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August 2016

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Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

by Maddii1112 / 08/10/2016 at 3:28pm / United States / Love

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML

by Anonymoose / 08/19/2016 at 4:06pm / Miscellaneous

Today, at my hotel, I spent over an hour dumpster diving trying to locate a pair of shorts for a spoiled brat that one of the cleaning staff accidentally threw away. When I finally found and returned them to the family, the father insisted they weren't the right ones. Spent all day smelling of trash. FML

by Downinthedumps / 08/14/2016 at 6:44pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I was wondering why my cheap and overall great apartment had been available for so long. After some research, it's now pretty clear: my landlord is, apparently, a well-known slumlord. FML

Today, I spent nearly seven hours clearing out our storage room in order to transform it into my art studio. Things were going great until I tweaked my back. At least from my stationary position in bed I have a perfect view of the table I can't work at for the next 2 to 4 weeks. FML

by ArtistBlock / 08/17/2016 at 3:54am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

by Jack / 08/08/2016 at 8:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my husband peeing on the floor. He managed to pee in two open clothes drawers and on the pants I was going to wear to work tomorrow. Before I left earlier he promised he wouldn't get smashed tonight. FML

by PeeEverywhere / 08/11/2016 at 1:48am / Love

Today, my boyfriend bought me Cards Against Humanity because he thinks it would give me some motivation to make friends since I only have one and need three to play. Sad thing is, he's right. FML

by ellieinc / 08/07/2016 at 11:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I like finally called to ask me to go grab a drink with him. I just moved six hours away. FML

by funnyhowthatwork / 08/17/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

by nt121511 / 08/03/2016 at 6:40pm / Love

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and am single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

by aurelj1 / 08/03/2016 at 3:59pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

by BatBee / 08/02/2016 at 10:29pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2016 at 11:43am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous