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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

#21112140
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41164) - you deserved it (4763)

On 04/13/2014 at 6:16pm - misc - by -.- - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

#21110266
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41668) - you deserved it (3086)

On 04/11/2014 at 12:38pm - misc - by Cuntlette (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that the April Fool's Day prank my girlfriend and best friend played on me was not a joke, and that they actually did sleep together. FML

#21111038
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46836) - you deserved it (3505)

On 04/12/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by gullible (man) - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

#21113585
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48528) - you deserved it (3791)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:01am - love - by cricha4208 - United States (Missouri)

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

#21123022
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36283) - you deserved it (2967)

On 04/25/2014 at 9:21pm - work - by stickyservice (woman) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

Today, my little brother put a battery to my tongue while I was sleeping with my mouth open. The shock found its way right to my metal filling. FML

#21123309
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41813) - you deserved it (3598)

On 04/26/2014 at 7:36am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML

#21125451
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36344) - you deserved it (4588)

On 04/28/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Cat vs. Dog - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML

#21121712
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36666) - you deserved it (4994)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:28am - kids - by missmom83 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

#21124429
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36948) - you deserved it (5683)

On 04/27/2014 at 3:16pm - misc - by failureatlife - United States (Louisiana)

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

#21125786
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45270) - you deserved it (3531)

On 04/28/2014 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

#21101967
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39573) - you deserved it (11197)

On 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by someone (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, disappointed with my results on a mathematics test, I went over it and realized my teacher had added up the marks incorrectly, leaving me with 17% less than I earned. The person who's supposed to be teaching me math can't even perform basic arithmetic. FML

#21101903
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40324) - you deserved it (3664)

On 04/01/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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