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By Bawsack - 26/09/2016 10:10 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, it's my last day at my job because I'm moving to another city. My boss handed me a card and chocolates. The same boss that didn't sign the card because, "Even though you're a great employee, I probably won't remember your name in a fortnight." I've been there three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 865

You deserved it 1 112

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 16:07 - United States - San Leandro

Today, after months of taking care of my grandma after a surgery, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health, and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. She passed away while I was at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 107

You deserved it 1 809

By do you want a bag - 24/09/2016 04:48 - Canada - Surrey

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 157

You deserved it 1 061

By ambiiii - 20/08/2015 03:25 - United States - Marble Falls

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 589

You deserved it 2 052

By Anonymous - 03/09/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 678

You deserved it 2 670

By Bilibók Renáta - 16/08/2019 14:00

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 865

By kwill256 - 15/09/2016 10:21 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up, and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse, and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 292

You deserved it 3 055

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 06:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 941

You deserved it 6 937

By fmylife - 26/08/2010 10:09 - Malaysia

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 889

You deserved it 69 089

By eh. - 27/08/2019 17:55

Today, my period started one week early, and I don’t have access to any hygiene products besides toilet paper for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 013

You deserved it 322

eh tells us more.

eh 4

Tuesday 27 August 2019 17:52

First of all I have bought enough products for my period. I’m on vacation on a boat with 3 men who don’t know squat about periods. We were supposed to pack light and my period doesn’t normally come 9 days early and I don’t carry a week’s worth of tampons every where I go. I did have one to last me for 10 hours but I can’t use that for 3 days

Lost cause

By funny? - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cupertino

Today, I had a big project due, but when I went to turn it in, I found out that I'd left it at home. The professor said I could turn it in tomorrow for half credit. When I got home, I realized I'd actually had it in my other binder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 903

You deserved it 3 630

Gottem

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 21:07 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 784

You deserved it 6 730

By Bananapi - 10/09/2017 13:00

Today, my flatmate moved in with me. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, so did her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 242

Alas, poor Tiddles

By SonOfACatKiller - 19/09/2019 08:00 - United States - Juno

Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 641

You deserved it 135

Can't win

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 204

You deserved it 385

Trickster

By Oxnar60 - 08/08/2016 18:19 - United States - Harwich

Today, I left my phone at work. After returning to the office to retrieve it, I noticed it was not on my desk as it usually is. I went to the front office and found it on the desk, unattended. When turning on my phone, I was greeted by my new lockscreen: a crap someone took in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 217

You deserved it 2 005

Mixed signals

By PinkTornado - 17/03/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend, after three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he said, ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me.'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 847

You deserved it 97 631

By BetterThanWastingItIGuess - 11/11/2017 13:00 - Panama - Panama

Today, after almost a year of working two jobs, I managed to save up $2,000. I decided to treat myself to a week in Japan, but while walking to the Japanese Embassy to exchange my dollars for yen, I got robbed at gunpoint. I had the money in cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 740

You deserved it 818

Back-seat parenting

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 145

WTF?

By Raspution - 16/06/2019 04:42

Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 480

You deserved it 175

Mystery

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my 19 year-old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year-old guy who cleans our pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 527

You deserved it 8 063

To each his own

By AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 07/09/2022 19:00

Today, I found out my awesome new boyfriend loves a show called Happy Tree Friends, about cutesy animals dying horribly. When I say "loves", I mean he masturbates to it. I'm running very fast and very far away now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 214

Felt so bad

By princessmia - 13/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Sequim

Today, my little brother played my phone, and then accidentally sent a nude photo of mine to our step-dad, and now I have to spend all day with him and my mom on a road trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 2 453

Pinky

By grandlisleguy - 03/02/2020 21:00 - United States - Colchester

Today, I was at the office making copies for a project. As I left the copy room my dress pants caught a sharp something on the door frame and ripped open my pants. All my co-workers saw my pink boxer briefs. Now I'm called "Pinky" by everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 395

Come on!

By prochainefois - 31/01/2014 21:05 - France - Paris

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Come on Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 442

You deserved it 6 927

Now you know

By foolishgirl - 25/02/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 918

You deserved it 74 342

Freud intensifies

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 22:01

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. An ex? A friend? A side guy? Nope, none of those. I called him “Dad”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 1 220

By drew_ar85 - 20/03/2010 16:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 125

You deserved it 6 704

Personality crisis

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Marietta

Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 967

You deserved it 2 010

That slaps!

By Kelli - 08/04/2020 02:00

Today, the whole time my husband and I had sex, my stomach flab violently slapped my thighs. The harder he pumped, the louder the slapping got. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 979

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was happily messing around with my girlfriend's toddler niece. I suddenly sneezed, coughing out a tonsil stone as big as a raisin. Before I could even react, she horrifyingly said, "Oh no! Your brains came out!" My girlfriend started to laugh, saying, "That's just about right!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 139

Today, my son finally revealed the reason he was always blasting music as a teenager was to drown out the sound of his father and I arguing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 1 619

Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 183

You deserved it 4 122

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 938

You deserved it 2 560

Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 208

You deserved it 2 919

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 870

You deserved it 48 695