Struggling Through Life

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

Season finale

Bladdered

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

By FMarinasL - United States

30960

4400

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

By purplexangel - United States - Lubbock

14848

22445

Today, I ordered more memory and a new hard drive for my computer. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. FML

By Sam - Canada

41887

8717

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

By Anonymous

1470

4477

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

By Noname - United States

76159

3418

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

By keelah - United States - Montgomery

47547

8512

Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML

By veethebee

1861

115

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

By tomchuq - United States

18627

61169

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

By kazmatazz - Oman

23444

9034

Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML

By Anonymous - United States

32880

4343

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

By Andrew - United States

36067

6378

Today, my cousin died of a very treatable illness. She was pressured into herbal and holistic "faith healing" instead of seeking "poisonous western filth". Her husband, church and family all seem to think she made the right choice. I’ve been shunned for disagreeing. FML

By fuck your indoctrination - 26/3/2021 09:01 - United States

Batshit

1319

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

By Angry Mob - Australia - Sydney

34106

2319

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he was a breech baby, which according to him meant that he born out of his mum's butthole. FML

By BreechInEducation

10516

918

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML

By WTF - United States - Plainfield

49166

4460

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

By JunkDex - Australia - Merrylands

25478

1679

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

By Sam - 7/5/2021 02:01

Risky business

1671

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

By Anonymous - 16/4/2021 23:59 - New Zealand - Wellington

Empathy

1468

108

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

By Anonymous - United States

38623

4761

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Greenville

4965

1688

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

By Anonymous - Canada - Ajax

33960

2345

Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML

By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 05:00

Happy Birthday!

1540

189

Today, I'm finally visiting my long-distance boyfriend in his home country. He has a vomit-inducing migraine, and the traditional food he fed me triggered the worst kidney attack I've had in years. We're both lying on the couch writhing in pain. Yay, quality time together. FML

By Anonymous

Quality time

1515

128

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only staying with me because I’m getting him a signed poster for Christmas. FML

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - United States - University Center

2153

175

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

By Anonymous - United States

40429

8077

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

By no more tp

29994

4326

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

By Robert - United States - North Pole

4838

664

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

By unimpressed bride - United States - Traverse City

26509

3017

Today, my wife stopped mid blowjob because it tasted too clean, like my mint shower gel. FML

By jeffcarp - Italy - Cesenatico

Mint taste

1744

249

Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML

By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

28936

2107

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

By kaleigh - United States

41708

10154

Today, I got stuck in my building's elevator. I pushed the emergency button, which made a ringing noise. After about half an hour, I heard someone yell, "Stop pushing that button, my kids are sleeping." FML

By Virginy - France

Send help

36759

2602

Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML

By Anonymous - Australia

10418

1419

Today, I was at a rodeo warming up while my mom unnecessarily bragged about my training skills to a client. My horse then threw me into a gate at a full gallop, in front of everyone. That was the first time he'd ever misbehaved. FML

By wellthen - United States - Clarksville

11224

963

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

By pst - South Africa

We need a break

18622

59055

Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML

By casey - United States

49812

26396

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

By tan disaster - United States

18470

39240

Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML

By Jen__ - Canada - Kitimat

41140

4459

Today, I broke a world record on third-wheeling with my friend and his girlfriend. As we were driving back from the beach, I took a nap and woke up to my friend receiving head in the front seat. They knew I was awake, but they continued and finished. FML

By andrew

6162

911