Struggling Through Life

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

Proactive

Commando

Boundaries

By j - Canada

18365

30112

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was after I saved several paychecks to afford to give her a weekend away for her birthday. Why did she end things so quick? Because apparently I'm balding faster than her Dad. I'm 20. FML

By BaldingQuick - United States

32471

2632

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

By pop_rox - United States

10243

28504

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

By Anonymous - United States

52780

7950

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

By fuckwank - United States - Red Oak

36952

12336

Today, while at a store, my stuttering problem became so bad the poor store clerk had to supply my own words for me. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Missouri City

25560

2049

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

By Anonymous

14678

1291

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter swimming. While sitting in the hot tub, my daughter pointed to the elderly man sitting across from us and mumbled something. I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat it. After two more attempts, she shouted, "MOM! He has big boobs!" FML

By Lexi - Canada

28326

7229

Today, I got into an argument with my wife over how she spends too much time with her gay best friend. Now she says that if I want to ever get intimate with her again, I'll have to let her watch as I give him a striptease. FML

By Anonymous - United States

40120

11211

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

By WhatTheFaf - United Kingdom

39915

2957

Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

1950

167

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

By Anonymous - United States

27044

7301

Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML

By kilamo80 - United States - Clarkston

52363

4139

Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML

By oompaloompa

New, from L'Oréal!

1221

432

Today, my seemingly innocent younger brother showed our family a video of what he was doing last night when he skipped New Student Orientation. He's been in college all of 48 hours and he's already joined a fight club. FML

By Anonymous

3163

283

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

By YoshiSqu4d

1491

Today, it was me and my husband's anniversary. He was at work, so I decided to dress up "sexy". You know, the typical lacey thong and fishnets. I heard the door open, and what I thought was him was actually my brother who'd visited to wish me a happy anniversary. FML

By sexysue - United States

23883

5719

Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

By Noname - United States

64209

20240

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Blythe

49216

2644

Today, I had a Chinese test. Our teacher decided to wait until yesterday to tell us about it because she "knew" we wouldn't study anyway and she didn't want to stress us out. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

By :( - United States - Saint Paul

20178

1969

Today, I went to make my morning coffee as usual. When I opened the container for the coffee grounds, I saw it bubbling. Perplexed, I looked closer. This is how I discovered that maggots can actually bubble what they ingest. FML

By traumatised

1965

223

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his boss so he could get a promotion and "provide" for us. This from the guy who made me quit my job because he said he made enough money to support us both. FML

By dtack2tack - United States

28595

3790

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

By Anonymous - United States

47474

4697

Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML

By bloated - Australia - Brisbane

9735

2497

Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

By Anonymous - United States

36667

3191

Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML

By BestBF - United States - Omaha

61162

8697

Today, my aunt informed me that my cousin's only problem with his girlfriend is that she's not me. FML

By "daddyrobyn"

2302

142

Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML

By Jarryd - Australia

32469

7453

Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML

By dollybabe - Ireland

33586

11646

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/5/2020 20:00

A load of hot air

1516

624

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Port Townsend

28325

11946

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML

By anon - Canada - Mississauga

33647

2565

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

By Jman6295 - United States

31914

15193

Today, I made the discovery that I'm in a true love triangle; both of my girlfriends are dating one another. FML

By Anonymous - United States

16658

69296

Today, nearing the start of what I was hoping to be a relaxing week off, my air conditioning system died. A replacement system will be in the $7000 range, just the amount I'd finally saved for my dream vacation. FML

By Radbaby

3875

253

Today, as my gaze went from the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling to the opened and unopened Amazon boxes in the corners of my house, I realized I'm on my way to being a hoarder. I'm too tired and depressed to do anything about it. FML

By nola2005

Hoarded in

1294

453

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

By Anonymous - Australia - Applecross

26532

9835

Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML

By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 17:01

Shocking

1180

205

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

By SkottLong - United States - Logan

30242

8331