The Top

Hey update for everyone: I decided "surprise" my mother and sister by inviting my new boyfriend over for dinner but didnt say who it was. When he came through the door and I introduced him as my boyfriend they stared shocked at me realizing that they had put their feet in their mouths. And just to add a little more salt to their wounds, I kissed him, smiled sweetly at him and asked my sister and mother "So, what do you think of him again? Im sure he would like to know if you approve." Needless to say they got the hint that not only do I not have low self esteem but I am VERY PROUD to be his girlfriend lol btw they havent talked crap about him since!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 678

You deserved it 2 670

By fucking hell my eyes burn - 23/05/2014 22:46 - Germany

Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 385

You deserved it 6 012

Quick thinking

By rolyat - 01/05/2012 16:41 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 769

You deserved it 4 013

Differences

By Alone - 21/05/2014 11:05 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 423

You deserved it 12 901

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 06:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 941

You deserved it 6 937

Caught in 1080p

By wtf - 16/05/2014 22:25 - Australia - Narangba

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 669

You deserved it 15 012

By fmylife - 26/08/2010 10:09 - Malaysia

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 889

You deserved it 69 087

By lalanon - 03/04/2009 05:16 - Australia

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187 010

You deserved it 33 468

By gvmfvr - 08/05/2014 20:48 - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 47

By Bananapi - 10/09/2017 13:00

Today, my flatmate moved in with me. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, so did her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 242

By Anna L. - 25/03/2013 00:23 - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 187

You deserved it 6 593

Still married

By need not know - 19/01/2020 05:00

Today, while fixing my dad's phone, I saw Tinder installed. He's still married to my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 988

You deserved it 238

You won't know him, he goes to a different school

By jennavankirk - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year-olds about having a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 929

You deserved it 32 335

I'm a weirdo, I'm a creep

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 04:00 - Canada

Today, I was sitting behind some bushes in the dark enjoying the view, when some cops came and confiscated my night-vision goggles, then warned me for acting like a "creepy perv." FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 3 556

By 12incher - 15/03/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 639

You deserved it 42 737

By BetterThanWastingItIGuess - 11/11/2017 13:00 - Panama - Panama

Today, after almost a year of working two jobs, I managed to save up $2,000. I decided to treat myself to a week in Japan, but while walking to the Japanese Embassy to exchange my dollars for yen, I got robbed at gunpoint. I had the money in cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 740

You deserved it 818

By The_Unlucky1 - 19/07/2016 03:38

Today, I was going to bed when a cockroach crawled out from under my pillow. I wasn't too afraid of it, until I looked away. It's hour two, and I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 390

You deserved it 2 100

The_Unlucky1 tells us more.

The_Unlucky1 19

Tuesday 19 July 2016 21:42

Hey guys! Op here! So, Yeah, haven't been able to find it. I'm sending in my cats to try and look for it, wish me luck!

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had to purchase a new flat screen TV for the bar I work at. Last night I was dared to break an ashtray against the wall. I completely missed the wall and smashed the screen of the new TV they bought last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 641

You deserved it 48 064

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 827

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 953

You deserved it 62 410

Today, I got friendzoned by three different women. Each girl suggested I should ask out one of the other two women who also friendzoned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 310

You deserved it 10 937

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 488

You deserved it 56 352

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 449

You deserved it 6 549