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Sunday 2 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

#21046882
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48963) - you deserved it (3753)

On 02/01/2014 at 2:47am - misc - by ccgundum (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41606) - you deserved it (6388)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51735) - you deserved it (5202)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)

Today, I was breast feeding my son. Out of nowhere, he bit my nipple hard, causing me to scream in pain. He giggled with my nipple still between his teeth. FML

Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML

#21055088
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41898) - you deserved it (12073)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:12am - love - by look before you speak - United States

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35895) - you deserved it (6349)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

#21050703
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47671) - you deserved it (4868)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm - love - by BigLove (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

#21043113
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50475) - you deserved it (4041)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by Order of the Dangling Testicles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

#21043493
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43988) - you deserved it (3609)

On 01/28/2014 at 10:09pm - work - by smileydays - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35712) - you deserved it (15177)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

#21042087
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53580) - you deserved it (4476)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:09pm - health - by knobbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

#21048030
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36802) - you deserved it (7238)

On 02/02/2014 at 11:13am - misc - by LarissaT18 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML

#21053454
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51138) - you deserved it (3799)

On 02/07/2014 at 3:30pm - health - by ... - United States (Illinois)



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