By vicgal - 14/08/2009 18:33 - Canada
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Hey I have a question....I'm not disagreeing with #14, because it was her statement that made me wonder. What is the point of having sex with someone else when we can all just "pleasure ourselves"? Clearly we don't want to "do" ourselves constantly, and there's actually more to sex in a commited relationship than orgasms, so if OP isn't really interested in sex with her boyfriend in the first place (Why else would she be paying attention to the curtains?), there's other issues there besides not reaching an orgasm because she doesn't do her share... (argh wtf, this was supposed to be to #14)
I completely agree that the women of the world need to get amongst it and throw themselves into the act so they can get more pleasure out of it. Communication, direction, actively showing the gentleman involved how it's done - these are all HUGELY important things. But sometimes, it just doesn't cut it. There are blokes out there who are selfish, stupid, sexually inept, or a tragic combination of all three, and no amount of talking or showing or trying or teaching on behalf of the woman gleans any kind of progress or joy. This isn't about ego, fellas, it's just the facts. As much as we'd like to think it's the ladies not trying hard enough, sometimes, blokes just suck in bed (just like women can, too). It's the cold, hard truth, and those in denial should learn to accept it - only with acceptance can there be recovery. How about cutting the frustrated women of the world some slack? I agree with Plexico (in his infinite wisdom): "You say she is not enjoying sex because she is looking at the curtains. I think she is looking at the curtains because she is not enjoying the sex." I'm so sick of everyone assuming it's the woman's fault, and the blokes using it as an excuse to cheer on that thought and delve deeper into denial. Using this one as an example, check it out: Everyone assumes she's not trying/communicating/educating because she's looking at the curtains and they bothered her more than the lack of orgasm - fact is, she could have been doing all those things for years, and if she has been and just gets nowhere, then I really don't blame her for giving up and staring at the ceiling and not expecting anything different. It's a sad reality, but I've had it happen to friends before - they get nowhere with their attempts to make sex better due to an either unwilling or incompetent partner, so sex becomes a chore, and they get their happies on their own time. And to me, that is truly tragic. Like I said, I totally agree that there are girls out there who think that achieving the elusive goal is something that has to be done *to* her, failing to realise it is a goal best shared *with* her. I'm just saying we shouldn't bite the friggen heads off of every poster who complains about it like they are WITHOUT DOUBT these kinds of girls, and give the poor ladies a break. I also agree with the whole “Don’t complain if you’re not doing anything to change it” attitude out there. But like I said, I don’t blame a girl for losing heart if she’s tried and tried and tried and still yields no results. Also, ease up on the specific linguistics and learn to read what is really meant by "give" in this context - when one partner is pleasing the other, it is loosely known as “giving”. Just because one partner is giving, doesn’t mean the other partner is lying there doing nothing – even if they do some self loving during the process, it still falls under that umbrella of having been “given” an orgasm because of the... assistance :) Edit: Supposed to be a reply to a much, much lower comment. No idea how I got up here.
That sucks. i agree with 112. If sex sucks, its on both of them. His fault for not making sure she's enjoying it, and her fault for not making sure he's enjoying it/not doing anything. A lot of women are problems with sex because they don't know what to expect/do. Society values virgin women more then anything. If she does know her shit, then she's labeled as a "ho" cause of her experience. So boys, let her know it's okay to like sex!! But seriously if your gonna fuck, you might as well enjoy it! Get some toys, dress up, watch some porn or SOMETHING. Or get one of those vibrators that you strap on to the guy's wiener and ride it, yee-haaw!!
@112 When I first saw this comment, I thought "Holy shit this thing is long!" Then I read it and thought "This guy makes sense..." I agree with the girlfriend actually doing something though. Even just saying stuff. But hey, if shes tried shes tried. Either one works.
SOMAgirl, you are my fucking hero. More women should be like you. Hell, all women should. repyourcliche, you're a selfish, childish bitch and I hope you never enjoy an orgasm in your entire life. #45, just because OP doesn't know her body inside and out doesn't give her an excuse to not communicate. OP, if you're not getting your pleasure, talk to your boyfriend. If you don't know what to tell him, explore with him. If you were literally bored with the sex, then you were probably going at it for a while. In which case I guarantee you he was doing everything in his power to pleasure you. And yet you don't care enough to help him. If anything, he should dump you for not caring enough about him to talk to him.
They're your priorities, so why is this an FML? Perhaps the reason you're not enjoying sex is because you're lying there paying attention to the curtains?
It's the old chicken-and-egg problem. You say she is not enjoying sex because she is looking at the curtains. I think she is looking at the curtains because she is not enjoying the sex. Maybe she is trying to help him by staring at the curtain rod and trying to imagine what a rock-hard pole would feel like, instead of her boyfriend's flaccid, mushy dick.