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Assumptions

By Blue Lemon - 13/12/2020 20:01

Today, I was at a job interview and thought the guy interviewing me was a bit of a perv because he kept staring down at my cleavage. Afterwards, I realised what he was really looking at: the wire in my bra had popped out and had been poking right through my shirt like a dagger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 301

By Sleepy - 09/10/2014 14:10 - United Kingdom - Hayes

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019

You deserved it 15 683

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 654

You deserved it 5 828

By 2ndchoice - 12/12/2009 15:47 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend wanted to tell me how much he loves me. He said a lot of wonderful things, such as not being able to live without me and hoping that I would want to live with him and marry him someday. He ended his loving speech with his ex-girlfriend's name instead of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 053

You deserved it 2 957

By The Christmas Grinch - 18/11/2010 22:33 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 448

You deserved it 3 910

Hard disagree

By Anonymous - 20/05/2023 03:00

Today, I told my therapist that I read FML for relaxation and entertainment. She asked what FML is, then told me stop reading this website, as my life is bad enough, knowing other's experiences would actually increase my level of anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 206

Nice disguise

By Anonymous - 09/09/2011 13:25 - Australia

Today, I had to walk through an extremely crowded pub wearing a dorky prisoner outfit to get to a dress-up party at the back. When we got there, I soon realised it wasn't fancy dress, but just black-and-white themed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 982

You deserved it 21 990

Freakout

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her Snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face, then tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 913

You deserved it 7 681

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 304

You deserved it 4 647

Act your age

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 10:00

Today, we're finally at an age where my wife will try to negotiate how old she has to admit to being. It’s ridiculous. At her last doctor's appointment, she was asked her age, she’s 52 but claimed to be only 40, and I had to argue her up to admitting to 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 125

Meddling

By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 18:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I found out that my mother organized someone to feed my pets because I would be out of town overnight, even though I told her that I would be back in the morning and they would be fine. They overfed my dogs, with one of them eating over 10% of her weight, and now she may have bloat, which is often fatal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 111

By sisterofthebride - 03/10/2014 20:22 - United States

Today, my sister and her new husband invited our family and my fiancé over to look at their wedding pictures. Turns out, I caught the bouquet and flashed the world in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 172

You deserved it 4 136

By STOPTAKINGPICTURES - 08/07/2013 23:45 - United States - New York

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 938

You deserved it 5 097

Gold digger

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 21:00 - United States - Moscow

Today, I asked my boyfriend to help me with groceries, since the last of my money went to last week's groceries. His response was to start a fight, then tell me it's my fault my daughter acts the way she does, which is when he finally got me to break down and cry. I'm pregnant with his kid, and I also pay 90% of our bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 1 004

By cheaterscheat - 29/07/2012 01:21 - United States - Saint James

Today, I went to the hospital due to extreme sickness. My boyfriend saw this as an opportune time to take another girl out since I was "otherwise preoccupied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 631

You deserved it 2 396

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 12:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 121

You deserved it 4 582

He gets around

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 00:00

Today, I did an actual double take when my son complained about having to block the phone number of his most recent one-night stand when she got pregnant, but luckily he gave her a fake name, so he doesn’t have to delete his Facebook. How many grandkids do I have out there you little prick? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 604

You deserved it 659

By Anonymous - 21/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 824

You deserved it 14 193

It's probably for the best

By Serire - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 593

You deserved it 5 319

By hot4donny - 12/11/2010 02:40 - United States

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 028

You deserved it 27 013

By life_suxxx - 06/12/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 340

You deserved it 33 574

Anyone would've ran

By Mike - 25/02/2022 15:59

Today, my friend is mad at me because last night at the midnight show, I “left him there” when he was drunk and thought it would be funny to take a dump in the theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 103

By Acidic Donut - 30/06/2013 23:48 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 721

You deserved it 8 955

By robbyrabbit - 11/11/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 142

You deserved it 4 747

By fuuuuuh - 20/07/2012 05:47 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 802

You deserved it 30 954

Fight your own battles

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 747

You deserved it 4 801

By anon - 04/12/2009 10:35 - Australia

Today, I got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. I got all excited when I saw a cheque inside, but the cheque was addressed to the wrong name. Not only did my own aunt forget my name, I couldn't even bank the $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 201

You deserved it 2 739

By soso96 - 09/08/2013 08:09 - Algeria - Ouargla

Today, due to a spate of burglaries, I updated the security on my house. Latches, locks, gates, I was very proud of my work, because it’s impossible to get in! Then, the front door slammed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 125

By LaLince - 28/06/2013 08:17 - Switzerland - Full

Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 581

You deserved it 53 756

LaLince tells us more.

LaLince 40

Saturday 29 June 2013 15:00

Hi folks, OP here. He took the hint.. If there will be a next time, I'll use my cell phone.

Squatters' rights

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 08:01

Today, I had the best date I've had in my life, until after we ate and split an expensive dinner out, we came back to my place and she then told me she was homeless, and wasn't looking to date but for a couch to crash on. She won't leave. Happy fucking New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 333

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 607

You deserved it 2 894

Today, we ran out of disposable gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 487

You deserved it 1 569

Today, I had the privilege of looking into my husband's eyes and uttering one of the sexiest phrases in the English language, "I need a suppository." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 272

Today, I was trying to relax on the beach after a stressful day, just to overhear a bunch of kids near me start fighting over who pooped in the hole they'd dug in the sand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 100

Today, our teacher forgot to collect our phones when we arrived at school. We almost managed to take our phones back to the dormitory but someone's phone rang TWICE in the corridor and she remembered the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 385

Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 835

You deserved it 19 240