Love: Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't...

By Lisa - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52024

You deserved it

7344

Favorite

Love

Misheard

Gratitude walks

Mr. Burns

By Anonymous - 19/8/2020 08:05

Daily grind

Today, over half of my coworkers have called out for various reasons and my manager is on her third week of vacation. My coworkers keep calling out. I'm the only closer. I just want a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1346

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23595

You deserved it

5888

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonalds slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41764

You deserved it

3154

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I found out if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around, it does in fact make a sound, and also $5,000 worth of damage to your truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21896

You deserved it

1564

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Rapid City

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26670

You deserved it

6658

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/4/2021 07:30 - New Zealand - Auckland

Eleven Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media

Today, I recently broke up with a girl I care greatly about to spare her having to deal with my mental health issues. Facebook keeps updating me with everything she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

525

You deserved it

594

Favorite

By leogs23 - 26/1/2021 10:59

On the rocks

Today, my fiancée is convinced that I just want to marry her to get a green card, so she doesn’t want to marry me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

603

You deserved it

664

Favorite

By wtf?! - 30/5/2020 05:00

Purple rain, purple rain

Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1631

You deserved it

250

Favorite

By scubai - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33435

You deserved it

5664

Favorite

By Kallian - Australia - Sydney

What happened?

Today, I walked home and found a massive branch had fallen into my parking space. My first thought, "Thank God my car wasn't hit!" My second thought, "Where's my car?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2336

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, we had our busiest day at work all year with lots of angry people calling, and a co-worker called in sick. I went to my local game shop after work, exhausted and upset, and guess who was at his usual table running a Dungeons and Dragons group, apparently not too sick to go out. Yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2931

You deserved it

181

Favorite

By someboody - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21155

You deserved it

4413

Favorite

By inveralaska - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11954

You deserved it

2329

Favorite

By rosesareyellow - United States

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15023

You deserved it

33376

Favorite

By ljd09 - United States

Today, I watched my car roll backwards on the freeway, while attached to the tow truck that I was sitting in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28456

You deserved it

2445

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9338

You deserved it

26858

Favorite

By Anonymous

Headfucked

Today, after two weeks of migraines, my doctor informed me that bowel movements are one my triggers. This means every time I shit, I will have a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1787

You deserved it

Favorite

By 16Charlie5

Curious...

Today, I woke to the smell of poop in my apartment. I went to investigate and found out a cat had pooped in my living room. I don’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3634

You deserved it

260

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10367

You deserved it

41485

Favorite

By SakuraBreeze - United States

Today, I was working at my new job at a food court on campus. One of the supervisors came up to my station and told me that I "really look like someone who, through some miracle, accidentally found their way into college." He then threw a pickle at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26614

You deserved it

2621

Favorite

By TheSentinel05 - 8/7/2020 05:00

You should know!

Today, my mom screamed at me for not cleaning out the coffee machine. When I told her that wasn’t part of my chores and she never asked me to do it, she screamed at me for not doing it out of the kindness of my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1429

You deserved it

358

Favorite

By crinitis - Canada - Ancaster

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22978

You deserved it

1380

Favorite

By pooped - China

Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71857

You deserved it

5834

Favorite

By alphabetman - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45852

You deserved it

6756

Favorite

By donutsex - United States - Georgetown

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53765

You deserved it

8932

Favorite

By beckzx58 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10308

You deserved it

43596

Favorite

By blahbags - United Kingdom

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56715

You deserved it

17737

Favorite

By wtf dad - United States

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28534

You deserved it

2323

Favorite

By annonymous - United States

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23264

You deserved it

2026

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Washington

Today, while using the restroom at my favorite cafe, I fell asleep for 30 minutes. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons viciously breaking down the only barrier between between you and your shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5171

You deserved it

2409

Favorite

By Bekah - United States

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37542

You deserved it

4425

Favorite

By Brett

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5018

You deserved it

401

Favorite

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1971

You deserved it

157

Favorite

By 221bcompanion - United States - Massillon

Today, I put more effort into getting and keeping my Sims onto a good sleep schedule in order to properly take care of their needs than I did for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17671

You deserved it

7639

Favorite

By fuckthepopo - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29747

You deserved it

6441

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39872

You deserved it

4733

Favorite

By Chris - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29567

You deserved it

4109

Favorite

By SlowLane - United States

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43212

You deserved it

2819

Favorite

By notpregnantthankgod - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, the local gossip was in line behind me at the shop. She saw me buying pregnancy tests. The good news is that I'm not pregnant. The bad news is that she'll definitely have everyone thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22449

You deserved it

2180

Favorite

By distracted - Australia - Pymble

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25367

You deserved it

4050

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By amelia_suhayda | 22

#6011999 - Saturday 19 July 2014 5:21

I think that's kind of sweet.

By bonjourhaley | 8

#6012002 - Saturday 19 July 2014 5:21

I'm sure you mowed into the sunset :)

COMMENTS

By amelia_suhayda | 22

#6011999 - Saturday 19 July 2014 5:21

I think that's kind of sweet.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6012171 - Saturday 19 July 2014 6:47

Is your boyfriend the Waterboy, Bobby Boucher?...

Lacist | 19

#6012186 - Saturday 19 July 2014 7:00

Hey man he went through all that trouble, up to the last resort.

thevelociraptor | 31

#6012200 - Saturday 19 July 2014 7:16

I agree c: I don't think it's such a bad thing. Yes you might look a little weird, but if your having a good time with him who cares?

Wakachulak | 22

#6012300 - Saturday 19 July 2014 8:59

Actually, that's genius! Those things vibrate like crazy.

Animekid126 | 13

#6012310 - Saturday 19 July 2014 9:25

Genius

By bonjourhaley | 8

#6012002 - Saturday 19 July 2014 5:21

I'm sure you mowed into the sunset :)

marulicko | 19

#6012281 - Saturday 19 July 2014 8:40

Aaaaaw ^^, seriously super awesome!! OP, are you a little high maintenance? ;)

By Welshite | 39

#6012003 - Saturday 19 July 2014 5:22

Did he hold a radio above his head too?

nix1993 | 41

#6012084 - Saturday 19 July 2014 5:50

The radio above his head was from 'Say Anything' with John Cusack, the lawnmower scene was from 'Can't buy me Love' with Patrick Dempsey. Easy A was just drowning in confused 80's movie references.