Kids and Health: Unfair. Period. - FML

Unfair. Period.

By shanna - 23/05/2018 15:00

Today, after I missed my last 3 periods, my mom grounded me for "getting pregnant" and refuses to believe anything else. I'm 15 and never had sex in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 561

You deserved it 209

Our house, in the middle of our street

But was he cute though?

Be better, people

What's the time, please?

By ThreeHoursEarly - 24/01/2020 01:00

Today, I was told to be present for a meeting that started at 5pm. I arrived 15 minutes early, and I was late for the meeting. This happens regularly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 018

You deserved it 268

By Anonymous - 22/06/2009 13:32 - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 041

You deserved it 7 136

Mansplaning #2764

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I got mansplained for trying to help a guy secure a machine to a trailer. Not only did he bring the wrong trailer, he tried to ratchet it onto the axle. I load and unload trailers at least once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 108

Dancing queen

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 16:44 - Switzerland

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 026

You deserved it 6 379

By skrumpp - 20/03/2014 16:15

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 820

You deserved it 5 118

By sam - 02/05/2010 00:12 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 254

You deserved it 47 407

By Mom2boysonly - 15/06/2018 20:30

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 112

You deserved it 360

By obsceene - 18/10/2010 10:49 - United States

Today, it was wacky tacky day at my school. I did not participate, however, I did get voted the tackiest outfit in my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 026

You deserved it 8 354

Poor Mickey

By oh, good - 15/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 223

Oh nose!

By Thatsjustmee - 07/07/2021 04:01 - Canada

Today, I was at rehearsal for a musical. I got a violent nosebleed in the middle of rehearsing and got blood all over my costume. I now owe $350 to the company for the damage I caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 79

Cyclist's drip

By buyouyou - 28/08/2021 12:01 - China - Beijing

Today, I cycled to the office in my new uniform pants. When I arrived an hour later, my sweat had already soaked through them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 784

By oh gee - 02/05/2016 05:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 281

You deserved it 5 249

By samboob - 01/09/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 091

You deserved it 44 416

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 10:14 - United States

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 3 134

By Poppleton99 - 11/02/2016 06:06 - United States - Cedar City

Today, I was hanging out with a friend out of state. He had some friends with him and we were all having a great time, until they found out I live in Utah. They instantly assumed I was Mormon and started to act weird around me. This is a frequent occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 161

You deserved it 1 962

By "Lifefail887" - 04/07/2017 18:30

Today, after buying a new pair of prescription glasses, I went to the beach. The ocean now has a new pair of glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 866

You deserved it 2 331

By Ouch - 20/05/2012 04:06 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 569

You deserved it 26 655

By kids next door - 18/11/2013 10:14 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 212

You deserved it 3 676

By Anonymous - 23/07/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 924

You deserved it 99 129

By awskme - 09/01/2010 00:36 - France

Spicy

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 638

You deserved it 28 301

By martin1022 - 05/10/2016 11:29 - United States

Today, recent construction has created a manhole that cars slam over every single morning. This normally starts at 4 a.m. as people make their early commute on my busy street. With every car that hits it, there's a huge echoing slamming noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 603

You deserved it 905

By sopathetic - 26/02/2009 04:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft..." He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina which delightfully formed a crease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 887

You deserved it 21 991

By heytherexo - 05/04/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 863

You deserved it 93 137

Parent-sanctioned violence

By Momma - 26/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 1 002

By bookworm - 08/06/2019 14:00

Today, I had a garage sale and sold some books I don't read anymore. A woman came up and yelled at me, saying I'd stolen one of the books from her house. I later found out that it was a distraction so that her boyfriend could steal my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 267

You deserved it 139

By ouch - 29/03/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 563

You deserved it 16 825

Money, Ethan

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 08:01

Today, I felt like working out again since it’s been a while. When I was done and talking to my wife about how good I felt afterwards, my 3 year-old came and patted my stomach and said, "Baby in there, baby in there." Yes, I feel so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 134

By I warned him - 19/12/2014 02:39 - United States - Marietta

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 030

You deserved it 4 614

Near the knuckle

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 05:01

Today, as a waitress I served someone who was hoping their food would come back faster than expected. I replied, “Fingers crossed!” just for the person to show me they had no hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 99

By hypocrite - 03/07/2012 16:43 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, my new boss gave everyone a lecture about sexual harassment in the workplace. Which would be fine if he'd been able to tear his gaze off my chest for more than a minute at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 694

You deserved it 3 849

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 01:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 240

You deserved it 6 015

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 14:54 - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 450

You deserved it 2 392

It's not what you think…

By sucks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserts dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that?" Then my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 877

You deserved it 158 676

By mlove - 06/09/2010 08:35 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 2 888

By an adorable devil - 21/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Houston

Today, my new bunny decided she is only going to eat carrots. If I put anything else in her food bowl, she viciously attacks the bowl until all of the food has spilled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 647

You deserved it 2 073

By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 775

You deserved it 4 917

By Anonymous - 22/07/2012 19:25 - United States - Nixa

Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 847

You deserved it 33 735

By singingintherain - 01/07/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 846

