Naughty boy

By Anonomous - 29/12/2013 00:31 - United States - Plainfield

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks 52 007
You deserved it 4 150

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thejewishfuhrer 17

God it sounds like what I hear coming from my teenage sons bedroom most nights! I have learnt to whistle quite well now...

Thanks for sharing.. We all love to know your son squeaks while masturbating

At least the little guy doesn't last long!

Redoxx_fml 22

Atleast it wasn't a groundhog, ey Bill Murray?

Redoxx, let's not go there...those were dark days. Dark days, indeed.

Exactly! The guinea pig probably thinks "FML" too when you're rubbing one out at night.

Yes, I'm sure OP humps a large hamster wheel.

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JocelynKaulitz 28

^^ Both sound incredibly irrelevant.

I was just trying to have some fun with the random evolution comment. I should know better though, making fun of evolution around atheists is just as bad as making fun of Jesus around Catholics.

Well, technically, learning something doesn't count as evolution. I didn't become genetically altered when I figured out how to ya ya my sisterhood... Or DID I??? O.O

And if you look over here folks you can see #44, someone who cannot take a joke

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals

stephhrunsaway 21

My bird masturbates, too. He's a cockatiel. Not even joking.

so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel.

This gives me images of my cat masturbrating.....Urgh,the horror.

euphoricness 28

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its people like you that make me weep for society..

Let me explain my thoughts. I always had cats in my life and I had 17 cats for some years. So yes,since this fml involves pets masturbrating ,I immediately thought of my cats. :/ It didnt come off weird to me at the time of writing. Excuse me sir but seriously? "weeping for society" over this?woah drama queen much?

Now-a-days people should weel for society. Girls are pregnant at 16, 12 year olds dress like *****, and politeness is so alien to some people it is considered flirting.


Anyone else reminded of Due Date with Zack Galafianakas' (god I hope I spelled that right) masturbating dog?


Haha I like!! Hilarious scene

You clearly intended a pun or you wouldn't have written beat in caps.

Sure they do. Go google it regarding orangutans.

Epikouros 31

Horrible flashbacks of the chimp masturbating with a frog.

55, for some reason your profile pic just seems to go so well with this fml.. I HAVE THE POWER!

there are sex toys for animals... open your mind a lil bit

it really bugs me when people can't seem to spell "anonymous" when using it as their little username thing.

Epikouros 31

The Ancient Greek word 'onyma' (name) was spelled as 'onoma' too, so OP's version is as good as the usual spelling.

If this were a website from ancient greece I'd agree with you. Unfortunately it isn't. Anonymous is the correct spelling.

Either that is one loud wheel or the fur ball is in your room. If it is, why don't you put it in your sister's bedroom where it belongs.

Guinea pigs shouldn't even have wheels. Their spines are too inflexible and they can hurt themselves.