Animals: Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic....

By Halloweenie - 16/10/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 077

You deserved it 5 422

Animals

Dysfunctional

He's such a character!

Egg mode

Romantic gesture

By Anonymous - 19/01/2020 18:00

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 237

You deserved it 252

By allisonpaige21 - 18/06/2015 22:31 - United States - Quitman

Today, I found out that my grandparents are going to take my car away and sell it because they're pissed I'm moving in with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 392

You deserved it 5 117

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 892

You deserved it 4 735

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 12:43 - Australia

Today, I got a new laptop for Christmas. The picture on the box showed a woman balancing it on one finger to show how light it was, so I tried it myself. I dropped my laptop, breaking the hard drive and putting a massive crack down the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 015

You deserved it 100 391

By Michaelichael - 28/03/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148 238

You deserved it 11 674

By Scarlett - 16/02/2013 06:03 - Canada - Barrie

Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 724

You deserved it 3 586

Thanks, I hate it!

By poorkids - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Auburn

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 323

You deserved it 4 128

By MorganRox26 - 31/12/2009 16:52 - Canada

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 480

You deserved it 3 029

By Anonymous - 29/12/2014 19:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 054

You deserved it 3 586

By Anonymous - 02/05/2018 19:00

Today, I introduced myself, Pete, to my new coworkers at a shipyard. An hour into my shift, everyone started calling me re-Pete because I have a bit of a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 740

You deserved it 304

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 00:23 - United States

Today, I was so insecure, I got scared of what people might think of my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 595

You deserved it 6 022

By Anonymous - 23/04/2017 14:00

Today, the main cause of my recent boost in anxiety is in fact the amount of debt that going to a therapist in the first place has put me in. I guess he did help me find the main cause of my emotional issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 920

You deserved it 415

By HoHoSnow - 09/12/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 787

You deserved it 2 190

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 23:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 917

You deserved it 5 489

By Brit - 16/12/2011 08:50 - Reserved

Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 271

You deserved it 6 838

By ash - 13/06/2011 03:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 406

You deserved it 6 991

Good night, sleep tight

By jjkk - 23/01/2021 05:02

Today, I have been trying to stop sleeping during the day, so I decided to clean my room to keep myself awake. Four hours later, I woke up on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 110

By bluep313 - 18/09/2015 17:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the real cause of what I assumed was a healthy increase in my teenage daughter's appetite lately. Some fine young gentlemen with a fat fetish convinced her start gaining weight so they could jack off to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 874

You deserved it 2 016

By whale14 - 06/06/2019 16:00

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 212

By Coley - 29/01/2009 22:46 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 889

You deserved it 3 607

By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, my electricity went out. The electric company said it was because the bill was at least 4 months overdue. Apparently, I have been paying for my roommate to go out and party for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 689

You deserved it 4 003

By clothesthief - 03/04/2015 10:44 - Australia - Ivanhoe

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 673

You deserved it 3 909

By nikki - 04/08/2012 20:05 - Greece - K

Today, what I thought would be a romantic sleepover with the guy I like quickly turned into hell on earth when his girlfriend showed up. I had to scale the fire escape in my underwear so I could get back to my car in one piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 870

You deserved it 36 349

Man whore

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 07:58

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 2 357

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 067

You deserved it 6 200

Zoomed out

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 23:00

Today, I had a low blood sugar attack and almost passed out during class while over Zoom, which my professor then decided to bring attention to by calling me out for "sighing" about the research paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 145

By AgentOrion - 29/08/2014 04:16 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 188

You deserved it 5 889

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 16:04

Today, despite being the fittest member of my family, with a good exercise routine and a decent diet, I'm the only one who was just diagnosed with diabetes. Meanwhile, the rest of my family are fat, lazy slobs who eat like shit, but are otherwise healthy as horses FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 246

By spider-sarah - 08/10/2016 09:35 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 808

You deserved it 2 067

By Laci - 30/04/2011 17:50 - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 755

You deserved it 23 129

By ilovecowboys - 26/02/2010 09:09 - New Zealand

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 810

You deserved it 7 011

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 18:59 - United States

Today, I was just a few days away from starting the training for my promotion to management, which involved a healthy pay raise and full time benefits. Today, news came down that the company is filing for bankruptcy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 312

