he made with both hands. Just something completely fucking ridiculous. If I saw my son attempting a move like that, every single girlfriend he's ever had would hear that story. Haha.

or maybe he wore a wig and lipstick drew a face on his member named it and was calling it a dirty whore..

He could have been doing the "firestarter" maneuver.

#69 what kind of messed up porn do you watch?

That was VERY descriptive. Hahahaha

they don't call him mcfeeli for nothing.

Dammit OP, it's either Pamela Handerson, or Miss Palmer; not both at the same time.

I think it's a little more weird that your parents are discussing your jacking off skills.

his dads just making a comment, they aren't discussing it.

At least they laugh about it, I've heard of some parents who sent their kids to church camp because they got caught jacking off...OP's lucky they didn't freak haha

It's still a little odd. But it could be worse!

#25, you're right, it could've been a lot worse. OP's dad could've gone and brought his mom in the room too to experience firsthand how "weird" OP does it!

\ 28

There was also an FML detailing how OP's mom always recites Bible verses to him after she caught him jacking off...

Remember the South Park episode where Butters got sent to gay camp were the motto was "Pray the gay away" and when he visited some of the rooms the students attending had killed themselves. Or am I on the only person that remembers that whole episode off hand. And the Awesome-O episode.

As a (newer) parent myself, everything your kids do gets discussed. Makes me wonder about the discussions my parents must've had about the shit I did as a kid...

Take this as a sign to up your technique

I think OP should ask his dad for some tips since his dad must be a "pro" at it.

How do you improve your "technique"? the only thing I can imagine is screaming...... well some candels would be fine, lol idk.

\ 28

Your comment meshes with your username so well. Sounds so DBZ-related

Haha. He was paying close attention o.O

Yeah I know, I mean how long do you have to watch someone wank to know they do it "weird".

as long as it feels good enough for you, who cares how you do the five knuckle shuffle?

Best term for masturbation I've ever heard.

five knuckle shuffle... ... I'll have to keep that term in note. That was great.

#5- I'll never look at John Cena the same way again.

Lol!!! Wow! I will not either, now that I've read your comment # 5 Haha!

Is that like the dougie?

more like polishing a rifle.

#8 I prefer dishonourable discharge..

Or polishing his wand.

Were you experimenting with your other hand?

My question is why does your dad even care?

Probably because he wants grandchildren. And if his son jerks off weird well.... you can imagine.

I don't want to

What does jacking off even have to do with grandchildren?

If you jack off too much it affects relationships and therefore you will not have children or grandchildren

There are some people that like to hang themselves while jacking off (for me that's weird) and maybe.. well I guess I got out of the topic.

#110 That was the silliest thing I have ever read and believe me when I tell you I've read some dumb shit

Tell him it only looked weird to him because you have to use your whole hand to grab it, and since he only needs two fingers he just wouldn't understand, walk away and laugh maniacally.

I think everyone jacks of weird cuz like jacking off is weird, fun but weird lol

I think my IQ just dropped several points by reading that.

Lol 10, what drug are you on today?

He's just high on himself.

It's a natural thing to do its not weird. I don't know where you have been, but masturbating has been going on for thousands of years.

Lol a very strange thing to say. Pass the butter and by the way our son jacks off weird. Why was he even looking?

That's what I'm wondering... OP's dad is a weirdo.

Maybe OP jacks off in a way that is actually weird? If I walked in to my son masturbatig while hanging upside down from the ceiling and watching a dolphin masturbate with a decapitated fish, I'd be pretty weirded out, too.