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Sunday 2 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML

#21049461
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47291) - you deserved it (6397)

On 02/03/2014 at 4:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37183) - you deserved it (6509)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52831) - you deserved it (5293)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML

#21047394
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41764) - you deserved it (4253)

On 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm - work - by TwistedCherub1 (woman) - United States

Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML

#21043231
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49050) - you deserved it (3834)

On 01/28/2014 at 5:36pm - work - by soon to be unemployed (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

#21041659
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50805) - you deserved it (4257)

On 01/27/2014 at 9:40am - animals - by mac - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

#21050703
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50848) - you deserved it (5160)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm - love - by BigLove (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

#21052729
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48489) - you deserved it (5700)

On 02/06/2014 at 8:32pm - health - by sashimi9999 - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

#21042693
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42899) - you deserved it (5459)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:22am - animals - by Pooper scooper - Guam

Today, I was bitched out at 2am by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML

#21048094
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44341) - you deserved it (3856)

On 02/02/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

#21054270
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40202) - you deserved it (6971)

On 02/08/2014 at 10:12am - misc - by grandma - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36975) - you deserved it (15634)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)



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