Love: Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no...

By Queen_of_Night - 27/10/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 302

You deserved it 6 551

Love

Best teeth in the game

Hiding from the drama

Scratch that itch

Investing in the future

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 23:00 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, after years of being underpaid, I received my first paycheck at my new job. My new employer offers excellent benefits and a 401k. But after I invest in all these wonderful things, and after a $4 an hour pay increase, my net income is less than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 148

By jhulich - 24/12/2013 20:48 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 655

You deserved it 3 269

By KrazyKill - 09/03/2012 19:04 - Canada

Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 981

You deserved it 74 849

By ImprovTeacher - 16/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 2 271

By caempa - 29/12/2010 18:13 - Australia

Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 771

You deserved it 13 607

Ed Shitran

By Lucky Willis - 16/10/2021 05:00 - United States - Sebring

Today, I wrote a song for my ex-girlfriend, hoping maybe we could give it another try. I emailed it to her and went about my day, wondering if she would respond. About six hours later, a deputy knocks on my door and serves me with an order of protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 327

By Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 022

You deserved it 5 805

By Nyquilwtf - 23/09/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 846

You deserved it 2 506

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 798

You deserved it 45 818

Smart

By mother of a complete idiot - 16/03/2021 21:30

Today, my daughter left a plate of food in her room for two hours. When I yelled at her about ants, her response was, "But I thought it took DAYS for ants to show up!" I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 805

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 05:14 - United States - Phoenix

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 561

You deserved it 4 705

By MrsGrinch - 07/12/2018 14:00

Today, I’d finally saved up enough to buy flights home for Christmas. After putting in the info several times, it wouldn’t work, so my husband decided to try and “help.” Not only did he buy flights to the wrong place, but now I have to wait another 5-7 days to be refunded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 624

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 911

You deserved it 6 108

Shady

By NotFamily - 22/03/2021 19:59

Today, my boyfriend blocked me on Facebook. He said he's restricting it to only close family and cousins. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 93

By Sofi - 21/08/2018 06:00

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 2 844

By me - 09/08/2011 03:43 - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 336

You deserved it 7 339

By anonymous - 14/07/2015 17:28 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 083

You deserved it 2 620

By Anonymous - 25/09/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 856

You deserved it 3 922

By anonymous - 17/12/2013 05:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 989

You deserved it 3 701

By ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass - 25/05/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 009

You deserved it 5 493

By Anonymous - 02/05/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 364

You deserved it 87 869

By so_this_is_me - 13/08/2015 17:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 787

You deserved it 3 521

By anon mom - 12/05/2016 00:06 - United States - Manassas

Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 664

You deserved it 953

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 05:04 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 761

You deserved it 4 937

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 09:11 - United States - Sanford

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 148

You deserved it 6 822

By arse-face - 28/06/2013 23:22 - Ireland - Caher

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 920

You deserved it 4 851

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 16:57 - United States - Avon

Today, there was an issue with the sewage system at work. It smelled like somebody took a turd, left it in the sun to marinate, threw up on it, then put in the air conditioning to fill the store with nauseating stink. I nearly threw up multiple times because we weren't allowed to leave early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 236

You deserved it 1 365

By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 05:25 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 870

You deserved it 1 952

By SensitiveTech - 26/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was loving on a dog at work. I noticed her fur was coarse and short and I'd never felt anything like it before. I broke out in hives all over my face. This happens whenever I'm around any cats, guinea pigs, or rabbits and now some dogs apparently. I'm in school to be a vet tech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 614

You deserved it 458

By "ravensarepurple" - 31/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got my new cooker delivered and installed. I followed the instructions in the manual, emptied it out and turned the oven up full for 30 minutes. 20 minutes later, the inner glass shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 390

You deserved it 265

By Fattypatty - 09/07/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 272

You deserved it 58 187

By yuhan - 22/07/2018 19:00

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 810

You deserved it 491

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 829

You deserved it 41 001

By Anonymous - 23/04/2015 12:28 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 301

