Your everyday life stories

brokenatthebar - 24/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Carleton

Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML

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Anonymous - 14/05/2017 21:00 - France

Today, I had a job interview. After two hours of commute, thirty minutes filling out questionnaires, and fifteen minutes of actual interview, the recruiter told me the post had already been filled. FML

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TheComedyAudio - 06/04/2018 01:30

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

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Coyote - 10/12/2017 06:45

Today, the cat was screaming for canned food. To save the ears of everyone in the house, I decided to give him what he wanted. When I popped the lid, it squirted stinky cat-food gravy all over my shirt. When I tried to remove the shirt, it all went inside my pants. FML

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CoyoteOldOne

CoyoteOldOne 17

Wednesday 29 November 2017 1:49

I am an uncontrolled human. The cat is uncontrolled also. Cat food doesnt smell nice to me, and it was a strong, wet, meaty smell. Dammit, that came out bad too. Maybe i should work at one of those phone sex lines.

This is why we shop online!

trash80 - 21/02/2018 19:00

Today, while checking out at Target, I had the choice of standing behind one lady or a long line. Naturally, I chose the former. Half an hour later, the long line had completely passed, and I was still standing behind the lady, who was now arguing with the cashier. FML

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Dumped and pregnant - 01/05/2018 05:00

Today, my ex dumped me for his ex who'd cheated on him. Today, I also found out I'm pregnant. When I told him he said, "I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out." FML

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GLX - 14/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

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Hard no, thanks

3rd wheel, 2nd dick - 26/07/2018 06:00

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

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Ouch.

Jen1444 - 26/02/2018 13:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML

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Anonymous - 30/05/2018 15:00

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

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Anonymous - 24/08/2017 07:00 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML

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BURN

Anonymous - 14/01/2018 15:00

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, "Don’t worry sweetie. It'll get better," to which I responded, "What will get better?" She smiled at me and said, "Your face." FML

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Anonymous - 09/10/2017 23:15

Today, I married the beautiful girl I’ve been in love with since we were both 6 years old. By married, I mean I performed the marriage ceremony as the vicar and watched her smile and kiss her arsehole boyfriend, now husband, right in front of me. FML

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Anonymous - 08/04/2017 12:00

Today, I was cleaning the litter box and found a large clump. I later found my 3-year-old peeing there instead of in the toilet. FML

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Potty drama

NeverEndingBathtime_ - 03/08/2017 20:00

Today, my two year-old is being potty trained. He got the gist of it and actually did #1 and #2 in the potty and after our little celebratory dance, I went to get him a cookie (which took me two seconds). I come back to see him covered in shit and pee because he tried to go empty the potty himself. FML

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Bear - 10/07/2017 04:30

Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers asked if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML

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FranticFarAwayDaughter - 16/11/2017 19:00

Today, my mother was transferred from the hospital to a long-term care facility. Nobody I talk to at the hospital knows what facility they sent her to. FML

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Hot

Sucks2beme -

Today, a cute guy who works in my building said, “Wow! You look hot.” I blushed and replied, “Oh thanks!” He then said, “Oh, no. I meant you look sweaty. Is it hot outside?” FML

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Unfair dismissal

representative - 20/04/2017 00:00

Today, I was let go without warning at work. Why? Because my boss saw some comments I'd posted. Nothing I'd said was offensive or controversial, but he said he didn't care, because he didn't agree with it and didn't want me to "smear" the company name. I represent the company? I just serve coffee. FML

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Anonymous - 06/07/2017 21:00 - Italy

Today, I had to have knee surgery. When I woke up, I found myself with a bandage around my head. The surgeon explained to me that one of the students in the operating room had fainted during the procedure, falling over and head-butting me on her way down. FML

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ldemosthenous - 26/04/2017 15:03

Today, it's my birthday. My friends don't believe me since they "didn't get a Facebook notification." FML

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Anonymous - 12/06/2017 10:41

Today, after going to the doctor with a knee strain and getting a brace, I managed to kick the coffee table so hard I broke two toes... on my other foot. To top it all off, my husband keeps laughing and imitating me. FML

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Noxian

Noxian 5

Saturday 10 June 2017 20:42

OP here, toes are doing better! Knee is still in a brace... husband escaped death. He's lucky I love him so much! ?

deerlord - 12/08/2017 21:45 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, my mother pointed out to me how much my fiancé looks like my brother. She's right. I never noticed before, but now I can't unsee it. I don't think I'll ever be able to touch him again. FML

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Odds in my favour - 14/03/2018 15:00

Today, I put out a public ad for a dancing buddy. No pictures, just a brief description of what I was looking for. A guy answered and we started chatting. The more he revealed, the more familiar he sounded. Yep! That's him! My stalker from 10 years ago. Guess I have to move. FML

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Long haul

ripped off and blown out - 08/06/2017 00:00

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

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Some people are just lazy

Anonymous - 22/06/2017 00:00

Today, while working, I saw a man napping under a tree. He was still there 3 hours later. Turns out he was dead. FML

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Anonymous - 01/02/2018 19:00

Today, because I left my wallet at home, I got arrested for "underage smoking." I'm 32 years old. FML

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Prank [GONE WRONG] [GONE SEXUAL]

Mintspice - 19/12/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, my friends decided to pull a prank. They told my girlfriend I'd cheated on her, which I hadn't. Her revenge? Inviting me over to have me walk in on her with my brother. Our 6-month anniversary was two days away and I got her a trip to Spain, which cost me almost three paychecks. FML

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mysteryguy3039 - 07/08/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend gave me a two week notice for our relationship. FML

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Anonymous - 29/03/2018 15:00

Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was setting up a rat trap at the kitchen table and had just gotten it set when my phone rang. I foolishly leaned over to grab my phone, brushed against the trap, and it snapped closed on my nipple. I wasn’t wearing a bra so that thing grabbed my nipple hard and didn’t let go. FML

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Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

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Today, I found out that my wife has been stepping out for two years with her two best friend's husbands, our neighbor who lives with his mother, and a complete stranger she worked with for 4 days. She was also pregnant while all this was going on. Then she had a nervous breakdown, and I had to take her to hospital. FML

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Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

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Today, I realised that I have been a teacher for far too long when I told a random stranger I saw at the mall to tie up their shoelaces. FML

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Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up, she would take me to get birth control. Wanting birth control, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML

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