By SonOfACatKiller - United States - Juno

Alas, poor Tiddles

Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2463

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Caught red-handed

Dicks aplenty!

By Bnewlove - Canada - Surrey

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49965

You deserved it

5233

Tweet

Share

By GreenShelves - United States - Lynchburg

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20335

You deserved it

2615

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23858

You deserved it

1587

Tweet

Share

By Agata - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years announced that he is not ready for marriage, and won’t be for 'at least' another 2 years. Of course he waited to tell me this 2 days after he had proposed to me in front of hundreds of people, I said yes, and we announced it to all our family members and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33111

You deserved it

2841

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3478

You deserved it

274

Tweet

Share

By hermit's life - United States - Sellersburg

Today, I learned that instead of spending Christmas alone with my cat, enjoying chicken quesadillas and a tin of tuna while watching only the best cartoons, my mother's coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8278

You deserved it

1336

Tweet

Share

By frozen solid - United States - Allentown

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43809

You deserved it

6862

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face than tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36762

You deserved it

7646

Tweet

Share

By MichiganExile - United States

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33450

You deserved it

5884

Tweet

Share

By Samantha - 19/11/2020 13:08 - United States - Kingsport

Ma'm, we closed 10 minutes ago

Today, I had a woman throw a clipboard and yell at me to then storm off, still yelling in the mall where I work, all because I'd told her it was too late to do a piercing tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

728

You deserved it

54

Tweet

Share

By JakeHolmes - United States

Today, I was in my hot tub with my brand new phone. I set it down and when I grabbed my towel I knocked it into the water. I quickly snatched it up and dried it off with the towel and suprisingly only one button stopped working. It was the unlock button, a perfectly good phone that I can't use. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8855

You deserved it

47752

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got ice cream with a guy I'd met at a wrestling match a few days ago. When I got home, I found out that my mother had been sitting in the parking lot and watched us through the windows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30209

You deserved it

2800

Tweet

Share

By Therunawaymoh

Today, my maid of honor and best friend of 10 years won't answer my texts and blocked me on social media. This is because last night she and my fiancé got into a huge drunken fight about who loved me more and she stormed off. I get married in 5 hours and I have no idea where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3432

You deserved it

313

Tweet

Share

By notawizard - Spain

Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33245

You deserved it

94887

Tweet

Share

By sandwhiched - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30554

You deserved it

4749

Tweet

Share

By shakira, when the walls fell - Canada

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I cried my eyes out for hours over the guy who dumped me 9 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24444

You deserved it

2939

Tweet

Share

By OrangeTree12 - Canada

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11150

You deserved it

83493

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47584

You deserved it

2957

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15234

You deserved it

29005

Tweet

Share

By tyler_powellROTC - United States - Irving

Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7119

You deserved it

529

Tweet

Share

By clublulu - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12751

You deserved it

76925

Tweet

Share

By notsoclean - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45259

You deserved it

3667

Tweet

Share

By thisblows - United States

Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72965

You deserved it

5547

Tweet

Share

By Help - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30953

You deserved it

2033

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40248

You deserved it

3904

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, someone popped my birthday balloon at school. Her reasoning was that she "didn't want people to know we have the same birthday." Who popped it? My identical twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53199

You deserved it

3677

Tweet

Share

By annoyed - United States - Wyoming

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23051

You deserved it

2199

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34199

You deserved it

3484

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I turned in an overdue English assignment at college. My instructor accused me of plagiarism, writing that my sentence structure was "TO" good. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks

36875

You deserved it

4378

Tweet

Share

By Some Girl - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34093

You deserved it

4935

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to find that my parents had replaced my regular alarm clock with a walking one that requires you to get up and find it. The alarm was set to 5:00AM, which would have been fine if it wasn't the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37131

You deserved it

3865

Tweet

Share

By bees - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36953

You deserved it

2697

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50585

You deserved it

12355

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking dogs for the animal hospital I work for. I accidentally dropped the leash, and in my haste to retrieve it, I frantically grabbed the ground. I got the leash, and a handful of fresh dog poo emitted from the dog I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24571

You deserved it

5439

Tweet

Share

By JustShootMe - 2/11/2020 07:57 - Australia - Gladstone

Teenagers, amirite?

Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

933

You deserved it

90

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/2/2020 01:00 - Canada - Toronto

Just a dream

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1768

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

By kittykat033 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41784

You deserved it

3880

Tweet

Share

By Lor - Canada - Toronto

Perfume Allergy Man strikes again!

Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1675

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By fail - Canada

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10944

You deserved it

38322

Tweet

Share

By asthmattack - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34204

You deserved it

2797

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Wadlaen | 19

#7844734 - Thursday 19 September 2019 8:34

So, did your mom kill it, and was it an attempt to send you a message of some sort..?
I'm a bit confused, since I don't know the story behind this...😕
But, my deepest condolences, OP!

By silvermoon5033 | 25

#7844733 - Thursday 19 September 2019 8:29

Oh no! Poor kitty :( So sorry OP

COMMENTS

By silvermoon5033 | 25

#7844733 - Thursday 19 September 2019 8:29

Oh no! Poor kitty :( So sorry OP

By Wadlaen | 19

#7844734 - Thursday 19 September 2019 8:34

So, did your mom kill it, and was it an attempt to send you a message of some sort..?
I'm a bit confused, since I don't know the story behind this...😕
But, my deepest condolences, OP!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7844742 - Thursday 19 September 2019 9:13

I'll bet Fluffy is extra fluffy now.

Did your taxidermist recommend tumble drying?

By avatar2018 | 4

#7844782 - Thursday 19 September 2019 10:33

This was funny when I saw that comedy show too

Reply

evilplatypus | 38

#7844837 - Thursday 19 September 2019 15:05

This isn’t an uncommon occurrence. Cats LOVE to sleep in dryers. When I worked at a shelter, we had two close calls and one...well...passed close.

By KaD6 | 23

#7844844 - Thursday 19 September 2019 16:02

I just read about a woman whose cat almost died going through the washer. Please people, pay a little attention if you know your cat can get up there into the machines.

By SquirrelRulingtheWorld | 7

#7844858 - Thursday 19 September 2019 17:14

Who the heck is laughing about this??? That’s terrible, OP. I’m sorry 😔

By PryderPlayer017 | 5

#7844893 - Thursday 19 September 2019 20:10

RIP cat...

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7844901 - Thursday 19 September 2019 20:36

"tiddles" lol!!!

By Morgan Kwn | 19

#7844962 - Friday 20 September 2019 1:09

I’m deeply sorry for you OP this must have been horrible for you....

By Pix3lJunk | 12

#7844966 - Friday 20 September 2019 1:29

Wow, 😔 I'm sorry for your loss .