Miscellaneous: Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized...

14/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 675

You deserved it 251

Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

The one with the asshole friend

You BARBARIAN!

16/02/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 375

You deserved it 7 028

25/06/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 210

You deserved it 4 362

31/10/2015 17:19 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 082

You deserved it 1 950

Manoeuvres in the dark

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 21:13 - Canada

Today, I had to perform with my orchestra at an event. I hadn't eaten at all because I had to get my blood sugar tested. During the middle of a song, I passed out. No one helped me and no one stopped playing, "because the song wasn't over and they didn't want to ruin the performance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 611

You deserved it 6 239

20/11/2013 03:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 722

You deserved it 71 592

05/06/2010 00:52 - United States

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 910

You deserved it 26 298

23/01/2010 21:13 - France

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 070

You deserved it 7 702

17/11/2010 12:09 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I had caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast-milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 222

You deserved it 3 327

20/12/2008 08:16 - France

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 672

You deserved it 12 212

Roommates from hell

By WTF - 30/12/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don't even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 960

You deserved it 6 531

23/02/2016 03:14 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, my boss decided that, because I got dragged into a vacation that I didn't even want to go on, she was going to take a promotion back before she even gave it to me. I don't know what's worse, losing the promotion or going on that crappy vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 294

You deserved it 1 812

Spin on this

By foreveralone - 21/03/2020 06:00

Today, I had my first kiss. It would have been great if I wasn't playing spin the bottle as a 23-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 348

30/12/2014 17:24 - United States - Reno

Today, I decided to start jogging and exercising, so I had a wonderful workout before work. Then I broke my foot at work. Goodbye exercising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 089

You deserved it 2 511

Yummy

By Anonymous - 06/05/2020 23:00

Today, I decided to have some bagels. It was only after I ate them that I looked at the cream cheese and discovered that it expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 1 809

26/03/2014 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 478

You deserved it 4 390

31/08/2013 04:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 883

You deserved it 2 717

08/07/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 353

You deserved it 12 037

With friends like her, who needs money?

By Anonymous - 05/10/2019 22:01

Today, I maxed out my credit card trying to help a friend of over 19 years to go see her family for Christmas, only to find out she changed her mind and doesn’t really want to go. I can’t return the bus tickets, and she’s mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 327

05/08/2015 04:37 - United States - Palmer

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 380

You deserved it 22 129

10/11/2009 16:25 - Canada

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 629

You deserved it 4 725

31/05/2013 18:47 - United States - Crescent

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 393

You deserved it 4 448

Married life

By ALO - 21/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Bossier City

Today, I found out my husband of 7 years has been cheating on me with "10-15" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 980

You deserved it 202

Parenting 101

By unworthyoflove - 09/06/2020 14:07

Today, I told my parents that I was going to stop being so hard on myself all the time. They responded by calling me a narcissist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 176

10/05/2014 17:56 - United States

Today, I was looking at some cellphones with my dad, when an assistant asked if we needed help. My dad said, "Yeah, does this have parental controls? My son watches some freaky stuff, some damn freaky stuff." I don't watch anything weird, but thanks for humiliating me, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 439

You deserved it 4 541

05/02/2011 00:29 - Canada

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 778

You deserved it 7 925

26/09/2011 17:18 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 351

You deserved it 2 520

22/01/2014 16:30 - United States - Tampa

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 029

You deserved it 4 223

14/11/2008 04:16 - France

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 399

You deserved it 4 977

28/02/2012 07:10 - United States

Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 808

You deserved it 12 933

20/06/2019 02:28

Today, after spending the day at work avoiding all hard manual tasks that may harm me, I had a table dropped on my foot. I broke my toe, split my nail and had to get a tetanus shot. I was avoiding injury as I was supposed to be performing in a figure skating exhibition this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 184

Badass

By zzz - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the badass Spider-Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 915

You deserved it 4 366

22/06/2016 12:36 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 293

You deserved it 1 473

25/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 196

You deserved it 15 330

30/08/2019 14:02 - Australia

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 322

21/04/2015 15:40 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 284

You deserved it 2 901

28/11/2010 06:02 - United States

Today, I saw an elderly woman in need of help of crossing a street. I helped her across. On the way she just about fell and held onto me to keep from hitting the ground. After she left on her bus I reached for my wallet. It was gone. I had just been robbed by a 70 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 665

You deserved it 4 078

25/02/2012 14:35 - United States

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 435

You deserved it 3 464

07/09/2011 23:02 - Canada

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 009

You deserved it 4 441

21/10/2011 11:37 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 032

You deserved it 13 765

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By lpilou - 21/11/2008 05:40 - France

Today, I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting. Her parents own it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 719

You deserved it 10 844

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Top comments

sunshine1421 14

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Thursday 15 June 2017 0:56

you should break the box out then remark that itll go for a higher price in the box... see how long it takes for him to catch on

ElNeto 14

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Thursday 15 June 2017 1:45

Did you kick his ass, OP?

Comments

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Thursday 15 June 2017 0:05

Just be sure not to be making any invalid claims OP! Definitely suggest new friends!!

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 15 June 2017 0:37

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

mekiswrite 21

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Thursday 15 June 2017 20:07

but then why try to sell back the digital camera?

sunshine1421 14

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Thursday 15 June 2017 0:56

you should break the box out then remark that itll go for a higher price in the box... see how long it takes for him to catch on

GLX 17

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Monday 24 July 2017 2:57

That would've been the best thing ever if I had thought of it at the time omg.

ElNeto 14

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Thursday 15 June 2017 1:45

Did you kick his ass, OP?

racecar842 3

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Thursday 15 June 2017 3:21

Did yuou break his fingers?

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 15 June 2017 3:26

You need to focus on developing better friendships. I shutter to think your future pixel be any better than this crop.

jessicasoho 13

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Thursday 15 June 2017 8:29

"friend" ha. I had a "friend" steal from me before. No longer allowed my friend. The older you get, you'll know who your true friends are.

Selene1090 26

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Thursday 15 June 2017 13:19

Make a report with the police. If you have receipts or even the box or whatever proof then you could probably get it back.

Dumper420 3

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Thursday 15 June 2017 14:20

I'd totally dump him and find new friends!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 102

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 132