You deserved it 678

By Former Professor - 21/07/2019 22:00

Today, I happily went to an interview after job searching for months. I learned a large part of my job would be cleaning the toilets. Every. Single. Hour. I used to lecture at a university until budget cuts happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 174

Shit, dude

By Johnny on the Spot - 12/02/2009 17:19 - United States

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 316

You deserved it 2 288

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Top comments

azouwa 26

Friday 11 May 2018 20:10

Pregnancy test should clear the air... That's just to get you off the hook with your mom (or confirm) no matter how it turns out you'll want to make an appt with a gyno/obgyn. Sorry OP, but unless you're pregnant or on a birth control... that shit ain't normal. Unless... you're malnourished.

nentenkupo 16

Thursday 17 May 2018 8:35

The fact that you missed 3 periods means you should go to the doctor, pregnant or not

Comments

azouwa 26

Friday 11 May 2018 20:10

Pregnancy test should clear the air... That's just to get you off the hook with your mom (or confirm) no matter how it turns out you'll want to make an appt with a gyno/obgyn. Sorry OP, but unless you're pregnant or on a birth control... that shit ain't normal. Unless... you're malnourished.

Callyn 47

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Friday 11 May 2018 22:49

She's 15, quite a lot of teenagers have irregular periods. At 15, she should probably be seeing an OB/GYN anyway but it's not really that alarming for a 15 year old girl to have an irregular period, even one this irregular.

bluejello2001 17

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 15:30

Exactly. It's not unusual to have an irregular period, especially while still in your teens. Half the reason I went on the pill was because I was done with not knowing if it'd be 3 weeks or 3 months between my periods.

boopingsnoot 24

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 16:54

My aunt started the pill at 14 because her first period lasted 2 months and showed no sign of stopping!

esra99 12

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 20:12

Actually, for younger girls to miss few months is VERY normal, both me and my little sister had super irregular periods our first few years but it sorts itself out around your 20s

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Thursday 24 May 2018 4:12

Well it is. She can be just irregular.

Amanda G Rich 23

Friday 25 May 2018 17:41

Not always true. I used to be super fit and active and never got periods even though I ate plenty (practically everything in the house haha).

interesting33 36

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Friday 11 May 2018 20:28

yeah she is out of order and you should see the school nurse or a doctor becsuse that is not usual so you want to get it checked out. Take care OP

T3chie 13

Wednesday 23 May 2018 20:28

Actually for a 15 year old, it’s 100% normal :)

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Friday 25 May 2018 1:30

My apology, I misclicked and hit the thumbs down button. You are correct about the starting-periods thing. Another thing that might be going on with her is a hormone thing or something else with the ovaries. I skipped periods until I was 16 then constantly would bleed for months and skip for months because of PCOS. This was discovered when I was 18 but at least there were the pills for it...

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Friday 25 May 2018 10:42

Thyroid issues and endometriosis can cause it too. Combined, it’s extra fun.

nentenkupo 16

Thursday 17 May 2018 8:35

The fact that you missed 3 periods means you should go to the doctor, pregnant or not

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 15:15

What the hell is wrong with your mom? She should know there are various reasons for having irregular periods. Some people just never have them regularly. A normal reaction would be "You should go to gynecologist".

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 15:29

Mary had the same problem with her mom. You could be having the next Jesus!

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 16:24

Virgin birth came to my mind too lol

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 16:34

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Zekfen 17

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 16:35

I think I saw that porno once.

boopingsnoot 24

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 16:58

The hymen doesn’t actually work that way. If she’s old enough to be menstruating, it will have been eroded by her own hormones (except for some painful medical conditions). And that’s even before factoring in her playing sports or using tampons! TL;DR - you fail biology

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Friday 25 May 2018 20:31

Except it's not 1893 anymore and we know that hymans don't necessarily prove anything.

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Friday 25 May 2018 20:32

Except it's not 1893 anymore and we know that hymans don't necessarily prove anything.

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 16:45

I use a birth control shot that last for 3 months and it stops them could it be something like that?

WhatHappenedToIt 22

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 22:53

not everyone reacts the same way to the shot. I have two friends, both sisters, one had them stop it and the other had her period for the entire time the chemical was in her system.

doodlesmcnoodles 18

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Thursday 24 May 2018 4:56

I'm on the shot. haven't had a period in three years. best choice I ever made. my cramps were HORRIBLE.

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 17:27

If your mom thinks you’re pregnant, she should make you an ob/gyn appointment to check on it anyway...where it will become obvious you aren’t pregnant. A doctor’s pregnancy test carries more weight than home tests, especially for someone as irrational as your mother

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 18:11

Have you been to a male friends house and sat near his PC wearing a skirt? If so, you may be pregnant from residual masturbation semen seeping through your panties.

I'veRunOuttaPatience 11

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Wednesday 23 May 2018 18:13

I didn't have regular periods until after I was 20. Before that, I would always skip a month or two, especially if I was engaging in a lot of physical activity playing sports. I once went as long as 5 months with no period. I suggest you see a doctor, but everything should be fine. Talk to your mom and ask to prove that you're not pregnant.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 15

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 101