By Me - 03/06/2013 05:32 - United States - Homer Glen

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML
I agree, your life sucks 89 468
You deserved it 3 907

Same thing different taste

Top comments

That must have been a horrible thing to tell her.

angelofmusic113 9


Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Yes, awkward. Everyone was hilariously ill at ease and OP proceeded to do the awkward turtle.

B_CeouL 12

Seriously whoever press ydi has no heart. Sad :-(

People who pressed on ydi are brainless, and should be banished from this planet. Im very sorry for your loss OP. May your aunt's soul rest in peace!

OP didn't have to tell her it was her own daughter. When my great aunt had Alzheimer's, she'd ask my grandmother everyday where her husband was. My grandmother never told her he was dead; she told her he was at work. It was less painful for everyone. That's common practice with Alzheimer's patients. OP could have made up any name on Earth.

I don't think you understand what "awkward" means. wasn't awkward, it was very happy and everyone was ******** rainbows and hugging unicorns...

#83, you're not as funny as you think.

86 - yeah, sorry, bad idea to have written something like that in an FML like this one. Sorry everyone :(

@70: While it may have been less painful, OP still doesn't deserve being told they deserve it. While the truth was incredibly painful, there are some people who cannot handle telling lies like that. (I would feel guilty for weeks if I lied about a persons death, even if it was to spare a person from feeling depressed)

It's not the same as telling a lie. The thing with dementia diseases is that the brain starts to waste away, so to speak (can't really think of a good explanation), and the memory's from long ago start to become the current events for these people. Telling them, EVERYDAY, that what they know is not reality is very exhausting, very hard for the patients as well and quite useless anyway. Because within hours, they could've forgotten it again and so they will have to learn over and over again that certain people are dead and that things are not as they think they are. How would you feel if you had to deal with the message that your partner died, 3 times a day, and like it is the first time you heard it? Therefor it is a commonly used accompaniment style which is easier for the care takers and nicer for the patient.

That must have been a horrible thing to tell her.

rg350dx 29

I can't even begin to fathom how to explain that to my grandmother once and OP will probably have to do it more than that considering her grandmother has severe memory problems. That's awful.

This has to be one of the saddest fmls I've ever read. I don't understand anyone who would click the YDI button.

**** those people who hit the YDI button

Yeah, no one should be put into a situation like that. I'm so sorry you had to do that.

No parent wants to know that their child died before them. It's one of the most horrific things to hear. Sorry OP you had to convey those news to her.

People are probably clicking YDI because OP shouldn't have told her who the funeral was really for. Personally I don't think that's a good reason to say YDI, but I do think it would have been kinder for OP to say it was just an acquaintance rather than needlessly upsetting her grandmother, since she'll just forget again anyway.

ise3 10

I see your point but I don't think it's needless. Shielding people from death is something we do for children. Doing it to grown adults just debases their dignity. And saying she will just forget again was somewhat callous of you.

Oooh no, that's so sad and must of been really awkward thing to tell her...

angelofmusic113 9
Damian95 16

Lay down, try not to cry, cry a lot. :'(

Very rarely does an fml make me choke up, but this one brought tears to my eyes, such a sad thing to have to go through..

I'm sorry for your loss! I can't imagine trying to explain that.

Am I the only one who feels this exclamation mark misplaced if the intended comment was meant to be empathetic? Op, sorry for your loss, heartbreaking fml, may your aunt be at peace.

vuragado 10

The guy above me sure know's how to be a grammar dick in the wrong situations.

I'm not being a grammar dick I just don't see how a death is something you should be so excited about! The fun side of telling your grandma her daughter died!

Here is the definition. A punctuation mark (!) used after a sentence that expresses a strong emotion.

Also, an exclamation point isn't just used to express excitement. Yes, that's the most common form but believe it or not it has other uses. Instead of being so hung up on that one exclamation mark, go do something productive.

It is used to express strong emotion but NOT remorse, don't pretend you gave a shit about OP's loss. There's such a thing called etiquette and you have none.

Nederlander95 14

As a matter of fact, it IS fairly commonly used to express remorse. I don't know where is god's name you got the idea that it doesn't.

rg350dx 29

Goddamn, that is depressing. I'm sorry for your loss OP.

As horrible as that might have been to explain, at least you know she won't remember it for very long.

And then has to have it explained again.

Or, they could just not tell her again. (After the funeral is over of course.) When she asks, "Where's Anna?" They could just say, "She went to the store, Grandma. She'll be back in a few hours." I'm not trying to be funny here. I'm just saying that it would probably be better for her to live in blissful ignorance than to have to deal with the shock of losing her daughter every day and never being able to get over it because her daughter's death is always news to her.

That's what we do with my Granny whenever she asks about someone who has passed. To her, everyone she ever lost is alive and well. Why put her through the trauma every day?

That's what we had to do with my nanny in the months before she died. Her husband had passed away about 20 years ago but she couldn't remember that and was constantly asking for him. After the first few times of telling the truth and having her break into heartbroken sobbing fits, we realized it was kinder for everyone to just say he went to work or the store and he'd be back soon.

Lennes 12

My father suffers from Alzheimer's. I wish my empathy could further surpass my experience, but I can understand how difficult it must have been for her not to have remembered the death of her daughter and horrible for you to have to re-break the news. My condolences.

This just happened to my boyfriend's grandma. She has Alzheimers also and her and her husband were in the nursing home, in the same room and everything when her husband died. The day of the funeral, she asked us where he was at and we had to explain everything to her again. She ended up attending the funeral for about 10 minutes before we had to take her back to the nursing home. So heartbreaking. So sorry for your loss OP.

Sometimes it's easier to just say 'he's at the shop' x

Explaining it & seeing her heart break all over again... I can't imagine doing that. Sorry for your family's loss OP.

How do fmls like these get any ydis? "YDI for not shoving your grandmother and running for the exit"??? It does suck OP and I'm sorry for your loss.

I would assume people vote YDI for one of two reasons: 1. They clicked it by accident 2. They're a 13-year-old boy trying to be edgy

Or they're trying to earn the "YDI" badge.