Health: Today, after going to the doctor with a knee strain and getting... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 42

12/06/2017 10:41

Today, after going to the doctor with a knee strain and getting a brace, I managed to kick the coffee table so hard I broke two toes... on my other foot. To top it all off, my husband keeps laughing and imitating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 727

You deserved it 844

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 20:42

OP here, toes are doing better! Knee is still in a brace... husband escaped death. He's lucky I love him so much! ?

Leave us alone

Our house, in the middle of our street

Empathy lives

Unloveable

By sal - 27/09/2020 05:02

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 257

01/03/2011 23:51

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 551

You deserved it 90 693

17/01/2017 09:13

Today, my music students began a lively debate about whether or not a music stand would make a good weapon for the zombie apocalypse. What am I teaching them? FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 273

You deserved it 821

26/01/2010 06:56

Spicy

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 781

You deserved it 10 102

03/06/2019 02:05

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 138

15/02/2009 21:44

Spicy

Today, I was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he told me I was in luck. When I asked why he replied, "I like little boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 215

You deserved it 6 628

27/05/2009 18:37

Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 089

You deserved it 2 964

18/06/2010 07:18

Spicy

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 238

You deserved it 38 641

25/08/2019 04:04

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 817

28/07/2009 05:19

Today, I got a sunburn all over my stomach from a tanning bed. In an attempt to relieve the itching, I looked up natural treatments since we have no aloe. After trying yogurt, milk and mayo I found out that our water was shut off so the shower could be fixed. I now reek of mayo and milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 818

You deserved it 46 850

Another great day to be alive

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 21:59

Today, I didn’t get much done because I woke up late and therefore didn’t have much time. No wait, that was yesterday. Today I didn’t get much done because I woke up EARLY and was miserably tired and good for nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 325

13/10/2017 16:00

Today, the only way my newborn sleeps is if I dance around with him strapped to me. Six hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 840

You deserved it 457

07/06/2012 17:41

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 036

You deserved it 6 675

01/03/2012 20:39

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 324

You deserved it 3 186

17/07/2012 20:19

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 653

You deserved it 2 207

13/07/2016 21:28

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 136

You deserved it 1 038

07/02/2011 19:57

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 003

You deserved it 32 623

07/02/2010 18:58

Today, I found out that, if timed just right, the alarm function on my phone can be disabled by a text message. And my dad has an impeccable sense of timing. I was 20 minutes late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 950

You deserved it 3 250

13/06/2012 16:07

Spicy

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 243

You deserved it 5 219

08/07/2016 14:52

Today, I was terminated from my job. This comes after I sent HR an email about an inappropriate relationship between my manager and a counselor. Seems like I should have kept my mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 454

You deserved it 4 459

05/01/2012 08:09

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 960

You deserved it 4 224

21/06/2016 23:24

Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 466

You deserved it 1 070

29/05/2009 02:35

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 042

You deserved it 59 235

05/09/2014 02:59

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 603

You deserved it 3 693

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but…

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 01:00

Today, it was my birthday. I'd told my wife i would love a new battery drill, finally getting a decent one after all these years, and picked out a few nice ones. I opened the present: another cheap off-brand drill. They "didn't have any of the ones I picked out", but this one came with free drill bits. All useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 171

Aaand blocked.

By wtf fml - 20/03/2018 17:30

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 341

You deserved it 493

16/01/2010 20:19

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 019

You deserved it 3 640

07/01/2011 19:10

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 745

You deserved it 7 364

23/11/2011 01:53

Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 690

You deserved it 48 130

Happy Reset Day!

By TheSaddestSpiceMeatball - 30/10/2019 16:00

Today, it was mine and my fiancé's 4 year anniversary. What did he get me? Nothing, but I did find out he's been cheating on me with multiple women. Guess I’m back to 0 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 146

20/03/2009 03:34

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 568

You deserved it 9 540

10/06/2009 11:03

Today, I busted my ass to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get paid. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 286

You deserved it 9 500

03/07/2013 16:19

Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 013

You deserved it 3 110

07/02/2013 14:45

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 871

You deserved it 5 671

19/05/2014 14:27

Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 056

You deserved it 7 093

27/02/2010 13:17

Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremly selfish person, and that I do not love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a backrub in 2 weeks, sleep too much and have a hormonal problem. Once again, I AM PREGNANT! FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 992

You deserved it 5 849

01/06/2009 19:13

Spicy

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 545

You deserved it 4 074

03/11/2010 14:35

Spicy

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 059

You deserved it 3 343

26/10/2017 07:26

Spicy

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 226

You deserved it 1 345

28/09/2009 03:16

Spicy

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 950

You deserved it 3 860

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 14:40

If you're from America, you might as well get your money's worth from that single visit. Otherwise, it'll cost you an arm too.

CrazyTrainWreck 19

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 15:56

Well looks like your day started off on the wrong foot.

Comments

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 14:40

If you're from America, you might as well get your money's worth from that single visit. Otherwise, it'll cost you an arm too.

ScarletteEve 33

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 16:32

She said after the doctor's visit.

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 18:46

Ah yes. You are correct. You'll have to excuse my slight oversight. I'm running on 4 hours of sleep in the last 2 days due to work and a sick kid.

CrazyTrainWreck 19

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 15:56

Well looks like your day started off on the wrong foot.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 16:49

That'll put a strain on your marriage!

sunshine1421 14

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 17:56

thats his way of trying to cheer you up maybe.. dont be to hard on him... also get well ive had both of those injuries (not at the same time) and they are no fun at all... speedy recovery op

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 20:44

Thanks! Already doing better, husband's been a sweet heart and my couch now has a hollow spot where I've not moved for four days! Yay!

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 20:42

OP here, toes are doing better! Knee is still in a brace... husband escaped death. He's lucky I love him so much! ?

yourmomwarnedu 14

Send a private message

Saturday 10 June 2017 21:54

I mean u feel that's kind of what husband's are for :p

Send a private message

Sunday 11 June 2017 0:35

Aww poor OP

Send a private message

Monday 12 June 2017 6:05

Captain Ahab, is that you?