By Hakimstah - Lebanon


  Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
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Top comments
  melikesfml  |  11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

  LolFMLnot  |  10

Thats dangerous still, she could hurt him with scissors by accident. But she does have a good sense of humor.

  fromthesuck  |  8

Well good thing she was prepared for your reaction. Could have been a different story if your screams scared her. That's why penises aren't meant only to be played with responsibly

  EyesofStone  |  27

Yep, autocorrect. That's what they all say.


I fucking hate your guts, go die in a hole. Sorry autocorrect, I meant hi.

  challan  |  19

My moms friend sent me a text saying, "Ilubu" so I typed, "Ilubumore" my iPhone sent:
I'll lubricate you more
Yeah... That was awkward.

  bizarre_ftw  |  21

See, everyone's opinion is that op's first action should be to run, but see I think his first action should be to get his dick out of the line of fire, but let's go ahead in do it your way and see how running with blades directly on his stick goes *sits back and watches*
-brought to you by OverThinkingIt Inc.-

  arealwarrior  |  0

Make sure when he dumps her she doesn't have scissors near by or we may read another fml "today, my psycho ex who though it would be funny to hold my nether regions betweens scissors cut my junk off when I broke up with her for holding my junk between said scissors.fml"

  bizarre_ftw  |  21

Unless, you know, it's always been his dream to be the last living eunuch
I mean, that other guy is old, he'll croak eventually, then you're all right and good

(given I've seen people misunderstand more obvious, I'm gonna mention right here and now that this is a joke)