When you're too cute to look angry By Lewis - 31/01/2019 19:00 RESPECT MY AUTHORITHAY!!! I agree, your life sucks 848 You deserved it 508 Share Tweet Share
Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML I agree, your life sucks 385 You deserved it 1 842
Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 15 539 You deserved it 51 165
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 64 475 You deserved it 7 481
Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML I agree, your life sucks 27 818 You deserved it 1 935
Today, I started a new job as a receptionist at a nursing home. When two men came in saying, "We're here for Mr. Christensen," I paged him to come to the front desk. Apparently, these men had come from the funeral home to pick up Mr. Christensen's body. I was completely unaware that anyone had died. FML I agree, your life sucks 18 090 You deserved it 1 647
Today, I was on my way to a relatively important interview when I realized that I'd forgotten to put on antiperspirant. Once seated, I was so nervous that I started sweating profusely under my light blue shirt, and by the end of the whole ordeal I had huge sweat stains under my armpits, down to my elbows. FML I agree, your life sucks 763 You deserved it 252
Today, I was at a family friend's house for a gathering. I grabbed my food and started heading towards the patio. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the patio, as there was a glass door in my way that I didn't see. My sophomore year crush saw everything, along with her new boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 814 You deserved it 292
Today, I was excitedly celebrating my 21st birthday. I was heading my to my first club when my sister called and snarkly said, “Congratulations on being 21, hope you don’t get drugged, raped and murdered tonight!” She’s mad that she was pregnant on her 21st and didn’t get to go out, so she wanted to ruin mine. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 161 You deserved it 119
AAAAAAAAHHHHH ✊ *cling*
What did that bell do to you? 😊