By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks 49 771
You deserved it 4 481

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Top comments

Well I'd scream too.

dragonstrike94 8

What the he'll is wrong with her


Well I'd scream too.

I would have falcon punched her in the vagina

While she has scissors on your dick… Really!?!

Just_STFU_Please 13

You OP, have a girlfriend who has a very sick sense of humor.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Anyone else feel their penis cringe while reading this FML?

For her next hysterical act, she'll hold you at gun point.

I'd scream too if someone was trying to cut my sausage and I'm not even a guy.

I would have given her a female circumcision and dumped her ass

SignUpisntcool 3

72:Darnit! I was gonna write that then I saw your comment.

At least OP didn't try to run or turn away. That would have been a different FML all together...

I think my crotch sausage just went into hiding for awhile

Thats dangerous still, she could hurt him with scissors by accident. But she does have a good sense of humor.

fromthesuck 8

Well good thing she was prepared for your reaction. Could have been a different story if your screams scared her. That's why penises aren't meant only to be played with responsibly

fromthesuck 8

I meant are meant to be played with responsibly. Damn auto correct. Oh well

Or actually cut it off


30- that's not even humor! I cringed at this FML!

64 - I don't have a penis and mine cringed.

AngelicTide 11

I don't even have a penis and I cringed!!! Not funny!!!

bizarre_ftw 21

215 - the sequel to "running with scissors"

273 -- This one would likely be called "Running From Scissors." D: OP, get the fuck. Quickly. |the kid|

Maddidaddi 0

Fuck that crazy bitch.

What is wrong with you!

64: I felt my "penis" cringe. Yeah, and I'm a girl. Just the thought of that. Oh God.

^ girls have already pointed that out, your a little late

Dump that bitch now before you wake up and your testicles are in a cup beside your bed bro

I didn't read before I posted. Sorry. Plus, more than one person could agree, no? Anyways, I apologize.

@ 235- Psycho ex-girlfriend?

xknightlightx 2

More like the face or i wud have used my feet to push her off at the shouldersand i would be in fight mode.. Waiting for her to explain herself-.-

godofswag 6

fuck ya

CharlieS0ul 0

FYL and now FML I'm guna have nightmares D: I'm psychosomatic. I feel pain when I think it :(( pain LOL....... X.X

No you dumb shit she doesnt

Mr_Chocolate_fml 7


dragonstrike94 8

What the he'll is wrong with her

Jakesterk96 8

Yea, what the he will is wrong with her?

It's autocorrect. My iPhone always does that to me.

PYLrulz 17

Yeah, autocorrect can be blamed. You can type hell, but if you don't think about it, you'll get stuck with he'll.

Or if you're typing fast ^

dragonstrike94 8

Yea it was autocorrect

Yep, autocorrect. That's what they all say.

All being people who fall victims of autocorrect

I fucking hate your guts, go die in a hole. Sorry autocorrect, I meant hi.

dragonstrike94 8

Well my iPhone sucks so

Well my IPhone is epic. Yours is one of those unique ones; you know..... The ones they bring back from the dead.

Hey 130- you do know that you can turn autocorrect off, right? Who's to blame now?

Seriously though, what would we do without auto correct.. Soo lazy..

challan 19

My moms friend sent me a text saying, "Ilubu" so I typed, "Ilubumore" my iPhone sent: I'll lubricate you more Yeah... That was awkward.

loveyouall81 2

Hey there! I read your profile, so I'm "hitting you up"

Maxon_fml 4

You beat me to it 11 lol

bizarre_ftw 21

221 - completely unrelated, but I can never look at brushing my teeth the same way again >.<

bizarre_ftw 21

14 comments later isn't really "beat"ing you to it, more like winning and leisurely waiting for you to catch up

Autocorrect does that hell/he'll to me all the time.(it literally just did) That shut is annoying.

MiniNyn 5

That shut really is annoying... lol. Nice autocorrect catch. Oh wait

Well 232 comments down the line if you count every comment on the FML

....who ...does that? surprise her the next morning with scissors on her nipples!

what's she gonna say? "Haha you cried like a little girl when I had blades an inch away from your crotch!"?

dragonstrike94 8

Yes 161 it's refurbished it has many things I should get fixed but oh well... 165 YOU CAN TURN OF AUTOCORRECT?

DoNotEnter 5

Don't live it down. Ditch that crazy bitch!

Break up with her.. Shes crazy... ....

Ehh.. Pretend this was posted under commenter number 4.. Just kidding everyone, its ok.. Making sure you're all awake.

hawkey126 0

Cue song! Hey, you're a crazy bitch but you fuck so good I'm on top of it...

AceArctic 4

3- You made a rhyme!

bizarre_ftw 21

See, everyone's opinion is that op's first action should be to run, but see I think his first action should be to get his dick out of the line of fire, but let's go ahead in do it your way and see how running with blades directly on his stick goes *sits back and watches* -brought to you by OverThinkingIt Inc.-

Holy shit. =O Also... Cue " break up with her she's crazy " comments

break up with her she's crazy

Waking up to find your penis in between two scissor blades? Fuck ya, she's one CRAZY bitch..

I'm not even a boy and y heart dropped reading this. Poor guy your gf is psycho!

Make sure when he dumps her she doesn't have scissors near by or we may read another fml "today, my psycho ex who though it would be funny to hold my nether regions betweens scissors cut my junk off when I broke up with her for holding my junk between said scissors.fml"

Are you insane? Breaking up with a crazy broad is crazy. Go into hiding like junior did.

If he breaks up with her, she might actually cut it off...

challan 19

Wow... Run. Run fast and run far. That was some sick joke, one that could have gone bad quick.

Oh shit, hand twitch. *cuts of dick*

I gotta agree here OP, I don't see this relationship turning out well.

bizarre_ftw 21

Unless, you know, it's always been his dream to be the last living eunuch I mean, that other guy is old, he'll croak eventually, then you're all right and good (given I've seen people misunderstand more obvious, I'm gonna mention right here and now that this is a joke)

deransc 19

cuts of dick? lol

forzadude420 0

dude she just wanted sausage for breakfast

This is what he gets for giving her granola bars

bizarre_ftw 21

189 - and to think how many guys have to practically beg their girls

Be careful, she's actually going to do it next time, BUT before you wake up!

Oh trust me, he'll wake up!

PYLrulz 17

What the fuck?!? She is twisted! Get the hell away from her!!! PRONTO!!!

Y U use that mame instead of mine?!


iviviii 0


quickly* If you want to get technical. :)

What a dick move.......I'm going to crawl back to my corner now...

AceArctic 4

I hope for his sake that his dick didn't move. It could have ended ugly.

*crawls into corner with you*

I know I would be scared shitless. No man should never have that experience. And yay a corner buddy :D

littletinyME 5

Bad time to get a boner.