Transportation: Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

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Transportation

Serious times

Explain that one

Nooooooo… !

By f03_f0r_l1f3 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

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By Anonymous

Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

Today, I was forced to sit silently through my 20-year-old daughter's wedding to a man who is 8 years older than I am. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

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By nick - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

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By Cheesey_Dorito

Today, I couldn't find the keys to open the store I work at. The resulting stress gave me chest pains that ended up sending me to the hospital. I still missed work and my father found the keys under the passenger seat in his car. The same seat I sat in on the way to the hospital. FML

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By epicgamer - United States - Fremont

Today, my extremely racist coworker was doing his usual thing. Since it was 9/11 he went absolutely hardcore on his "jokes" so I reported it to my supervisor. She asked what did he say specifically and I recited it to her. She decided to write me up for "making inappropriate comments at work". FML

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By toni405 - United States

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

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By sad_dad - Canada

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

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By poop - United States

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

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By loserface23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

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56612

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By James - Australia

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying 'I want my cat back'. I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

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31951

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By Mark - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

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By sydneybourgeois - United States

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

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43428

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By Anonymous - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

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By Kevin - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

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10175

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By max - United States

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

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40310

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

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By FML - United States

Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML

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By kaplwv116 - United States

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

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By sigh - United States

Today, my boyfriend got upset after I politely asked him to do the laundry. He takes every chance he gets to act macho and brag to people about how he's in the Marines, but apparently he is too much of a pussy to act like a man and clean his own clothes. FML

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By glens - United States

Today, my company announced a new name. They also announced new coffee mugs with the name on them. They've not announced raises in over 3 years. FML

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By birthdaygirl - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

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44933

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By B.. - 1/9/2020 23:00

Bye then!

Today, my girlfriend, after 9 months of coffee shop dates and sharing bottles of wine, relaxing, expressing our love for each other, decided it was time to end our relationship by telling me that she actually wasn't happy, and had her and all of her friends and family block me on every social media. FML

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1405

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149

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By Katz

Today, I was babysitting for a friend who develops software. After the baby was asleep, I was watching anime on my iPad. Turns out he created an app that alerts his phone whenever potential adult content streams through his internet. It was just an anime, but he's convinced I was watching porn. FML

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3133

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406

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Itaja?

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

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22845

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By Username - United States

Today, I put up an ad on Craig's List to find a best friend. I don't know what's more pathetic: looking for a best friend online, or the ad being removed almost instantly. FML

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13630

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By SoSoRachel - United States - Dunlap

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

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27267

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By MarieAmber18 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML

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34750

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By Ixi_the_pixie - United States

Today, my therapist told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to handle your level of instability." FML

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40786

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By HoShiz - Canada

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

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By J.O.S - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

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By Jesse - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

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By airhead2015 - United States - Morristown

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

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43332

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By LondonKitsch - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

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50740

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By Rubyscooby212 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

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35251

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By Anonymous - United States - Athens

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

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By SpontaneousAM - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML

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4026

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By unemployed - United States

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

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Top comments

By Rhien | 0

#169640 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:16

FYL if you payed the meter, and it ran out because the bitch at the desk was arguing with you, YDI if you didn't pay it. So I won't vote here.

By McOrmick | 0

#169602 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

Oh the irony. Sucks man

COMMENTS

By retro_squares | 0

#169591 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:08

Wow...that sucks and YAY FINALLY FIRST!

By brydeec | 0

#169595 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:08

SECOND!
And yea, FYL.

By Luckster | 0

#169597 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

If you didn't have bad luck, you'd have no luck at all!

MrCatman1125 | 2

#5126851 - Thursday 8 November 2012 5:38

I'd rather have no luck...

By McOrmick | 0

#169602 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:09

Oh the irony. Sucks man

By SoFreakinNaive | 0

#169608 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:11

i agree with 4. some nice irony right there :]
and yay fifth!

By omglyktotally78 | 0

#169610 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:11

FUCK THE GOD DAMN PARKING NAZI'S SERIOUSLY!!! THOSE ASSHOLES HAVE NO SOULS!! on my campus, you get a $50 fine for parking in the wrong spot etc....I hope yours wasn't that much.

By elspicytaco | 0

#169633 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:15

oh man. must have not been one of ur better days.

By Rhien | 0

#169640 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:16

FYL if you payed the meter, and it ran out because the bitch at the desk was arguing with you, YDI if you didn't pay it. So I won't vote here.

By cefarix | 5

#169650 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:18

Yet another example of how the U.S. government oppresses its own citizens. I feel sorry for you, FYL :(

By x_eyebrows | 0

#169656 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 2:19

Haha, didn't you learn your lesson the first time? :P It sucks for you, but you kind of deserve it! I'll bet you'll be a lot more careful about where you park in the future!