You deserved it 1 561

Life choices

By Jim - 25/12/2020 02:01

Today, my mom is coming to pick up the Christmas presents we got for her and her husband. She won’t come inside or come within 6 feet, so she can be healthy when she goes down to the ex-wife’s parents house to hang out. The ex in-laws that hate me. Glad my mom chose them over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 107

Money for whining

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 23:59 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I realized I get paid to hear my boss complain and talk crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 104

Anxiety

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 08:02 - Germany

Today, and for the last 5 days, I’ve been waking up between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. Perfect time to get into work early, right? Except I’ve been unemployed for months and the one thing I’m trying to work on is my lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 113

By heartbroken - 09/09/2013 07:19 - United States - Cupertino

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 585

You deserved it 4 508

New deal

By Anonymous - 05/01/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "No", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "Deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 612

You deserved it 265

By Jason - 24/12/2017 19:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that conducting CPR and saving a man's life means nothing if you break his ribs. He is suing me for $10,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 390

You deserved it 401

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 20:43 - Isle of Man

Today, I was lying on the sofa when the phone rang. I jumped up to answer in time. I knocked over my laptop, and kicked my guitar into a glass causing it to smash. It was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 581

You deserved it 11 864

SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 14:00 - United States - Verona

Today, it was one of those days when my housemates thinks they can bug me every five minutes when I'm trying to work from home. Doing this or talking about that, wrecking my train of thought on complicated work until it's a railyard of disaster. Is it five o'clock yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 87

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Top comments

TJPM69 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:35

dude that sucks, i hate spiders sooo much

MiddleChild08 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:57

I would have totally freaked out, because I am terrified of spiders. But weren't they moving while you were carrying the box? Or did they think "Hey, let's stay still so that he thinks we are fake, and when we get to the living room we can escape!"...

TJPM69 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:35

dude that sucks, i hate spiders sooo much

Starchild21 3

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Friday 16 October 2009 19:24

Spiders are awesome. How the hell can anyone not like them? I bet you guys would kill the spider in Charlotte's Web lol bunch of murderers __________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99

Ajjas013 6

Saturday 17 October 2009 0:11

Now you have to deal with those suckers.

Lasagnaa 24

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Friday 22 February 2013 9:48

Why would anyone ever have a box of spiders in the first place?? Sorry OP. If I were you, I would drown my place with bug spray.

boatkicker 4

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:36

See spiders don't bother me, but this is hilarious. thank you.

OhMyGodOx 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:36

Ahaha, Poor Youu, I'm Majorly Exited About Halloween>> Schoolgirl ;) x

ChunAsperEndao 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 20:58

ddrluna 2

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:39

I'd have shat bricks. Ewww.

etantao 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:43

you're a manly man!

lrb081 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:43

Common sense tells you that if you want something protected, put it in a protective box! I have years worth of Halloween, Christmas and Easter decorations that are in plastic boxes with snap lids and I've never had anything get in the boxes that wasn't supposed to be in the box to begin with.

f_alltheirlives 3

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:52

Wow! Thank you Martha Stewart

JohnE3 0

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Saturday 17 October 2009 0:29

I laughed.

DGross 8

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Monday 8 February 2010 19:46

I thought of a certain SNL spoof about boxes and what to put in them. OP: That sucks, esp if you hate spiders

jchansfan 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:54

CALLING ALL SPIDER RIDERS! :D ... ... I never actually watched that show... o_O'

MiddleChild08 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:57

alwaysalady 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 17:02

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! How horrible! I would have had a freaking coronary, right freaking there. I had a freaking mini-stroke just reading that!

jchansfan 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 17:10

You would not last in the desert.

SimpleSimon 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 17:28

Freaking froop, dude!

Kgirl2cute 6

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Sunday 14 March 2010 6:13

#11 - AGREED!!

FerrariCake 2

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Friday 16 October 2009 17:03

Spiders are more afraid of people than we are of them. Every year, millions of spiders are killed by people but barely any people are killed by spiders (and then only in remote regions... and do we really care about those people anyway?) Please, help save the spiders. Send your donation to my "help the spiders" fund. Fully tax deductible.