You deserved it 2 804

By Fmylife.25 - 03/09/2010 19:56 - United States

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 009

You deserved it 6 146

By Marteeny - 09/06/2016 03:14

Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 084

You deserved it 1 086

Never forget

By Mr.Hoof-In-Mouth - 13/08/2017 13:00

Today, I was talking to a customer needing IT help. I make small talk about how my birthday is on the same day the Boy Scouts were formed, and I tell the customer I am sure something interesting happened on his birthday. He gets quiet, then gives his birthday. September 11th. Cue the long silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 204

You deserved it 730

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 11:38 - United States - Salem

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 363

You deserved it 2 544

By Anonymous - 01/12/2013 06:07 - United States

Today, I reduced my psychologist to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 246

You deserved it 4 390

By emix - 17/06/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I had never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. I commented without thinking, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 107

You deserved it 66 682

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Top comments

bexox 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:51

If you got that excited over a hug, you need to re-evaluate your relationship. You two don't cuddle or hug? Ever?

Savvysass 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:36

Dear Op: I hate you

dawgzor 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:29

LAST!!

seanreddog 4

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:47

No, you're first.

The_Pleb 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 2:09

Look on the brightside, your boyfriend isnt lazy and is also a bitch. This is a rarity in males so count yourself as lucky. Tell him to get into the kitchen and make you a sammich.

dcbog123 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 3:43

dont be stupid pleb, its obviously her fault for being stupid, she should apologized and make HIM a sandwich, rub his feet, and lose some weight.

Thesacred 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 8:26

oh my god that made my day

americayay 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:33

So you thought your boyfriend was hugging you, but he wasn't. Do they even HAVE moderators on here anymore?

imperfectclarity 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:37

I was going to say something very similar. Seriously...f this person's life.

liveBabylon 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:56

I know :( I'm just going to stop reading fml it's just too stupid. And I've put brutal FML's that have messed me up for life. And they were denied . Like waking up to my brother fucking my best friend, On the my bed that I was asleep on. How is that not an FML?

seanreddog 4

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 1:16

It's not funny enough.

thyaftermath 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 1:19

DUDE I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU. I mean wow who the fuck cares if he was reaching for the remote?? I mean is this tragic , funny, interesting in the slightest way?? Is it worth publishing on the front page of such a popular website. Bitch I hope fucks you in the ass with that remote

jaysweet112197 8

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Sunday 24 April 2011 14:19

thats so gross!:o

Savvysass 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:36

Dear Op: I hate you

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:37

Don't get between a man and his remote! And we won't get between you and your phone.

metheonlyb 17

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:47

Precisely put!

AtoZnumbersand_ 1

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 2:20

Wow. I know a lot of these aren't truely going to fuck someones life up. It's not like I come here expecting to read "Today, my wife and son died in a car accident. I was in the backseat and lost both my legs. The police have arrested me for murder. FML." But this isn't nearly close to an FML. This is a FABSMLWAA. For A Brief Second My Life Was Almost Awkward. This wouldn't even get accepted on MLIA. Atleast other FML's that arent going to really fuck someones life provide some kind of humour. This is the worst FML i've ever read.

americayay 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:39

weedking 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:40

Mmm. Tv.

bexox 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:51

If you got that excited over a hug, you need to re-evaluate your relationship. You two don't cuddle or hug? Ever?

Shuntbob 8

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Saturday 6 January 2018 22:26

You don't need to cuddle or hug in a relationship. Some people aren't comfortable with the physical affection and they deserve to be respected.

Veritas143 0

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Wednesday 28 October 2009 0:51

So he didn't say, "I'm breaking up with you" or "I hate you" or maybe, "Get in the kitchen and make me a sammich or get the fuck out!"...he just said that he was reaching for the remote.. OP I might just kill you tonight..