I would have falcon punched her in the ******

While she has scissors on your dick… Really!?!

You OP, have a girlfriend who has a very sick sense of humor.

Anyone else feel their penis cringe while reading this FML?

For her next hysterical act, she'll hold you at gun point.

I'd scream too if someone was trying to cut my sausage and I'm not even a guy.

I would have given her a female circumcision and dumped her ass

72:Darnit! I was gonna write that then I saw your comment.

At least OP didn't try to run or turn away. That would have been a different FML all together...

I think my crotch sausage just went into hiding for awhile

Thats dangerous still, she could hurt him with scissors by accident. But she does have a good sense of humor.

Well good thing she was prepared for your reaction. Could have been a different story if your screams scared her. That's why penises aren't meant only to be played with responsibly

I meant are meant to be played with responsibly. Damn auto correct. Oh well

Or actually cut it off

30- that's not even humor! I cringed at this FML!

64 - I don't have a penis and mine cringed.

I don't even have a penis and I cringed!!! Not funny!!!

215 - the sequel to "running with scissors"

273 -- This one would likely be called "Running From Scissors." D: OP, get the ****. Quickly. |the kid|

**** that crazy bitch.

What is wrong with you!

64: I felt my "penis" cringe. Yeah, and I'm a girl. Just the thought of that. Oh God.

^ girls have already pointed that out, your a little late

Dump that bitch now before you wake up and your testicles are in a cup beside your bed bro

I didn't read before I posted. Sorry. Plus, more than one person could agree, no? Anyways, I apologize.

@ 235- Psycho ex-girlfriend?

More like the face or i wud have used my feet to push her off at the shouldersand i would be in fight mode.. Waiting for her to explain herself-.-

**** ya

FYL and now FML I'm guna have nightmares D: I'm psychosomatic. I feel pain when I think it :(( pain LOL....... X.X

No you dumb shit she doesnt

LOL

Yea, what the he will is wrong with her?

It's autocorrect. My iPhone always does that to me.

Yeah, autocorrect can be blamed. You can type hell, but if you don't think about it, you'll get stuck with he'll.

Or if you're typing fast ^

Yea it was autocorrect

Yep, autocorrect. That's what they all say.

All being people who fall victims of autocorrect

I ******* hate your guts, go die in a hole. Sorry autocorrect, I meant hi.

Well my iPhone sucks so

Well my IPhone is epic. Yours is one of those unique ones; you know..... The ones they bring back from the dead. Refurb...is..hed.

Hey 130- you do know that you can turn autocorrect off, right? Who's to blame now?

Seriously though, what would we do without auto correct.. Soo lazy..

My moms friend sent me a text saying, "Ilubu" so I typed, "Ilubumore" my iPhone sent: I'll lubricate you more Yeah... That was awkward.

Hey there! I read your profile, so I'm "hitting you up"

You beat me to it 11 lol

221 - completely unrelated, but I can never look at brushing my teeth the same way again >.<

14 comments later isn't really "beat"ing you to it, more like winning and leisurely waiting for you to catch up

Autocorrect does that hell/he'll to me all the time.(it literally just did) That shut is annoying.

That shut really is annoying... lol. Nice autocorrect catch. Oh wait

Well 232 comments down the line if you count every comment on the FML

....who ...does that? surprise her the next morning with scissors on her nipples!

what's she gonna say? "Haha you cried like a little girl when I had blades an inch away from your crotch!"?

Yes 161 it's refurbished it has many things I should get fixed but oh well... 165 YOU CAN TURN OF AUTOCORRECT?

Break up with her.. Shes crazy... ....

Ehh.. Pretend this was posted under commenter number 4.. Just kidding everyone, its ok.. Making sure you're all awake.

Cue song! Hey, you're a crazy bitch but you **** so good I'm on top of it...

3- You made a rhyme!

See, everyone's opinion is that op's first action should be to run, but see I think his first action should be to get his dick out of the line of fire, but let's go ahead in do it your way and see how running with blades directly on his stick goes *sits back and watches* -brought to you by OverThinkingIt Inc.-

Amen!

break up with her she's crazy

Waking up to find your penis in between two scissor blades? **** ya, she's one CRAZY bitch..

I'm not even a boy and y heart dropped reading this. Poor guy your gf is psycho!

Make sure when he dumps her she doesn't have scissors near by or we may read another fml "today, my psycho ex who though it would be funny to hold my nether regions betweens scissors cut my junk off when I broke up with her for holding my junk between said scissors.fml"

Are you insane? Breaking up with a crazy broad is crazy. Go into hiding like junior did.

If he breaks up with her, she might actually cut it off...

Oh shit, hand twitch. *cuts of dick*

I gotta agree here OP, I don't see this relationship turning out well.

Unless, you know, it's always been his dream to be the last living eunuch I mean, that other guy is old, he'll croak eventually, then you're all right and good (given I've seen people misunderstand more obvious, I'm gonna mention right here and now that this is a joke)

cuts of dick? lol

This is what he gets for giving her granola bars

189 - and to think how many guys have to practically beg their girls

Oh trust me, he'll wake up!

Y U use that mame instead of mine?!

Quick*....

quickly* If you want to get technical. :)

I hope for his sake that his dick didn't move. It could have ended ugly.

*crawls into corner with you*

I know I would be scared shitless. No man should never have that experience. And yay a corner buddy :D

Bad time to get a boner.