By FML Approved - United States - New York Story of my life... Slides are difficult for everyone, right? 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BEE - United States Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML I agree, your life sucks 10214 You deserved it 47360 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By uggghhhh Today, it's 3 days before Christmas and my first day of holidays. Today is also the first day I have been sick all year. Hello tonsillitis, goodbye fun. FML I agree, your life sucks 7135 You deserved it 637 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bye loser - Canada - Abbotsford Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML I agree, your life sucks 45529 You deserved it 3942 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Great - United States - Katy Today, my in-laws moved in. FML I agree, your life sucks 68648 You deserved it 6242 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotTheFavoriteChild Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess". I showered, shaved and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML I agree, your life sucks 20310 You deserved it 1566 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tbelle Today, my brother texted me a picture of his "upcoming disconnect" notice for his utility bill and asked if I could loan him the money to pay it. All I could give him was a picture of my "disconnected" notice. FML I agree, your life sucks 3438 You deserved it 417 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 23181 You deserved it 5042 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymoosey - Canada Relax Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML I agree, your life sucks 35142 You deserved it 5274 347 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dino - United States - Jacksonville Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML I agree, your life sucks 32557 You deserved it 2342 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 14:01 Free money for me, but not for thee Today, my dad refuses to let me inherit all of his money, which might just put a roof over my head when I’m older. *His* money? Well, actually, he inherited it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1094 You deserved it 789 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Denmark Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML I agree, your life sucks 26845 You deserved it 4077 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By novacabudsforme - Hong Kong - Central District Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 14125 You deserved it 985 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Padstow Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML I agree, your life sucks 43464 You deserved it 3873 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dumped - United States Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML I agree, your life sucks 69847 You deserved it 4148 244 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dadyoureacunt - Australia - Melbourne Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 40272 You deserved it 7412 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SymmetricalPizzaFace - United States - Westminster Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 35630 You deserved it 2942 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite; this dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML I agree, your life sucks 52122 You deserved it 17833 243 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rocks_hurt Today, I rushed to catch my bus and arrived as it pulled up, but one of the tires threw a rock at my head and knocked me out. I missed my bus and the final that I am not allowed to retake. FML I agree, your life sucks 3071 You deserved it 234 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Meagan Ortiz - 16/8/2020 23:02 Wardrobe change please Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 1448 You deserved it 215 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Gilly Today, my kid felt bad that our cat didn't get an Easter egg hunt at Easter so he has hidden sardines around the house for her to find. The house reeks and I don't know how many are left to find. FML I agree, your life sucks 4769 You deserved it 523 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dumblond - United States Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML I agree, your life sucks 43241 You deserved it 6423 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I'm a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML I agree, your life sucks 28977 You deserved it 4070 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jsquared - United States Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML I agree, your life sucks 40435 You deserved it 3106 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 16748 You deserved it 37359 295 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eric4 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML I agree, your life sucks 48319 You deserved it 4340 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ew - United States - Titusville Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML I agree, your life sucks 47731 You deserved it 4607 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By search_me - United States Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML I agree, your life sucks 54844 You deserved it 3284 186 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By creeper - United States Today, I was talking to this guy I like. He's very private and hides all his photos and wall posts on Facebook. Or so I thought, turns out he has me on a restricted friends list, titled "Creepers." FML I agree, your life sucks 12251 You deserved it 26751 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I saw my girlfriend at the store and joyfully greeted her. She got really mad at me - it was her identical twin sister, who I still cannot tell apart from my girlfriend. We've been dating for three years. FML I agree, your life sucks 29833 You deserved it 20979 196 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By :/ - Australia - North Lakes Today, I talked to my high school sweetheart after 12 years. He confessed that he's been single ever since we broke up, never got over me, and that to this day he loves me dearly. I'm a married mother of two. FML I agree, your life sucks 21847 You deserved it 2555 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Numbnuts - United States Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML I agree, your life sucks 11282 You deserved it 38347 217 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML I agree, your life sucks 31150 You deserved it 18517 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nice - Canada - Hamilton Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML I agree, your life sucks 25940 You deserved it 5007 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ted Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 2054 You deserved it 435 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Guatemala Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML I agree, your life sucks 38010 You deserved it 3164 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Drunk - United States Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML I agree, your life sucks 28087 You deserved it 6401 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By forgotten - United States - Phoenix Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 33095 You deserved it 3969 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 17106 You deserved it 41600 385 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By person_r - Norway Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML I agree, your life sucks 64483 You deserved it 12557 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML I agree, your life sucks 3168 You deserved it 401 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly... I agree, your life sucks 495 You deserved it 30 7 Comments
Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML I agree, your life sucks 1029 You deserved it 98 20 Comments