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By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 12:00

Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 110

By Loved - 25/05/2019 16:15

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 637

You deserved it 216

By Awkward Jeff - 26/05/2019 12:30

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 798

No shit

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 11:00 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 235

By badass - 13/08/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 431

You deserved it 18 379

I'm not getting paid enough for this shit

By Username - 20/10/2010 18:08 - France

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

You deserved it 3 499

By Anonymous - 12/12/2016 04:33 - United States - Yuma

Today, after buying hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents, my transmission blew up on the interstate heading home. Now, I either have to return the gifts or not drive over 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 317

You deserved it 988

My eyes! My eyes!

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 05:47 - United States - Sanford

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 358

You deserved it 6 437

By hc11bmd - 19/06/2012 17:20 - United States - Bethel

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 480

You deserved it 55 203

Rain check?

By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 15:00

Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 2 032

By Anonymous - 30/05/2013 15:20 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 100

You deserved it 4 377

Responsible adult

By baddaughter - 16/11/2009 17:11 - Canada

Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 232

You deserved it 41 670

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 05:28 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boyfriend of ten months that I'm not ready for marriage. A few hours later he proposed at my grandma's 85th birthday party. She cried when I said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 810

You deserved it 11 653

By Anonymous - 07/10/2015 17:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother hugged me for the first time. Turns out he was patting me down to make sure I didn't have cigarettes. Love you too, bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 830

You deserved it 2 669

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 957

You deserved it 8 234

Bored to death

By squarecircles - 15/06/2019 10:46 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 565

Fly my beauties

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 151

You deserved it 5 517

By BellinaNico - 25/05/2013 04:40 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I called my fiancé just to tell him how much I love him, as a sweet gesture. He yelled at me for interrupting his video game and blamed my "neediness" on the fact that I'm menstruating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 695

You deserved it 8 312

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 01:16 - United States

Today, we were building the homecoming float, the theme is Seasons of Love. We went around the yard and put random leaves on the float. My friend's dad looked at the float and said, "You do realize that's poison ivy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 814

You deserved it 30 312

Nice…

By MexyBoy - 11/06/2019 16:08

Today, I wanted to do something nice for my mom. So, while she was sleeping, I cleaned the whole house for her and even made her breakfast. A few minutes later, she came downstairs and yelled at me to keep it down because she was trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 307

By eric4 - 23/05/2013 20:11 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 480

You deserved it 4 374

By fernie vazquez - 10/06/2012 09:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 381

You deserved it 20 510

By Username - 03/08/2011 14:33 - United States

Today, I got an anonymous letter, stating my condo's community and all my neighbors can hear me having sex. Not only that, but kids gather around my window to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 705

You deserved it 37 626

By FereldonBorn - 01/10/2015 10:41 - United States - Roseville

Today, my dog was all over me, and I couldn't help but notice she kept sniffing towards my boobs. Turns out, she wasn't there to get love from me. She was there for a piece of food that I didn't notice had fallen in my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 487

You deserved it 4 094

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 01:57 - United States

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 990

You deserved it 6 004

By Anonymous - 22/06/2019 18:02

Today, I offered to help my mother-in-law boil noodles for some noodle soup. She loudly said, "You know how!?" I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 149

By chippuh - 26/04/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 851

You deserved it 3 121

Toxic masculinity

By Bishop - 06/06/2012 14:19

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 354

You deserved it 6 657

By Anonymous - 25/06/2019 05:00

Today, I was running with two other women when a guy started tailing us in his car and catcalling. I quickly got fed up and gave him the finger. Turns out, he's the husband of one of the women I was running with. For the next half hour, I had to listen to her go on about how adorable he was. She totally saw what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 392

By GoodbyeNewJob - 17/11/2016 18:00

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 974

You deserved it 3 751

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The Top

Today, my sister and I had a bonding moment. It consisted of me plucking her chin hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 989

You deserved it 5 607

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 721

You deserved it 4 835

Today, I checked for the third time this week if my package that 'arrived' five days ago had been found. Not only was it a different employee at the concierge desk, meaning I had to explain everything again, but they told me the same bullshit about how it's "not their fault". The package is my new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 778

You deserved it 330

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 341

You deserved it 433

Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 590

You deserved it 2 420

Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 569

You deserved it 25 781