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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

#20609675
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54204) - you deserved it (3949)

On 04/21/2013 at 8:26am - misc - by gamerguru13 - United States (New York)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77617) - you deserved it (9355)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

#20620111
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64151) - you deserved it (13433)

On 04/25/2013 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Live Sweet -

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

#20570526
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39330) - you deserved it (2566)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm - money - by haku4u (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

#20576602
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46346) - you deserved it (7983)

On 04/05/2013 at 8:13pm - kids - by easteryegg (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

#20628087
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53408) - you deserved it (6571)

On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50488) - you deserved it (11235)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

#20629727
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37460) - you deserved it (3129)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

#20625307
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54133) - you deserved it (3577)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

#20619241
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48215) - you deserved it (4036)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:18pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

#20581880
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68839) - you deserved it (10917)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - intimacy - by saywhat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

#20577137
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37674) - you deserved it (6828)

On 04/06/2013 at 4:51am - health - by aaaaahhhh (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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