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Today, after a few weeks of my dad setting up glue traps in the garage to trap mice, I found out what it's like to have a pigeon wander in and get its foot stuck on one. FML

by Axelerate / 12/04/2014 at 6:09am / United States (Nevada) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked downstairs in a new outfit, after dieting for 3 months, and losing just over 20 pounds. My mom took one look at me and said "You'd better keep going." FML

by Noname / 02/25/2009 at 5:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

by ~JESSICA~ / 09/11/2010 at 2:19am / United States / Transportation

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

by Bec / 07/25/2011 at 10:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML

by Madi / 11/30/2011 at 12:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

by wtf is wrong with my country / 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 5:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2013 at 12:10am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

by Heart-Broken / 04/08/2015 at 9:58pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous by that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

by it's awkward / 08/11/2015 at 12:22pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2009 at 10:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

by OMGraven / 02/19/2010 at 3:24am / United States (Georgia) / Animals