The Top

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By wedding leper - 23/01/2016 05:25 - United States - Tucson

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 553

You deserved it 1 579

By Mini-wanker - 18/10/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 573

You deserved it 8 876

By anonymous - 22/01/2016 01:55 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 994

You deserved it 1 618

Cowboy contractors

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 05:01

Today, my recently built semi-detached house is so cheap and shoddily put together, I can both hear and feel the vibrations of my grossly obese neighbour farting in her sleep. No joke, every time she farts, I feel it vibrating my bed frame through the floorboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 191

By UKRukus - 18/01/2016 21:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I stopped a guy from running under a moving London bus. No-one else saw what happened. How did the guy thank me? He wanted to fight me because I made him miss the bus I just saved him from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 400

You deserved it 1 384

UKRukus tells us more.

UKRukus 12

Wednesday 20 January 2016 4:57

It was not a routemaster. im a londoner too. i take risks crossing myself, but i know when you can do it, and when you cant. this guy didnt realise the bus was right behind him as he went to run out on the road. he wouldnt have made it. if he goes about catching buses like that every day, it defies science and logic as to how he is still alive.

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 17:47 - United States - Winona

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 757

You deserved it 16 293

By tiredofbullshit - 08/01/2016 06:06 - United States - Littleton

Today, my dad took my car keys off my keychain and hid them from me. His reasoning was, "I don't want you to be driving during the winter." Guess who has to walk ten miles a day to work, through the New England snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 673

You deserved it 1 670

By PillPopperApparently - 20/12/2018 12:00

Today, after constantly shaming me for my ADHD and anti-anxiety pills, my family finally convinced me to drop $250 on their trusted psychiatrist friend because they thought he’d talk me out of taking them. He recommended higher doses of everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 699

You deserved it 192

This guy how asks the wrong questions...

By Lewis - 22/12/2018 00:30 - France - Paris

I shouldn't have said that...

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 98

By horribleevening - 31/01/2019 22:00 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, my wife was sitting next to me surrounded by friends and she decided to start looking up the man that she had an affair on Facebook on her phone - all while I am sitting right next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 284

By Anonymous - 06/12/2015 15:36 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out that the $200 I reluctantly gave to my mother so she could rent a house was paid to a scammer. Now she wants to live with me, in my one bedroom apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 874

You deserved it 1 914

By Wtf - 10/07/2013 05:24 - United States - Miamisburg

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 115

You deserved it 4 202

By HateTheBus - 18/03/2019 02:00

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. I went to pull the cord to request a stop when the driver slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light, causing me to get thrown out of my seat and slide down the aisle and hit my head on a pole by the front of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 423

You deserved it 232

Don't feed the trolls

By jacobianscum - 29/11/2015 07:05 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 747

You deserved it 1 661

Helicopter parents

By sunny_funny - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I'm on a residential trip for 4 days with 72 children, 5 other staff, and 72 sets of parents who want to be on the phone to me constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 114

You deserved it 562

By KJL - 29/08/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 800

You deserved it 3 872

By Anonymous - 09/11/2015 00:18 - Netherlands

Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 272

You deserved it 3 186

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 209

You deserved it 3 416

By Concert Flatulent - 10/07/2012 04:44 - United States - Marshall

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 000

You deserved it 29 205

By Turtleizer567 - 24/12/2016 01:27

Today, after waiting several hours for my foreman to drop off material, I finally got a text back from him saying "Oh sorry, I totally forgot about you. I'm at the Christmas party." The Christmas party that no one told me about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 875

You deserved it 415

Turtleizer567 tells us more.

Turtleizer567 1

Sunday 25 December 2016 0:56

Thank you! You too. At least I know where I stand with the company now.

By Amithatevil - 29/08/2014 12:35 - Japan - Kawasaki

Today, my brother told my 3 year-old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 787

You deserved it 4 208

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 00:22

Today, a coworker told me I was "fat shaming" them by discussing weight loss with other coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 639

You deserved it 737

By ihatepizza - 21/12/2016 22:49 - United States - Aurora

Today, as a delivery driver, I have been stiffed in tips by three separate people because "a delivery fee is a tip, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 174

You deserved it 1 089

By tired of my job - 29/10/2015 08:33 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 137

You deserved it 1 388

By Jobless - 27/04/2017 14:00

Today, my new job e-mailed to tell me the role was no longer available, leaving me to start my job search all over again. My notice at my current job ends this week. But it's OK, because as compensation for my 'distress', the company sent £100 worth of vouchers... to the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 505

You deserved it 272

By Nick M - 19/12/2016 17:49

Today, my 18th birthday, I woke up vomiting with a temperature of 104 degrees. After I settled back in bed with some water, my mom said, "This is how you're supposed to feel on your 21st birthday, not your 18th." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 275

You deserved it 762

By Anonymous - 15/08/2014 21:35 - United States - Green Lane

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 947

You deserved it 56 619

By James - 12/08/2011 07:54 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 682

You deserved it 3 133

By failing - 16/10/2015 16:40 - United States - Greenbelt

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 433

You deserved it 1 549

Blast from the past

By fat_thighs - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I read a PostSecret that said, "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 944

You deserved it 11 993

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The Top

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 814

You deserved it 3 328

Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 615

Today, my boss yelled at me because every time he does his checklist walk-through of the warehouse I’m always sat on my ass in the break room, either watching television or fast asleep. Yeah, he does his walk-through every day between 12:30 and 12:45, right in the middle of my lunch break. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 86

Today, I figured out that my baby-powder container can be closed by twisting the cap. I just got back from a long trip. My suitcase used to be black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 634

You deserved it 25 259

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 801

You deserved it 10 417

Today, I still can't talk to cute girls my age without getting tics. I'm over 30, a lesbian, and technically still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 232